The Fatal Attraction

Chapter 22

"So....you had feelings for him?"
Emir asked Filiz curiously.
They both were now dressed, sitting together in the tv lounge of her house. It was raining heavily outside so Filiz asked Emir to stay till the rain stops.
"For whom?"
"Hakan...." even his name boiled Emir's blood. The thought of Filiz in Hakan's embrace was suffocating for him.
"I....I...don't know honestly....I always thought we had no future together but....I cared for him. He comforted me when I was alone and sad. I thought he also cared for me......we were together for 4 months.....I really cared for him, if not loved him. And I used to think that whenever this thing between us comes to an end it will be on good terms.......but today....I came to know his real intentions....he just wanted one thing from me....." she was saying with a glint of disappointment in her eyes.
She didn't tell Emir that she was ready to marry Hakan, she made sure she didn't share this precise detail with anyone.
"That guy can be dangerous Filiz.....you have to take care....." Emir was deeply concerned.
"I will be fine.......you didn't tell me why you visited here today?" she tried to change the topic of conversation.
"I...just wanted to make sure that you are ok. What you saw in the hospital.....it wasn't what it seemed like to you actually. Ayeshayy was as always blurting out lies and nonsense. I couldn't react because it was my workplace....."
Filiz could say that he was telling the truth....
"Ok...I trust you. You don't need to worry about me regarding this topic now....."
Emir was relieved at her assurance but this peace was short-lived...
"I just hope that you trusted me as well....."
Her next sentence took his breath away. Filiz understood that he wasn't ready to trust her. She was hurt. Of course she was hurt by his lack of trust in her.
He remembered Anne's words.....
Should he confess to her?
"The rain has stopped...."
"Huhhh?" he came back to reality.
"I said the rain has stopped.....Kemal and Eda would be home anytime now..."
She wanted him to leave before her siblings showed up.
"Ummm yeah...I should get going...." he stood up from the couch.
Filiz followed him to the main door.
Before unlocking the door, he turned back and looked at her.
He had so much grief in his eyes at that moment.
He cupped her face and kissed her forehead. Filiz closed her eyes.

