Ryujin snarls out in anger, forcing a loud breath in frustration. She fumbles in her pocket for a phone ready to snap back at the idiot who made her wait.
The number you dial is out of reach please try your call again...
"SHUT UP!" Ryujin screams at the helpless automated voice. "Damn it Winter... Where the hell are you?"
*
A few weeks ago...
After weeks of tears and loneliness, Yeji never felt as excited as she is right now. She rushed home, clutching the phonecard that she bought, hoping she could surprise Ryujin with a phone call.
*
Ryujin and the other players were in the huddle while in the middle of their coach lecturing, her phone starts ringing, And she felt all eyes on her, some looking at her in amusement while some scoffing smugly.
"Shut that up."
Ryujin bows down. "Ummm... yes sir..."
The girl rushed out of the field, hurriedly picking up her phone.
"Why did you call?"
And if Ryujin could have seen the way Yeji's smile disappearing from her face, she would have wished she could turn the time back.
"I'm sorry, Ryu. Is it a bad time?"
Ryujin responded with a groan but Yeji heard it perfectly.
"I'm in a meeting with the coach..."
"Oh..."
Yeji just stares blankly at the phone card before laying it back in the table along with the other phone cards she bought that day.
"I'm sorry, Ryu. I'll call you later."
"No. Don't."
And Yeji's heart kept breaking.
"I'll call you, okay?"
"Ok... bye..."
"Bye."
*
But Ryujin never did... It's not that she doesn't want to call, she always promise herself she will but she have been beat up and worn out beyond repair. That the moment she fell on her bed, she'll drift off to sleep, dreaming of her and Yeji, cursing when the alarm clock would taunt her back to reality again.
And phone calls have become a luxury and just when Ryujin found the time to call...
"Yeji... I tried calling you and you wouldn't pick up."
"I was in clinicals..."
Missing Yeji have became so frustrating for Ryujin that it starting to anger her. Unfortunately, there was no one to vent all that anger on but on Yeji.
"Yeah whatever..." Ryujin hissed.
"Ryujin... I was in class, I couldn't just skip class so I can talk to you." Yeji tried to be reasonable, calming herself before she could say words that might hurt Ryujin too.
"Well, I would." Ryujin snaps back.
"Ryu please..."
"What? What Yeji?!"
Yeji sighs heavily. "How was your day?"
And by the sound of patience in Yeji's voice was enough to bury Ryujin in guilt. Yeji was suffering too, yet here she is making it worse than it already is.
"I can't... I can't talk right now..."
"But..." Yeji reasons out
But before Ryujin could explode on Yeji some more, she clicks the phone.
*
It didn't even take Ryujin a second and she quickly bolted up her bed. She starts flinging stuff out of her desk, seemingly looking for something. She almost rips out her closet door, flings more stuff as she continues to search for something.
"Damn it..."
*
She storms into the Korean store. She have been frequenting there more often than anybody that the owner didn't need to ask what she would have wanted.
Ryujin quickly empties out her pocket and lays out every dollar, quarter, dime, nickel and penny out on the counter.
"How many phone cards can I buy with that?"
"Are you sure?" The owner asks worriedly, it looks like the girl pulled out all her allowance.
"YES! Please..." Ryujin grips tightly on the counter, trying to keep herself steady. "Please... I need them..."
The man takes a nod, giving Ryujin all of the phone cards they have.
*
Ryujin's hand was clench around a thick stack of phonecards, her hand still trembling as she tries to call Yeji while walking back home. She recognized the silhouette of the people standing around in the corner, but paid no attention to it. She has more important things to worry about.
"Oh, you're so great now... you won't even say hi to us?" Eunbi steps up, obviously not done with Ryujin especially after Ryujin humiliated her.
Ryujin quickly sidestepped not needing to deal with this right now, but Eunbi quickly flings Ryujin forward.
"You look at me, when I'm talking to you." Eunbi threatens hoping to scare Ryujin a bit, but Ryujin knows she could beat her once, and she has no problem beating her up again.
"I don't have time for this."
"Well, make time."
Ryujin turns off her phone and slowly stuffs the phonecards in her pocket, when she felt the wind knock out of her as she took a punch on the gut, making her kneel to the ground.
"Not so tough now, huh, Shin?"
Eunbi's minions quickly grabs on each of Ryujin's arm.
