Playing with Forever

Chapter 1: New Beginnings

"Abigail?" Mr. Fitzpatrick prompted.

I stood at the front of the classroom, staring back at my fellow members of the senior class as they peered at me in an early-morning haze. It was 8:30 AM on the first of September, first period Economics. I was the new girl, starting the school year a month late. 

"Abby," I corrected automatically. "Just Abby."

"Would you like to tell us a little about yourself, Abby?"

I knew this would happen, having to talk about myself, but I still felt anxiety flood in my veins. I forced a smile, regardless. "Sure. I'm eighteen, I just moved here from Sacramento, and I love volleyball." 

Mr. Fitzpatrick looked at me encouragingly. "Go on."

More panic built up inside of me. What else did he want? I thought that would have been enough. I should have prepared more! "My hair is naturally this color," I added hesitantly, thinking about the question I'm usually asked about my dark red hair. "I really like soda, and um." I wracked my brain for any information about myself. Why couldn't I think of anything? Was I really so uninteresting? "I've never left the country?" I offered and turned helplessly to my new teacher. "That's honestly all I can think of."

He broke into a playful grin. "Good job, Abby," he said, teasing, "You passed."

I smiled awkwardly. I'd like to shut up now and disappear.

No, I chastised myself. No disappearing. I didn't have to be invisible anymore. I could be anyone or anything I wanted to be. I had all the freedom in the world now.

I had exactly one school year to try socializing as myself, then everyone here would all scatter to the wind for college and adult life. If things went poorly, then I'd never have to talk to these people again. But if things went well, then I knew I could do the socializing as myself thing, and I could chose to stay in contact with these potential friends. It was a good experiment, and I wanted to try it out. I needed to try it out.

"Why don't you take that empty seat, next to Mina? She can help you get caught up."

I made my way over to the seat he was indicating, next to a smiling Asian girl with hot pink hair.

"Hey," the girl said as I sat down. "Welcome. I'm Mina."

I smiled back. She had a really nice smile, radiating kindness, and I soaked it up like a sponge. "Hi," I whispered back, sliding into my seat. I sat ramrod straight on the edge of my seat, then forcibly relaxed my shoulders and eased back. I was okay, I reminded myself. Chill out.

"There's a book under your chair," Mina said, pointing underneath me. When I pulled the old, battered textbook out, she told me, "Page 36."

"Thanks."

This was good. This was okay. I dove into the textbook, skimming along as we read and Mr. Fitzpatrick lectured. I had spent the last month doing online school to keep up, knowing I would be moving. My case worker had made sure I stayed on top of the curriculum so when I did finally attend this new school, I wouldn't be behind. She knew I didn't need any other distractions than simply existing in a public space. I'd been ahead in my classes online, so thankfully I was already well versed in what we were learning in Econ.

Mr. Fitzpatrick ended the lecture with a few minutes to spare before the bell rang. Mina turned to me again with another smile. "You keeping up okay? This stuff is so confusing to me, I can't imagine just being dropped into it."

"Yeah," I replied. "I don't really like it, but I think I'll do okay settling into the work."

"Good. If you have any questions, you're welcome to ask me. I won't know any answers, but you're welcome to ask." We both laughed. I couldn't believe she was so nice. "Oh, hey," she added, "you said you're into volleyball."