Playing with Forever

Chapter 44: Kids

The next time I woke up, it was around four in the afternoon, and I was alone. Feeling better, and since the IV was gone from my arm, I sat up, stretched, and went out to the living room where I heard laughter.

A giant pillow fort had been erected in the middle of the room, an elaborate structure of what must have been every blanket we owned, plus a few jackets thrown in. It was a masterpiece of comfy construction.

Giggling spilled out from between the cracks. Nate caught sight of me as I approached. "Intruder!" he cried, throwing a stuff animal at me.

"Intruder!" Paula echoed, and they both began throwing stuffies at me.

"I'm a good intruder!" I called, getting smacked in the face with a stuffed rabbit. "Ow!" I cried as a glass eyeball whacked my forehead.

"Kids only!" Nate said, pushing Sam out the curtain door.

Sam rolled out, indignant. "It was my idea to build the fort!" he protested.

"Yeah, but it's my house!" Nate called back.

I turned to Sam. "You can't fight that logic."

"Fine, Abigail and I will just wait until you go to bed and then we will sit inside and kiss!"

"No!" Nate howled.

"Come on, let's go practice," Sam said loudly so the kids could overhear. They booed as Sam and I went into the kitchen. His demeanor immediately changed when we were alone. Tension shot through him, but he seemed relieved to see me up. "How are you?" he asked, smoothing a hand down my hair.

"Better," I said with a tired smile. "Emile fixed me up. It's just a stomach bug and some dehydration."

"I was so worried," he admitted. True fear shone in his eyes.

I put my hand to his face, giving him a reassuring smile. "There's no reason to worry. I'm just fine."

"But it could have been worse," he said petulantly.

"It could have been, but it wasn't," I said. "I'm going to be okay, Sam."

"What if you were not?" he breathed, eyes manic with terror. "What if you got seriously sick, Abigail? What if you died?"

I startled back at his words. "I'm not going to die, Sam. It's just a little stomach bug."

"Abigail, you are still mortal. You can die."

"I'm not going to!" I protested.

"Jane did."

Oh. He thought... he was worried he would end up like Emile, lost without his Beloved. "Oh, Sam. I'm not going to be like Jane. I'm not going to die."

"You cannot know that for sure."

"No," I conceded. "No, I don't. I guess we just have to live with that uncertainty."

"Abigail," he breathed. "I do not want you to die."

"Well, I don't really like the idea, either, to be honest."

He looked me deep in the eyes, entreating me to listen. "So become immortal."

I inhaled deeply. I wasn't ready to have this conversation. "I'm not ready to choose, Sam."

"You do not have forever, Abigail."

"I still have months! They may not seem like a long time to an immortal like you, but to me it's practically forever."

"It is not," he scolded. "It is not very long at all."

"I know that. But I'm still not ready to chose."

"Don't you want to spend eternity with me?" he said softly.

Of course I did. I had found a man who loved me as much as I loved him, something I never expected to find, and I wasn't ready to let go of that. I knew the only way to do it was to become immortal, though, and I desperately wished there was a second option. "I don't want to worry about it today, Sam. I'm sick."

His gaze lost intensity, and he looked down and cleared his throat. "Alright. Not today." He nodded over to the couch. "Go sit down. Are you hungry?"

"I'm not sure I can stomach anything right now. Because of the stomach bug," I said.

He nodded again, accepting the answer. "I will bring you a drink, instead."

I didn't argue, just let him bring me a glass of water. I was already chocked full of hydration because of the IV, but I sipped the water anyways, just to make him feel better.

We sat on the couch, listening to Paula and Nate laugh from inside. The fabric sides of the fort fluttered about with the movement of the two of them wrestling about inside. Sam's arm was wrapped around me, and I leaned into him gratefully.

My eyes were settling closed again when Sam spoke. "Do you want children, Abigail?"

My eyes snapped open. "What?"

"Children," Sam repeated. "Do you want any?"

I didn't know what to say. It wasn't something I'd really thought about, having kids. I'd been so absorbed in my own life, in my own survival for the last few years, that I hadn't considered ever being able to take care of anyone else. It wouldn't have been an option if my life had continued in Sacramento. Unless he...

I shook my head fiercely at the thought. No. I wasn't going there.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully. I was more concerned with getting to adulthood than what that adulthood might eventually look like. "I like Nate and Paula, but babysitting is really different than being a mom."

"I see."

"Why, do you?" It finally occurred to me what he was asking: was I interested in having a family with him? "Oh, Sam..."

He shrugged. "If you were interested, I think I would like to be a father one day."

"Oh." I went back to looking at the pillow fort. A thought suddenly occurred to me. "Have you had kids before?" He'd been alive a long time. Surely he'd considered having a family before.

Sam smiled ruefully. "No."

"But you wanted to?"

He shook his head. "I have talked with immortals before about children. There is a risk that your children may not become immortal, and you will outlive them."

"Oh." I hadn't thought of that before--I avoided the thought of outliving my loved ones like the plague. But to outlast your kids? "That would be rough."

Outlasting family members and friends was a tough pill to swallow. It wasn't like I wanted to die before everyone else, it was just that loss was such a scary concept. To have to repeat it over and over and over for eternity must be miserable. It was a surprise anyone want to become immortal at all.

"I would like to create a family with you someday, Abigail," Sam admitted. "From what I have been told, the anguish of losing your children is extreme, but the moments of love you share while they are alive is exquisite. To have you at my side would make it worth it, I think."

Avoidance of that thought seemed the best option. Instead of addressing it, I said, "I had wondered if I would be able to have kids if I became immortal."

He sighed deeply with a nod. "You can. I can."

"Something to consider, I guess." In the future. The distant future.

"Someday," Sam agreed, "But not today."

He smiled and kissed my forehead before turning on a movie. The kids cheered and adjusted the blankets so they could watch the TV from the fort. Sam funded a picnic of pizza and rainbow sherbet, the kids accepting us into the fort when bribed with food. After we ate, the kids and Sam pretended to be my doctors, taking care of me in my illness.

I dozed off after dinner, surrounded by love and fun. Maybe having kids wouldn't be a bad thing, after all.

But not now.