"You know what my batting average is Ryujin?" Eunbi taunted as she pats her baseball bat on Ryujin's shoulder.
Ryujin sneers and just looks away.
"Best one in the league..." Eunbi kneeled down so she could look Ryujin straight in the eye. "And don't you ever forget that... Or better yet let me show you..."
Ryujin almost collapsed to the ground as she felt Eunbi swing the bat straight into her arm. She could actually hear the bones cracking as the bat collided against her. Every muscle, every nerve was begging Ryujin to cry, but she didn't and that didn't bode well with Eunbi. And on Eunbi's second swing, Ryujin collapse to the ground and right then she cried.
*
Heejin could hear people cursing as she stumbled at everyone who got on her way. She pushed herself inside the hospital room and saw Ryujin looking so helpless as she laid down on the bed.
"HEY! What happened?" Heejin asks worriedly as she sees the cast on Ryujin's arm. "Did that bitch do this to you?"
"What else could I do?"
"Well, we could report her to the board, and they'll kick her out her skinny ass in no time."
Ryujin just laughs in defeat and Heejin finally calmed down.
"When did they say you're going to heal?"
"6-8 weeks."
"Well... did you talk to Chan about this?"
"I didn't but he did. He said that my chances of being drafted are quite slim. But I should just still wait for the drafts because I might miraculously get drafted." Ryujin scoffs again. " But c'mon! who would wanted to have a fucking cripple on their roster?"
"But you're going to be one of the best damn cripple on the league."
Ryujin shivers as she exhales. "I'm tired already, Heejin..."
"Of what? practices? We all are but this is a chance of a lifetime."
"It's not worth it anymore to be away from Yeji. You know back in college, after evert practice I thought I was good as dead, but I come home to Yeji and I just quickly go back to life. I'm dying without her."
"But I thought you're doing this for her?"
"I just want to go home..." Ryujin shuts her eyes to stop her tears but still they didn't listen to her and starts flowing out. "I just want to be with Yeji..."
*
Yeji checks her phone for the hundredth time, waiting for Ryujin to call her. But like yesterday and a few days before, Ryujin have seem to forgotten about her. Instead of feeling pathetic for herself, Yeji just put her focus down on her notes, she tried, she did but of course it was futile. Good thing the sound of someone knocking distracted her from her loneliness.
"Hi Yeji!!!!"
"Oh... Lia... hey..."
"Well, we heard about this new buffet that just opened up and Ryujin always tells us how much you love to eat. So, we are like let's invite Yeji out to eat."
What was Lia trying to say? Yeji thought, Lia's words seem to stop after she heard Ryujin's name. It happens more often than she would wanted it to. But she just couldn't help it, she misses Ryujin too much and the only way to make it hurt less was to think of her.
When they saw how Yeji suddenly grew quiet, they couldn't help but feel guilty. Lia pats Yeji on the shoulder before reassuring her...
"Hey... it's ok, Yeji... We missed that idiot too..."
*
Yeji haven't laugh like this as far as she could remember. Lia and Yuna were making her stomach hurt with their stories, that Yeji could obviously just guess were exaggerated. But as happy as she was, it's those split second moments of silence, when she knew that Ryujin wasn't with her is where she was at her loneliest. Wondering, does Ryujin miss her the way she does?
"Yeji?"
"Oh Lia?"
"Why are you so quiet? Are you full already?"
Yeji smiles weakly. "Ummm... hehe... a bit..."
"Well... just take a little bit of rest, and then we go head out to the tables again... That's the secret to winning over the buffet..." Lia shared her secret with her foodie partner.
"Yeji?"
The three girls turn around to sound of the husky voice calling Yeji.
"Hyunjin?"
After she and Ryujin moved in together, she and her brother have also drifted apart. It was sad really, how she have always thought that Hyunjin was the only family that would be with her to support her and Ryujin. But it seems like Hyunjin was just the same coward, like she always knew he was.
*
Yeji stir her coffee mindlessly, not knowing really what to say to her brother. Hyunjin just sat there not wanting to make the first move either.
Yeji finally spoke up. "So, you own this place?"
"Yes. Mr. Shin gave me money to invest."
Mr. Shin would help out a complete stranger, yet let his own daughter starve and without a cent to her name.
"I have partners and I pitch the idea to Mr. Shin and he gave me the thumbs up. So, how you been? I heard Ryujin left you..."
