Loving the Rejection (Psychology Series #2)

CHAPTER 16

"You can do this, Brey, lalakad ka lang, madali lang naman 'yon," bulong ko sa sarili ko habang naka-tingin pinto ng isang maliit na Chapel.

I asked him to get married as soon as possible while he asked for a short and simple vows, just the two of us, huminga ako ng malalim bago mag-lakad. I was more nervous today than last day, during my graduation. I was wearing a simpleng white dress, the Chapel he chose was simple but perfect for us, tahimik at walang tao.

Pumasok ako sa loob ng tahimik na Chapel. My hands started to shaking, this is just a simple wedding I shouldn't be this nervous after all I never wanted to get married, I just had to. I took a deep breath and my eyes sparks the moment I was Rylen, wearing a white longsleeve polo, he hid his both hands.

He asked for this at hindi ko gustong i-alis ang karapatan niya na gustuhin ang bagay na 'to. I walked slowly, hanggang sa malapit na ako sa kaniya. I watched how he offered his hand and gave me a genuine smiles, he's shaking a bit.

"Thank you for saying yes to my request," he said.

Kaming dalawa lang ang nasa harapan, humarap kami sa isat-isa. Hawak ng dalawang kamay niya ang mga kamay ko, bumaling ang mata ko sa kanya.

"Should I say my vow first?" he asked, getting ready.

"Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko sa'yo ngayon, Rylen," pag-amin ko.

He just smiled and nodded his head. "It's okay, just..just look to my eyes and think that you're marrying the man you prayed for. Pretend that I am that man, Brey."

Huminga ako ng malalim, may ibang rebulto sa loob ng Chapel pero naka-tuon lang ang pansin ko sa nasa gitna at malaking rebulto. I never asked the Lord for a man, for a perfect and good husband because he knew how I suffered sa kamay ng mga lalaki. I never prayed for a husband..but he gave me a man, a man who's willing to spend his life with someone who doesn't love him.

"I..I don't have how it feels like to be loved by a man like you," I started. "I never felt this kind of treatment my whole life, everytime I trust someone they gave nothing but pain, sa totoo lang pagod na akong magtiwala, I already found comfort in loneliness, my body and soul are tired of being heartbroken at hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pang mag-mahal ulit..but I will open my heart again for the last time, for you..and I hope I won't regret this decision someday. I will give you my trust and respect, that is the only thing I could offer right now, Rylen."

I tried to control my emotions. Hindi man ako handa o wala akong hinandang sasabihin nagawa ko pa ring ilabas ang mga salitang nasa isip at puso ko, gusto kong malaman niya 'yon, ngayong araw.

He took a deep breath and held my hands more. Kinagat niya ang ibabang labi, he's ready to speak and say his vows, hindi ko rin alam kung handa ba siya pero mukhang hindi, sasabihin niya lang din ang gusto niya.

"I'm not scared of ghost, animals or any horror movies but scared of love..because love is unpredictable, love is uncertain, love is about planning your future with someone but end up doing the plan alone, love is scary, isn't it? I don't really want to love someone because I was too scared to get hurt, to be a loser and to lose myself..but then I met you," he smiled while his tears were starting to show up. "When you held my hand for the first time that's when I realised how you tamed and handled the monster inside me, I couldn't even handle it but you can, for the first time in my life I was so sure..I'm sure that I'm ready to get hurt, to sacrifice something, to take a risk, to lose myself and I'm ready to love even it means loving someone who deosn't love me, it doesn't matter to me because I am certain..that the pain will be worth because it's you..it's you I'm willing to love, Brey."