Funny little thing called life

Chapter 9

Ali,

I am so sorry for last night. I never wanted to upset you. I know you won't speak to me, but I am hoping that you will read my words.

Remember the day you arrived and saw the flat and enquired as to how we could afford it?

I told you that it was my parents and I could keep it  as long as I stayed in the family business. Well that is true, but there is a lot more to that story and I want to share that with you now. I am hoping that it will help you understand what last night was all about.

While I was in boarding school I fell in with a bad element. I started drinking, smoking  my grades suffered. The school called my parents but I didn't care, I was popular, powerful, the best days of my life. But that didn't last. Drinking and smoking soon wasn't enough and I started taking drugs. Small stuff at first but then I moved onto the harder drugs. 

I can't actually remember my graduation day I was on such a high. After school I decided I wanted to become an actor so my parents paid for acting school. I think they thought  I might clean myself up, but it was the oppposite. Drugs were a lot more available. That continued to be the way for me for the next few years. I flunked out of school and got work in a bar. I loved it, up all night , asleep by day. Some days I would wake up in stranger's houses with no knowledge of even meeting them. I was a complete wreck.

I wonder if Greg ever told you how we met. On his first night in London he came to the bar I was working in. We got to talking for a bit but then I left to get a hit. I ended up taking a bad dose and passed out on the street. I woke up in hospital 2 days later. My parents were worried beyond belief that I would die. I had no recollection of anything. I had doctors, therapists, friends and family all begging me to get help but I still didn't believe I had a problem. I was just having fun. I was in hospital for the week. Then one day I got a surprise visitor, Greg. Turns out he was the one that found me on the street that night. He came in and we chatted. He was telling me that his mother had passed away nearly a year previously and he loved how she would tell him that she had a wonderful life , with no regrets and that he should do the same. So he packed up and moved to London. He said that if I ever wanted to meet up after I got out of hospital then he would be more than happy to. I said yes of course not meaning it, all I wanted was to get out and score some more drugs.

When I got out of hospital I quickly fell back into old habits again. I got into a fight one night ended up back in hospital. My parents had reached their limit and kicked me out of the house. I learned quite quickly my friends weren't real friends when I had no home or money. I was homeless for a bit. One day it was raining heavily and I was sitting on the step of a shop door when I heard "Hello Charlie", it was Greg. I was surprised he greeted me like an old friend, he took me back to his place , gave me food and clothes. He listened as I told him what happened. It was talking with him that made me realise that if I didn't  change I would die on the streets and my parents would never forgive me, so I asked him to help me. 

Greg said he would but I would have to prove myself. He took me to a doctor  who wrote a letter to a clinic who could help me to get clean. I stayed with him for a while until I got a place. He was strict but I needed that. I didn't use while staying with him. When I got accepted to the clinic it was a 90 day treatment centre. No visitors of any kind for the first 30 days. While I was there Greg contacted my family and told them. That helped open communication with them again and for that I will be forever grateful. I completed the 90 days and went to counselling and outpatients appointments when I got out.

I have been clean and sober 1,460 days and none of that would have been possible without Greg. I owe him a lot but he has never asked anything of me. So after about 2 years  of being clean my dad asked me to work for his company. I accepted as I still had so much guilt at what I had done to him and my mom and really wanted to make it up to them and to be honest it felt great to be trusted again. 

So when they gave me this place it was a no brainer, I asked Greg to move in.  So when his little sister  came to visit a little over a week ago, I was mesmerised by her. her beauty, her mind. I wanted to know more. It didn't take more than a few days before I was daydreaming at work. Every moment we shared I was so thankful for, hoping we would share more. 

The night at the bar, I knew I was hooked . Watching your lips as you spoke , your blue eyes so bright. The moment we kissed ( I can't believe it was only 2 nights ago) was one of the best moments of my life. I wouldn't give that memory up for anything.

But the way you reacted, I knew that you have been hurt badly by someone. So I thought about how I could help. I thought that the reflection test would help but I can see that you aren't ready yet. It didn't work for me for a while either but now I find it invaluable. It truly broke my heart to see you upset last night Ali. I hope that you can forgive my error and see that my intentions were pure.

I spoke with Greg and we both think it's best that I stay away for  a few days, until you are ready to be around me again. I will stay with my parents.

Apologises for such a long letter, I just wanted you to know me, to know that you can trust me. I know what it's like to be your own worst enemy. But I promise you things get better, life gets better and you can be happy.

Bye for now,

Charlie.

Tears are flowing down my face. I read Charlie's letter many times and I find a pen and paper to respond. I don't write  a long response, just 9 words;

Charlie, please don't go I want you to stay.