"Just physically... we're still together."
Hyunjin just rolls his eyes and heaves out a frustrated sigh "Pfft... but how long?"
Yeji cast her gaze over him with worried eyes. "What do you mean?"
"She's probably living her life out there, playing baseball and coming home to different women in her hotel room. And here you are waiting patiently, like the idiot that you are."
"You wanted me to be with her."
"I wanted you to be with her because I thought you're strong enough to not let your emotions get in the way. You could have everything but look where you are now? Alone and waiting for what? You think she's going to come back to you?"
"YES! Ryujin will!!! She will... You don't understand what we have!"
Yeji wasn't used to talking out loud, that whenever she raise her voice, it would quake making her sound more weaker even if her intention was to look more stronger. And Hyunjin quickly picked up on, smirking triumphantly when he knew he got his point across.
Hyunjin reached out to hold his sister's trembling hands. "It kills me to see you hurting like this, Yeji... please... think of yourself too, leave her before she leaves you."
*
"Yeji? Baby?"
"Why haven't you been calling me Ryu? Is there someone else?!"
Ryujin quickly panics when she heard the endless sobs and Yeji's frantic voice on the other line.
"What?! No... of course not, baby... I'm sorry for not calling you but I ahhh... ummm... Yeji?" Ryujin could feel her heart tightening in her chest as she could hear Yeji crying on the other line. "What's wrong?"
"I'm so scared, Ryu..." Yeji breathed out in her every sob.
"Scared of what?"
"That what other people say is right, that weren't really meant to be."
"No....no...no" Ryujin's voice was threading in both panic and pleading. "Please..." Ryujin's grips on the phone tightened, wishing it was Yeji who she could hold on to and reassure. "Remember what we said before?" Ryujin pleaded... "We won't let anybody come between us? please Yeji... please don't..."
"I wish you could come home... I'm dying without you..."
Ryujin was too..."I can't Yeji, not now but I will... just wait for me, okay?"
"I don't want this life. I want the one where you are beside me. Why can't you even call me?"
Ryujin remains quiet, staring down at the cast in her arm. She was afraid to tell Yeji that she have gotten herself in trouble and is now paying for it.
"I'm sorry..." Was all Ryujin could say...
"Are you okay, baby?"
Ryujin was so tired trying to pretend she was okay, but she just need a little bit more. "I'm okay... I just miss you a lot."
"I do too... Can you talk right now?"
Ryujin smiles... "Of course I can..."
Her broken arm felt nothing compared to how she ached last week, when she almost lost Yeji... And she swore it won't happen again, not now and not ever.
*
"Oh this sure is headline news..."
Winter pulls away from her crossword puzzle and turns her attention at the girl smiling mischievously at her.
"What is?"
"I can see it now... Kim Winter, evil genius, does crossword puzzles."
"Yup." Winter sneers in amusement and returns back to her crossword puzzle "That's how I roll..."
Karina smiled thankfully at the waiter and the two enjoyed their coffee in a comfortable silence. Then, Karina's attention got caught a few tables away at Hyunjin seemingly introducing or more of forcing Yeji to mingle with his friend.
"I don't know how you do it, be in the same room as him."
Winter didn't know how she does it too, but nowadays, things felt like they're falling in the right places. "It got easier."
"Well, I'm glad you're letting go."
Winter smiles thankfully cause until now the word thank you is still foreign in her tongue.
Winter and Karina saw Hyunjin badgering Yeji. Even from a distance it was obvious that Yeji wants nothing to do with the Hyunjin's friend. But still Hyunjin wedges his way through.
"You can still fix things you know." Karina softly says.
Winter just sneers at Karina's innocence. "Why would I? It's not my problem..."
"But when you know that you could do something, doesn't that want you to want to step up?"
"I learn to take a step back and watch..."
"I learn to man up and fix things. Especially the ones I try to break."
Winter just sighs, she doesn't like it when people interrupt her and her crossword puzzle. "Then, you do it... go over there and help them."
"It takes guts to admit their mistake, but it takes a whole lot of guts to fix it. And as far as I know Kim, you're the gutsiest person I know."
Winter was about to retort back but Karina already gathered up her things.
"I have class so I'll go ahead... You should try it sometimes..."
"Try what?"
