Playing with Forever

Chapter 45: It'll Happen When It's Right

Two weeks later, something was wrong with Sam. Not physically, but emotionally. He was tired and ornery, and he didn't want to talk about anything. We just sat in silence when together while I fretted and worried the entire time, together or not. He was pulling away, and it scared me.

"Sam," I eventually said when I showed up at his house midmorning the second Sunday of his moping. He was still in his pajamas, which was unlike him, hair mussed and eyes red. Either from a late night of overthinking or crying, I didn't know. Maybe both. He was upset, and I didn't understand. "Please, just talk to me."

He looked away, running his hands through his hair. He was trying to keep his emotions under control, and it came out as frustration. "Abigail, tell me the truth. Are you going to Accept me or not? I deserve to at least know."

I looked away, a deep breath filling my chest. So that was what he was worrying about. I didn't blame him, not at all. Over the months, I'd thought about it so much--too much. But this was a segue into what I'd wanted to say for a while now. Before I had a chance to answer, though, he continued in a frustrated tone, clearly hurting.

"I do not even know what you want," he went on. "I have no idea what to expect anymore. All I know is that you want to be with me, and sometimes I even wonder about that. Will you refuse to Accept me, but still spend mortal life with me? Will you Accept me, but not become immortal? You don't have forever to decide, Abigail. It has been nearly six months already. Half your time is gone. If it has not happened yet..." He ran his hands down his face and groaned into them. "I do not even know what to think anymore."

I took a deep breath, steeling myself. "I'm not ready to decide on immortality yet, Sam. It's terrifying. You had immortality forced upon you, but I get the opportunity to think it through first. It's a lot to comprehend, and it's scary. Can you understand that?"

He huffed towards the ceiling, but nodded reluctantly.

"However," I added slowly. "I've decided to Accept you."

He looked me back in my eyes, surprise evident in his expression. Slowly, a giant grin spread across his face. "Really?"

"I've been trying, yes."

He threw his arms around my waist, hoisting me in the air, and spun me around, whooping in triumph. Setting me down, he cupped my face in his hands and crashed his lips into mine in a fierce kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and slid my hands into his hair, kissing him back with a grin.

He pulled back to gaze happily into my eyes. In just a few moments, however, his eyes glazed over in confusion. "What do you mean, you have been trying?"

Shame descended upon me. I dropped my hands from him and took a step back. I couldn't touch him, I didn't deserve to touch him. "I've tried to make the decision," I explained. "I've made it in my mind, but the magic won't follow through."

Pain and more confusion crossed his expression. "I have never heard of anyone not being able to Accept someone before."

"There must be a part of me that isn't ready yet." There were all sorts of reasons: the guilt I felt about not being more for him, the feeling of not deserving him, my reservations about becoming immortal, my secrets...

Useless. Unlovable.

He looked me in the eyes again, assessing my seriousness. I stared back, guileless. I had every intention of figuring out how to Accept him. I must have looked convincing, because he smiled back, choosing to believe me.