"Take care. Call me if anything bothers you ok..."
She nodded.
He left.
Like always, Emir left Filiz without confessing his true feelings to her.
*************
Filiz told Halay about her and Hakan.
Halay was shocked to say the least.
While staying at Buyukada, she never had this thought that Filiz and Hakan were seeing each other secretly.
"He just showed up when I was so upset. He helped me overcome those distressing times....I got closer to him with time....I had no idea that he would turn out to be this creepy and pathetic...."
"Filiz, why didn't you tell me sooner? What if Azra aunty comes to know about this?"
Halay was worried.
"I don't know Halay...."
"Hakan took advantage of your weak state...." Halay was angry at her cousin.
"Everything happened with my consent...." Filiz confessed.
"But how can he force you like this? We should talk to Azra Aunty about this....."
"No Halay. Let it be. Azra Aunty helped me a lot by letting me live in her home. I don't want to trouble her regarding her own son...."
Also Filiz didn't want Azra to know that she got into an affair with her own son while seeking refuge in her home. Filiz was guilty as well for giving Hakan the permission to be in close proximity to her.
"Is this the first time he tried to force himself on you?" Halay asked her.
"Before this...when we were in Buyukada...he did try to make me weak, to give into temptations and let him have his way...but I somehow always managed to remain conscious....."
"My goodness Filiz....why didn't you tell me this? He was trying to manipulate and exploit you all along....tell me more about how he treated you?" Halay was now deeply concerned for her best friend.
"I..I thought he cared for me....he said to me that I should always listen to him and do as he says to me...." Filiz was now slowly realizing her mistakes.
"He tried to get his control over you..." Halay figured it out and Filiz was startled. How can she ignore all of those red flags..?
"I can't believe that I was this stupid...I thought he cared for me but it was his emotional manipulation. He wanted to dominate me. He wanted to break me...." tears were dwelling up in her eyes as realizations hit her.
"It was unlimited times in our relationship of 4 months that I could have recognized those red flags....but I decided to ignore them...."
"Filiz, you ignored them because you were longing for someone's love and care. What you went through before meeting Hakan, made you vulnerable. It was easy for Hakan to trap you by targeting your weak spots...I am sorry Filiz....it's all because of me..I shouldn't have taken you there.." Halay was guilty now.
"No. It's not your fault....don't say that Halay. You just helped me.." she held Halay's hand.
"Filiz, my aunt was in a toxic relationship for years. I have seen her suffering just because she thought that the man will change at some point but he didn't. Just like you she also met him after a bitter breakup with her long time boyfriend. Initially it was all good and beautiful, the same way it happened with you. But then he started showing his true colors. He asked her to not to leave the house without his permission, he asked her to have the food that he likes, he asked her to not to talk to other guys, he even asked her to dress according to his likes and dislikes. Initially it was only emotional manipulation but then it progressed to physical abuse. I still remember those bruises all over her face when she used to visit Anne.
She gave unlimited chances to him to redeem, even had a child with him but he didn't change. He used to torture her even during her pregnancy. She went through premature labor because he tried to choke her to death. It was only then when she fought back to save her child. She hit him with a vase and called help. Luckily the baby was safe and my aunt finally divorced him but she was traumatized for life.
Men like Hakan never change. Thank God we got out of there at the right time otherwise Hakan could have done worse to you...." Filiz was horrified after hearing about Halay's aunt. She went through the same situation with Hakan.
"That.... that's exactly how it happened with me....he once asked me to wipe off my lipstick because he thought it would attract guys towards me, he hated it when I used to argue with him.......Halay, I was so stupid. Why I didn't realize this earlier??" she was crying now. She got herself stuck in this mess.
"It's not your fault. You were weak and vulnerable, he used it against you..."
"He proposed to me and wanted to have children with me...."
Halay's eyes widened with disbelief at this new revelation.
"What? What did you say?"
"I didn't accept it right way. I asked him for time to think about it...and luckily next day I got the call from Kemal about Anne...."
Halay let out a sigh of relief.
"Filiz....marrying Hakan will be a bigger torture and hell. And never even think about having a child with him.... children made out of toxic relationships like your and Hakan's are even more traumatized and troubled due to the equation of their parents. They spend their entire lives looking for happy endings but they hardly get it due to the traumas that destroyed their lives..."
Filiz wiped away her tears.
"You know at one point I even considered marrying him and having a family with him but I got to see his reality at the right time...."
She was now just hurt that she once tried to picture him as her life partner.
"But why he did that to me? He could have any other girl?" she expressed her concern to Halay.
"Because you were too beautiful for him....." Halay answered.
"What do you mean?"
"Filiz, Hakan has always been insecure about his dark skin tone, since our childhood. He inherited it from his father and hated it. Azra aunty still has a fairer skin complexion but his father was dark. He faced rejection from so many girls. I myself have seen a few girls rejecting him just because of his color. What I have understood from your story is that Hakan was attracted to you because of your beauty and white skin. He always went for white skin girls. You also rejected him at first...."
"But I rejected him because of my own issues,not because of his color. I found him good looking since the first time I saw him..." Filiz interrupted to defend herself.
"That was your perspective for him Filiz. It's no big deal that you found him good looking. It was your choice. But Hakan have faced rejections from girls of your skin tone for 90% of times. Even Dilara once told me that Hakan refused to marry a girl just because she was also dark in skin complexion like him. You were 24/7 in front of him that's why he decided to take another chance with you and the second time you also accepted him. That must be the reason that he proposed you for marriage. A girl like you would have been a win-win situation for Hakan. And even his wish of having children with you also must be related to this reason....he wanted his kids to be beautiful and fair like their mother. He thought that since you are alone and young so you will be easy for him to control....at least that's what I can understand."
Halay explained Hakan's side of story to Filiz.
Filiz was horrified to say the least. While being in an intimate relationship with Hakan in those 4 months, she never had the slightest of idea that he was planning and plotting the entire time. She thought that they both were having some good time together, but he was using her for his own benefits.
They both sat there in silence for some time when Halay spoke...
"What if he bothers you again? I know Hakan. He is ridiculously stubborn. He won't let this go easily Filiz."
Filiz took a deep breath and said
"I'll see whenever he returns...."
*************
2 weeks passed away normally.
Filiz was soon going to enter her eight month of pregnancy.
But she still looked like six months pregnant. Halay told her how Filiz was so lucky to be naturally lean that even being in the final months of pregnancy, she looked so fit.
She and Emir just talked four times in these two weeks. He used to ask her about her health.....and that's it.
They both never talked about anything else. The conversations were precise. They both knew things were far away than fine between them.
It was Saturday night and Filiz was invited to her colleague's birthday party.
She wore an off shoulder dress and left her hair in loose curls.