Winter couldn't figure out why Karina's smile could both look innocent and devious at the same time.
"Go to class."
*
Yeji have to admit that Felix was quite good looking. And with the way he looks at Yeji, he seems quite interested with the girl. But Yeji wants nothing to do with him.
"Dude... I never thought your sister is so pretty."
"I told you, right?" Hyunjin nods proudly and Yeji's face looks baffled, confused on what was going on.
"When Hyunjin told me he had a sister, I was worried... cause I don't think Hyunjin would make such a pretty girl..." Felix joked and Yeji responds with a polite smile. "But now... I'm glad he told me about you..."
Yeji was able to pick up the hint from Felix's smile that this was more than just an introduction.
"Hyunjin, can I talk to you?"
*
"What's going on?" Yeji looks at her brother ridiculously for putting her on a spot like that.
But Hyunjin thinks it's Yeji who's acting. "No.. What's going on with you? You know how many girls would kill to be in your shoes right now?"
"I'm not those girls. "
"Oh wait... I forgot... you're into chicks..." Hyunjin says mockingly...
"SHUT UP!"
"No matter how good you think it felt when Ryujin touches you, I swear to God Yeji, it would feel like nothing when you're finally with a man."
Hyunjin winces as his sister landed a hard slap on his face.
"How would you know, Hyunjin?" Yeji lost all respect for her brother that she couldn't even call him her brother anymore. "You have been with a man too?"
"Why you fu-"
Yeji didn't wait for Hyunjin to curse her out, she walks away, not needing to turn around, from now on, she didn't have a brother.
*
Yeji used to like being somewhere quiet, it gives her the time to think freely, when all she could hear are thoughts. But now she dreaded it, cause it filled her with nothing but thoughts of missing Ryujin. And it didn't get better. Not at all and probably not ever.
Yeji turned to the phone vibrating next to her in bed.
"Yeji-yah..."
Yeji could finally smile again as she heard Ryujin's voice.
"Hi baby..."
Ryujin could finally smile again as she listens to Yeji's voice. "Hi my baby... what are you doing?" Ryujin coos...
"Nothing... I need to study though but I feel so lazy..."
"Well, it's almost summer break and you'll get a break."
Yeji didn't mind working or studying if it meant going home to Ryujin, but it's like life is drowning out of her.
"I know... but we still have clinicals... I wish..." Yeji didn't even bother to continue...
"You're going to be in the dean's list again... I'm sure..."
"I don't know it's been a tough semester."
And Ryujin just choked up a bitter smile. Yeji probably didn't mean it, but Ryujin knew that she have everything to do with it.
"I'm so sorry, Yeji.."
"You have nothing to apologize about...I love you..."
Ryujin could finally feel like she could breathe again. "I love you too... So, ummm, have you been watching that series? I know your bias is in there."
"I know!" Yeji's voice suddenly sounds like a giddy school girl. "You should have seen her, Ryujin. It's like her first major acting role but she totally blew me away... It's like when I see her cry, I feel like crying too..."
Ryujin thought it was ridiculous how she got jealous when Yeji continue to gush over some character from a drama.
"I don't like her kissing scenes though." Yeji continues and Ryujin could swear she heard jealousy in Yeji's voice.
"Why? Who should she be kissing?" Ryujin asks in a deadpan tone, hoping Yeji picked up that she was jealous.
"Me? Hahaha..."
"Hahahahahaha..." Ryujin airs out a sarcastic laugh "Ok, you kiss her and I'll kiss my girlfriend in the movie that I told you."
Ryujin tries hard not laugh as she hears Yeji growling on the other line.
"Oh your girlfriend, huh?"
"Yup."
"Why don't you go call her then?" Yeji says to Ryujin mockingly...
"I did. but she didn't pick up so I called you instead." Ryujin decided to tease back.
"I hate you."
Ryujin could actually imagine Yeji having that adorable pout on her face.
"Don't worry when I was kissing her, I was like my other girlfriend Yeji kissed better than this."
"Ewwww.... So cheesy Shin Ryujin!"
"Mwah! I love you more my better kissing girlfriend..."
"Stop!" Yeji could only laugh at Ryujin's cheesiness... "You're making me puke with your cheesiness."
And in these moments where their laughter, their jokes and their endless I love you's fill the air is what Yeji have been cherishing the most. But the moment the call ended, in an instant, the familiar yet still painful air of loneliness drift back again.
