Forgotten

Chapter 63

(Faith pov)

May-25th-2019
Miami📍

Through the crowd heading backstage I made sure no one would recognize me. What Jessica told me made me realize something. I needed to be alone to reflect on it, it wouldn't be long before Ariana would notice I'm gone.

Security: "Sorry you can't go back here, this is a restricted area."

Faith: "I have a backstage pass." I look in my pockets and everything but it's not there.

Security: "No backstage pass, I can't let you back."

Faith: "I know Ariana I'm her girlfriend, my stuff is back there in her room."

Security: "I heard that one hundred times you're not fooling anyone."

Faith: "Give me a break please, I'm her Girlfriend, can you just let me back."

Security: "No without any backstage pass Ms. Look that's the rule and policy."

Faith: "It's fine." I didn't want to cause a scene.

Even if I could, I was in no condition to fight back, I'll only hurt myself even more. There was no point in looking for my pass, I must have dropped it in the crowd.

I head for the front gate entrance, if I couldn't go in back at least I could go up front and clear my mind. As I get to the entrance of the arena the opening act ends and Ariana starts to sing.

I grab a hat from the gift shop and walk out of the arena. I wasn't going to wander off too far. I find a spot that I can still hear her performing where I was, in my head all I could hear. "Don't take her world away from her."

Faith's thoughts: "What am I doing wrong? She doesn't need these problems, am I actually…ya I am, I'm breaking her world right in front of her eyes." My eyes water up.

I sit on the bench crying my eyes out watching the tears hit the floor. I haven't gotten over anything I've done or happened to me. I act like I'm a total big shot, but deep down inside I'm still that hurt, shy girl from highschool.

What example am I setting for myself? I feel so fucking useless. I read all these things about our relationship, about me and it's all bullshit. The overwhelming feeling inside my chest, the persistent thoughts running through my mind attacking every corner I turn.

I sit there letting it all out frustrated in the person I've let myself be. She deserves better than what I have to offer, I can't tell her and watch her bare the truth. The reason for all my problems, the reason I almost died that day. It was because I was determined to get her back, for some goddamn stupid music equipment I ended up in the hospital and I lost my brother.

Faith's thoughts: "It's not your fucking fault, then why did he die and I never got to say goodbye!!"

I can continue to hear the music, I could hear her singing. I couldn't take it, to let her seem like this, but I should tell her, or keep lying to myself to keep her from worrying.

I couldn't take it, the emotions, the shit I've gone through. I covered the car incident like it's nothing, but from time to time I still get those nightmares. The guilt of not being there for me Abuelita, the burden I am for Ariana.

Paparazzi: "That's Faith Gomez!!! Ms. Gomez!! What are you doing here, shouldn't you be in the concert supporting Ariana?"

I wipe my tears and look away so they would see my face.

Paparazzi: "Faith? Are you okay? We noticed that you've been seen less on Ariana's socials, are you two not on good terms? We heard you got hurt in the past month on tour, is that true?"