Harry Potter and the Prince of Slytherin

Chapter 44: The Riddle of the Diary

9 May 1993
8:30 p.m. in the Chamber of Secrets

Once it was clear that Jim would soon make a full recovery, Harry told Ginny to stay with him while he took care of one final loose end. Then, Harry carefully stepped through the still-open mouth of the Salazar Slytherin statue and into the chamber within. As he did so, the boy's thoughts were churning even beneath the calm exterior provided by his Occlumency. Unlike Tom Riddle, who had completely excised that part of his own psyche responsible for love and empathy, Harry still had all of his emotions. They were separated from the part of his mind that would determine a course of action (and could even be shut down completely when necessary in the case of emotional responses that might actually become debilitating), but he definitely still had them. And now that the crisis was over, he would need to spend some time soon meditating on those emotions to determine how he felt about things, and more importantly why he felt them.

Item one on the agenda was his cold-blooded decision to use the Notice-Me-Not ring and the Invisibility Cloak just for himself, thereby abandoning his brother to run for his life. Intellectually, it was the right play, a fact borne out not just by Jim's survival but also by his nearly miraculous acquisition of the Sword of Gryffindor. The stratagem also allowed Harry time to interrogate the shade of Tom Riddle and uncover invaluable information about Voldemort. However, that didn't change the fact that he had essentially betrayed his own brother and then used him as bait for one of the deadliest creatures known to wizard-kind. Jim hadn't called him on it – yet – but Harry realized that he'd acted like the absolute worst caricature of a "Slimy Slytherin."

Item two was more straightforward. When Jim returned with the sword just in time for a climactic final battle with the snake, Harry had been about two seconds away from incinerating Ron Weasley. Intellectually, he still thought it was also the right play. If Tom was to be believed, Ron would be dead within a few minutes regardless and his death would bring about the physical rebirth of Voldemort. However, with Ron dead before that could happen, the diary would have been neutralized as a threat and either Harry or Jim would probably have been able to control the Basilisk with Parseltongue. That said, while Harry might not care for Ron Weasley, the young Gryffindor was still a human being. He was also a member of the Weasley family, most of whom Harry rather liked, and the boy was someone with whom Harry shared several common friends. And unlike Draco, whose petty maliciousness had led Harry to consider extreme measures the year before, Ron was basically an innocent dupe, if a somewhat annoying one. All of which meant that the lingering question of "Is Harry Potter a potential killer?" was one that he would need to come to grips with soon.

Item three was perhaps the most vexing. When Jim was dying of basilisk poisoning and Harry's cocky assurance that a bezoar would cure him was revealed as misplaced (and how embarrassing it was for Jim to remember something Snape said that the aspiring Occlumens had forgotten), Harry had shut down his emotional responses. The idea was that rather than become overwrought by his brother's impending death, he could stay calm and try to give Jim a measure of hope in his last seconds. Again, Harry thought it was the right decision. What made it vexing was that it was even necessary. His brief flashback to the first Potions class had made him suddenly remember the level of animosity between them during their first year. And Harry had considered their relationship to be even worse during their second year, only to realize lately that most of their conflicts had resulted from the combination of Jim's use of a dark Occlumency text and Tom Riddle's various schemes and mindgames. Harry had been shocked at Jim's "deathbed apology," to say nothing of his admission that he'd felt jealous of Harry because he feared losing their parents' affection. And now, as a developing Third Level Occlumens, Harry could examine his own emotions and see how much of a role jealousy had played in his own conflicts with Jim. His twin, after all, played no part in Harry being sent to the Dursleys. In fact, since they were twins, it could just as easily have been Harry who became the Boy-Who-Lived out of a freak anomaly and Jim who was sent to live with abusive Muggles. Perhaps it was time for Harry to finally sort out his feelings for Jim Potter and decide whether a fresh start was possible, let alone desirable. Well, with Jim anyway – Harry still thought genuine trust was completely impossible where their parents were concerned.