And Yeji was lonely again...
*
She was about to distract herself with studying when someone starts knocking on her door. And the moment she saw Mrs. Shin's face, she wished she didn't open the door.
Mrs. Shin tried hard not to show her disapproval of the place, but she is more at awe than anything else. She never realized that her daughter could love this much.
"Did Ryujin live in here?"
Yeji lowers her gaze to the ground, embarrassed that she couldn't give Ryujin a better life.
"Yes maam... For almost a year."
Yeji looks up when she found that it was too quiet, and when she saw Mrs. Shin's face she swore she saw a bit of a smile adorning her face.
"You know my Ryujin could be quite a spoiled brat..."
Yeji's lips spread just a fraction, knowing that pretty well. Although Ryujin loves her a lot, still Ryujin acted like a little princess wanting attention from Yeji any chance she get.
"When she was younger, me and her father would send her to camps, just so she could experience it and she hated it. She called her father and said how much she hated it. He made our driver, picked her up and took her to the nearest 5 star hotel. While the rest of the girls sleep in tents, Ryujin slept in a 5 star hotel."
It was silly but the thought of her childish lover, somehow calmed Yeji a bit.
"And it doesn't get any better, when she got older and she has to go to different places for baseball tournaments she won't sleep in the rooms that the team would get her, so, while everyone slept in their shared rooms. Ryujin would be in the penthouse suite."
Mrs. Shin turns her eyes away from the view outside the window. There wasn't any view to look at anyway and she finds herself staring at the girl in front of her. Hwang Yeji wasn't born with much money or luxury but she was born with something most people would kill to have. Yeji was born with the kind of beauty, most people would just read in fairytales. And Mrs. Shin didn't realize it until today when she was standing face to face with her.
"I should have known from the beginning that my daughter have always loved you. Ever since her 7th birthday, she would always ask me if you could come to her birthday. And I would tell her yes and I know."
Mrs. Shin paused afraid that her honesty would reveal the kind of mother that she is.
"I know Yeji, how happy my daughter would be whenever I say that, and every year she would wait for you. She was surrounded by gifts, a lavish party but it didn't matter to her, the only thing that she would wanted was to see you. And every year I could see how disappointed she would be. And every year, I tell myself, she'll get over it. She'll get over you..."
Mrs. Shin's eyes were filled with regret whenever the memories of Ryujin's pain come repeating back.
"I spend my days going to charity events and auctions, yet I can't even..."
She paused again... unsure of how to continue...
"I can't even help my own daughter. My husband didn't even tell me what he did to her, I have to find out from someone else. When I confronted my husband about it, he just laughed at my face, like he didn't care at all. He just said that I don't need to worry, because Ryujin would come running back to us like she always does when it gets difficult. And I believed him..."
"I'm sorry for putting Ryujin through all this."
"No..." Mrs. Shin smiled "I waited for Ryujin to come back, waited to hear the music blasting out of her room, waited for her to call me and asked for allowance, waited for my daughter to need me again."
Mrs. Shin smiled through her tears.
"But she never did. Me and her father gave her everything, but she chose to have nothing just to be with you. "
Yeji couldn't answer too. Mrs. Shin mistakes the silence for something else.
"Don't worry I won't take her away from you again. For once I want to make my daughter happy."
Mrs. Shin hands Yeji an envelope.
"What is this?"
"I heard how you have two jobs just to keep things together. I'm proud of you for doing that, but I want all your energy to be focus on your education. Just so you could be, the person you ought to be, not the person you have to be just to survive. And I want my daughter to come back home and finish school. And when Ryujin comes back home to you, I want you to welcome her in a nicer apartment. Fitting of her, fitting for both of you."
Yeji couldn't be more thankful but she just couldn't accept it. "I... I couldn't..."
Mrs. Shin silenced Yeji with an embrace...
"It's a mother's job to give the best things for her child. You are the best thing that happened to Ryujin."
And before Mrs. Shin release Yeji from her embrace. She whispered thankfully.
"Thank you for loving our daughter."
End of flashback...
*
If there is one thing that Ryujin still haven't learn is patience. She hated waiting more than anything else, and thinks that people who made other people wait, should pay a costly price. And Ryujin is going to make sure that when she finally gets to see Winter that she will make her pay.
