Jax X Reader ❤️ 🐇 🎪 (slowburn) (On Hold)

Chap 8

What is time but a human construct designed to help us differentiate our past and future selves? How is something that is confined to our knowledge of it so powerful and damaging? Wait, what am I talking about? I'm sure it has nothing to do with the story... so keep reading!

After Pomni left, you found yourself zoning out to nothing. You didn't want to sleep or go outside to look at the stars, and you sure as hell did not want to have the epiphany that you did. As you were laying there all alone, you couldn't help but wonder how Jax's night was going and if he was just as lonely as you. You felt a deep aching as you thought of him. You felt your cheeks become hot when you thought of his face, you wondered how much more lively everything you had done today would have been if he had been there. You would have loved nothing more than to have him with you now, side by side, counting clouds. Could all this have been if you didn't ban him from your room? Would you feel differently if you had welcomed your friends to your living space as they had always done for you?
If nothing more, at least Jax gave you a reason to come out of your room, even if recently it had been just to taunt him. But all this alone time to think forced you to make a decision: you'd be nice to Jax and really give him a chance. You look over at the picture tacked on your wall with a goofy grin. Whether that be a chance to be your friend or something... else. You'd let him make most of the progress into forming any kind of relationship but you'd happily accept and encourage him. You smile, happy that you were able to reach an understanding with yourself for once. But you still felt sad. Just sad. And nervous... you felt that this ultimately would not work out. You're risking making the biggest fool of yourself you ever have, is it worth it? You feel both motivated and paralyzed at once. You're just so used to being alone you don't even know if you want a change like that, but you can't stay in confinement forever.

Back in confinement, Jax was starting to get just a little antsy. He had no way of keeping track of time and couldn't begin to guess how much longer he had left in the room. There was no one to communicate with, no one to laugh at his jokes or get annoyed at him. Except himself, that is. He's found himself to be quite the charmer, although he already knew that. "It's a flight of stairs? Get it? Like they're on a plane, so it's flight, but you know how people say a 'flight' of stairs? Oh.. you are too funny, Jax." He chuckled to himself as he comically switched places from one side of the room to the next, filling the spots of both jokester and listener. He then grew bored and began humming, sitting very still. He had had this melody stuck in his head since being here. He never cared much for making his own music. In fact, the only time he touched his music box was taking it from Caine to toss to a random place in his room. It was a song you made, he was pretty sure, and he'd rather be listening to torturous screams. He had to keep reminding himself it was just his brain's way of making it through being alone, then he'd find something to occupy his time and the bother would stop. He knew exactly what that would be.
Oh, he was just itching to see you scowl. Not that he really cares about how you feel or what you do, it's not gonna affect him anyway, but it'd make his day to make you scowl. "Caine you're such a stupid, stupidly sulky stick in the mud sucker." He scuffed his foot across the bottom surface before standing up and stretching. He had plenty of room to move around but opted to stay in this one section for some reason. He groaned angrily as he pulled his ears down below his chin before crossing his arms and audibly huffing. That's about all he's been up to. 🤷‍♀️

Back in your room,you're practicing writing out all the different ways you could start to let Jax know you're interested. You could be bold and start giving him gifts but you know you'd never go through with it. Play him a little song? You'd never be able to make yourself sing in front of anyone and a strictly musical tune wouldn't convey the message that clearly. Writing a note just seemed too cliche. Before you know it, over half the day is gone and your room is littered with crumpled ideas. Preparing for the best yet  anticipating the worst, you just cannot come up with the perfect way to communicate with him. There was always the option he'd continue his old ways and that there was nothing genuine about his recent mannerisms besides him getting a good laugh. I mean, he had never pushed or physically harmed you like he often did with the other residents. He was often times the only one making you feel included in group discussions, even if it was just making a smart remark. He never called you bad names or really tried to make fun of the way you were or the things you liked, but he seemed to just.. how do I explain this.. know your insecurities and hang them over your head? In his own little way? He was still a bully! Just.. slightly less to you. You throw your head back and get taken over by the thousand yard stare. Your mind wanders to that door. You don't regret not entering it further. Who knows where you'd be now since it just disappeared like that. You then start wondering... would you feel safer if you and Jax took a journey through one? Would you be putting him and yourself in danger? Hey, what about a different adventure! That's it! It wouldn't be a 'date', but you'd definitely be spending some time with him and showing your friendly side if you could convince him to take a walk with you somewhere. I mean, your options were limited, but you could find somewhere beautiful to spend an evening, right? You may just start counting down the days until his release.

A/N The next chapter I write is gonna be a fun one 🤗 for me. More JAXXX and you, of course. I may publish or at least start writing another chapter tonight. Don't expect any updates tomorrow until later. I'm going to a fall festival with my mom 🍁! I wanted this chapter to be longer but I kind of ended up where I wanted to end it earlier than I expected, eh. The song above is one of my favorites. I love Kudusaibeats. If you like lofi, you probably know him. If you don't, go check him out! Kendall Miles, too. Both excellent lofi artists. MMMM 🪄I have been in such a mood to write! The ideas keep coming. I'm so glad you guys seem to like them. I love you, reader!! Jax loves you reader!! 💕🐇❤️ Drink something, take ur meds, brush your teeth, do your work, get in bed before 2am, love yourself! 🤨 don't follow my examples for some of these ok? ok