Playing with Forever

Chapter 31: Disapproval and Avoidance

Mina dropped down in her seat beside me in Econ the next morning. "You got together with him," she accused breathlessly.

"What?"

"You and Sam. I saw you holding hands!"

I opened my mouth in surprise, but closed it. She was right: Sam and I had been holding hands that morning. I was trying to explore my borders of what was and wasn't acceptable with my trauma, and Sam and I had begun with holding hands and small affectionate touching. So far, so good. No more panicked freak-outs.

"Oh. Um, yeah," I said. "We... got together." Were Sam and I dating? Did I officially need to declare my intentions of dating him? I couldn't think about it too much, because the official aspect of it made me nervous. I loved Sam, yes. But a boyfriend? I wasn't sure I was ready for that.

Mina whacked me with her folder. "I told you that you loved him!"

I held my hands up in surrender, laughing. "Fine! You were right."

"Is he good to you?"

"Of course he is," I scoffed, then joked, "Do I have your approval?"

She frowned, playfulness leaking away, and I remembered the conversation we had at the bonfire. Was I really the only one who truly knew Sam? It didn't seem fair. He was a good person, an asset to society. How could I convince him to open himself up socially?

Mina's eyes were troubled. "Honestly? No."

My mouth dropped open in disbelief, and I pulled myself away from her, hurt. I couldn't believe she just said it straight to my face like that. "That's so mean."

"You stopped hanging out with us when you met him," she explained. "He takes up all your attention, and you don't have time for anyone else. What happens when you break up?"

I startled at the thought. "We're not going to break—"

"It doesn't have to be that way," she rushed. "You could hang out with us more."

"Without Sam?" I clarified.

"I'm just saying, don't burn all your bridges. Don't let his antisocial ways rub off on you."

I heaved a dramatic sigh. "He's not antisocial. He's shy."

"Then fix him."

A sarcastic laugh bubbled up in me. "That's so much easier said than done." He'd been avoiding people for... however long he'd been immortal, probably.

Wait, no, that couldn't be right. No, he talked about having friends before. He had had more than Emile, and Roseanna, and Eleanor. He'd had friends before. I'd even met his fellow immortal friends in New York. Why was he so scared now?

"I'm just saying," Mina said, "what do you know about him, really?"

"I know a lot about him." Not his age, true, but I had little snippets of his past and I knew his present. I was a major part of it. "Enough to know he isn't going to hurt me."

"Just be careful," she warned.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "You're the worst hype woman, you know that?"

"I'm trying to look out for you."

"Well, stop."

It was her turn to look hurt as class started. I swiveled around in my seat and focused on the lesson, refusing to acknowledge her beside me. I hadn't asked her to look after me, and I never would. The only one who looked after me was me.

And now maybe Sam.

I brought Sam's avoidance of people up at lunch as we sat underneath our tree. "I know you said that you stay away from people because you're afraid of commanding them on accident," I said to him. "Have you always set yourself apart, you know, socially?"