Twenty minutes and there was still no sign of the girl.
"God damn it Winter..."
Ryujin fumbles with her good arm to shot a text full of expletives and death threats at her cousin.
"What is that idiot doing? The plane has landed already! WINTER! ARGH!"
Ryujin's brow met in frustration as she continues her text as a flood of people came out, but still no Winter. Ryujin waited, she waited some more until finally...
It was Yeji's first time to step in America. But while other people get excited about seeing the marvel in this country, all Yeji is ever excited about is finally seeing her girl. But before she could search for Ryujin among the crowd of people waiting, someone have already enveloped her in an endearing embrace.
And in Ryujin's embrace, Yeji felt her heart stop beating. Yeji have thought that the moment she sees Ryujin, she'll jump into her arms but instead she remained frozen, lingering in every second. Yeji took the time to take in Ryujin. What a difference a few weeks can do? Yeji could feel it as she runs her fingers on the faint grooves of Ryujin's biceps, Ryujin became leaner. But everything else was still there, those dark brown eyes, that smile and those lips that she could kiss forever.
"What happened?" Yeji asks worriedly at Ryujin's bandaged arm.
Ryujin didn't answer back and instead just nuzzled herself comfortably in Yeji's neck. Those days felt like distant memory, uncovering them would only anger her and she didn't need that. What she have here is enough, Yeji is more than enough.
And in Yeji's arms, Ryujin finally crumbles, knowing Yeji would put her pieces back together.
"Don't cry..." Yeji wipes away Ryujin's tears as she was holding back her own. "I'm here now..." Yeji kisses Ryujin on the forehead, before finally letting her tears take over her. "I'm here now..."
And their lips met in a gentle kiss. And somehow at that gesture, it felt like every sleeping sense inside them have woken up. The taste of each other's lips, the sweet scent lingering at each deepen kiss, the soft moans that they unconsciously let out at every breath they take from each other and the feel of finally kissing the one that they have dreamed of.
Airports might be the busiest place, with people rushing to be somewhere else rather than this. But both Yeji and Ryujin won't have it any other way. Because there is no place where they would rather be but here in each other's embrace.
*
A few weeks ago...
Yeji let out a soft curse as she saw the girl sitting at the table.
"Sit down Yeji..."
"I have work..." Yeji turned away but Winter continues.
"Don't worry, I'm pretty sure, Giselle won't say anything if you come join me for some coffee."
Yeji was a bit hesitant but eventually sat down across Winter. It's not like she got defeated, she just want to shut Winter's nagging up.
"I haven't seen you much these days, Yeji."
"Well... I only work here during weekends, since I have my other job and I have school."
"Such a hard worker... no wonder Ryujin's so into you..."
Yeji decided not to respond, it felt different because it wasn't like Winter was taunting her at all.
"You know I'm planning to go to the States for the summer. New York or maybe California..."
Yeji gazes her eyes down, not wanting Winter to see how jealous she was that she gets to see Ryujin.
"You might see Ryujin there..." Yeji spoke softly...
"I might... do you want me to send her over something from here?"
Yeji's eyes brighten at the thought, she would have wanted to send Ryujin some stuff from home. But then she remembers that she's talking to Winter right now. She would be foolish if she trusts her.
Winter was tired of waiting for Yeji's answer that she just spoke up.
"You know what Yeji? Don't bother."
Yeji knew it, Winter will never change.
"I have no plans to be some messenger girl."
Yeji just exhales shakily, she would have wanted to surprise Ryujin but now she couldn't...
"But maybe you should."
A spark of life light up in Yeji's eyes again. "What?"
Winter pushes an envelope towards Yeji... Yeji takes it with trembling hands and her hand continues to shiver when she sees what was inside.
"Maybe you should give it to her yourself."
"B-but why? I thought you want to go?"
Winter just sneers and turns toward the street outside the window. "I suddenly found a reason to stay."
"Really?"
"Yeah." Winter let out a soft chuckle and even if her sight might be on the kids playing across the street, her mind was on a certain somebody. "I need to go to class."
TBC
أنت تقرأ
Gemini (Ryeji)
قصص الهواةPrologue I know how you feel... Whenever I lock your hand in mine, you always have your palm open as if you're ready to let go any second. Whenever I lay my lips on yours I feel the hesitation, the silent torture that is deafening my soul. Whenever...
