Playing with Forever

Chapter 52: Descending Deeper

Our last volleyball game of the year happened mid-May. We'd made regional finals, but choked and lost two games into the tournament, losing our chance at the state championship. While disappointing, we'd played our best, and Mina had hyped us up after the game. She'd talked about how proud she was to have been our team co-captain, and that we should be proud of what we'd achieved. She was good at the pep talk thing.

On the hour long bus journey home, a game of "never have I ever" broke out between us in the back of the bus. Five of us spread our hands out, all ten fingers extended.

"Put a finger down if you've left the country," Hailey started. Only Mina had, so she took away one of her extended fingers, leaving nine out. Sam and I had plans to travel next year, but so far, it hadn't happened.

"Put a finger down if you've broken a bone," Mina said. This time I put one down.

"Put a finger down if you've been dumped," Casey said, and Grace booed.

"Low blow," she whined, but put her finger down. "Fine, put a finger down if you pretended to have a boyfriend in eighth grade and sent yourself fake DM's to prove it."

Casey blushed furiously. "You promised to never bring that up!"

Mina cackled, then turned to me. "Your turn, Abby."

I cast about for something to say. "Uh, put a finger down if you've blamed someone for something you did."

This time Mina blushed as the three girls looked at her. "It was second grade," she hissed. "I was a child!"

"Second grade is a little old to be peeing on the floor."

"She blamed it on the pregnant teacher," Casey explained to me as she cracked up, clearing enjoying the story.

"Okay, that is pretty bad," I said, trying not to smile at child Mina's antics. Current Mina just sighed as she took away one more finger.

This went on until Casey only had one finger left extended, and Mina was close behind. "Okay," Hailey said. "Put a finger down if you've had sex."

I froze. The blood in my veins turned to ice, making it too hard to move. How was I supposed to answer that? My brain screamed LIE!

Casey proudly put her last finger down, although I wasn't sure if that made her win or lose. I hoped none of the girls realized I had become a marble statue, but before I made my decision of whether to lie or not, Hailey noticed my lack of movement. "Really, Abby? You and Sam haven't had sex?" she asked with obvious condescension.

Slowly, I shook my head. "No, we're taking things slow."

Hailey didn't stifle her mocking laugh—she'd put down her finger, too—and Mina slugged her arm.

Our game over, the conversation split from there until Mina and I sat talking together alone. "You're serious about Sam, aren't you?" she asked, probing a little more into our relationship. I felt uneasy, not because we were talking about the physical side of me and Sam's relationship, but because of the guilt and shame that'd been building up in my veins for days. "Wildly," I answered, as if the thing with Tristan wasn't happening.

She smiled. "That's sweet. Are you going to college together next year?"

I shook my head. "No, we're going to take a gap year and do some traveling. He wants to take me to France, show me where he grew up." Could I still do that, though? Did I deserve to?

Useless.

"That sounds so fun," she said wistfully. "I wish I could do that. Stupid college."

"I'll get there, but I need a break."