He is my liberty. Only him? (Fyodor x reader x Nikolai)

Why did you have to come back?

It was the next morning. The sky was grey, only occasional the sun was seen between the clouds. You were walking on the streets through the village you're living in. It was a very rural area in the north of germany, very close to Hamburg and thus close to the north sea.

You walk through the roads between the fields, the wind brushing over your face. You often walked around like that, getting some fresh air, philosophizing over various topics. But today your mind was troubled with painful memories.

Memories of your childhood. Memories of Nikolai. Memories of your relatonship. Spending evenings together, cuddled up in blankets on the floor, reading to each other.

Or mornings at the breakfast table, feeding each other blueberries between sweet little kisses.

You two were mostly at your place. Your parents were often away, even for several months. You never went to a school. You got private lessons at home. So Nikolai usually came over, knocking on your door with flowers in his hands and a bright smile on his face.

You walked past a pasture with goats, grazing. One particular goat with black fur that had a few white dots in it, came over to the fence as it noticed you. It seemed happy to see you, raising up on it's hind legs, stretching the head over the fence.

You chuckled softly, reaching your hand out to pet the goat's head. You had a special relationship with this goat. You found this one when he was little, being stuck in the undergrowth, tangled up in the branches and twigs.

You freed him and brought him to this farmer, who has a herd of goats. Since then you visited him whenever you could and he was always delighted to see you. You even got to name him. You decided to give him the name Cerberus, because you like to think that this name would give him a little more confidence.

This thought may be childish, but that didn't bother you. Cerberus bleated at you joyfully as you pulled out a carrot out of your pocket. You always had one with you when you visited the horned little guy. 

After feeding your goat friend the orange vegtable, you continued your walk, soon reaching the busire parts of your village. You saw children on their way to school, some of them waving at you. You were somewhat known here. Probably because it was a small village where everyone knew everybody. 

That reminded you of Nikolai said yesterday. About you being famous in the underworld. You rolled your eyes at that thought. You didn't know why his words annoyed you so much. After all, it was true. You were known as the Angel of the underground.

Maybe you just didn't want to accept the fact that you helped bad or evil people. For you, something like good and evil didn't exsist. Just peopl who have a diffrent view on the world as yourself. That's why you became an underground doctor.

With nothing to distract you, your mind went back to Nikolai. Why him again? Why couldn't you just forget about him? Even for five minutes? These thoughts were like a parasite, crawling into your brain.

Thoughts about what could've been if you and Nikolai never parted. If you never left the ukraine. Or thoughts about the relationship between Nikolai and the man, Fyodor. What were they to each other? And why did they come to you of all things? Why couldn't Nikolai just let you be? Wait, was it even his fault?

Lost in all these thoughts, you didn't notice you stood in front of the local church, the wind blowing stronger now. You sighed, turning your back at the building, starting to leave until you hear a voice.

"Something seems to be troubling your mind, child."

You turned around to see the priest of the village. An older man, not much hair on his head and that bir he had of a grey, almost white, colour. He always had a kind smile on his face and spreaded a warm and welcoming feeling.

You smiled at the man. You knew him not that well, but you always had the feeling that you could trust him. He always had some great advice, even for people who don't believe in god.

"Just some past memories that are bothering me. Nothing to worry about, really."

The priest still smiled, but shook his head slightly.

"Child, it is important when it's bothering you. It may seem like a small worry now, but you never know how big of a bother it can become in the future. You don't have to talk about if you don't want to, but please remember, you can always talk to me when you feel the need to do so."

You sighed, knowing that he was right. You smiled at him, nodding.

"I know and I appreciate the care. But I don't feel like talking about it just yet."

The priest nodded in an understanding way.

"Then I hope it really is just a small worry. Have a wonderful day, child. May god bless you."

With a last nod, you walked away from the church, making your way back home. As you entered your house, you saw someone laying on your couch. It was Nikolai, softly snoring, his top hat over his face while his head leaned against the armrest.

You sighed as you approached him, grabbing a pillow and a blanket. You carefully lifted his head a little bit and slipped the pillow under it. Then you covered him with the blanket and layed his top hat on the coffee table.

You leaned down to his face, gently stroking some white streaks out of his face and sighed as you felt a sting in your heart. So many things changed. To the better, to the worse? You didn't know. But what you knew is, that your reunion with Nikolai would cause problems. At least for yourself emotionally.

"Why did you have to come back, huh?", you whispered, while looking down at him with tired eyes. Then you got up and made your way into the basement, looking after your patient.

When you entered the room, you were surprised by the sight. The man was awake, seemingly conscious and able to move. He looked around the room, his gaze meeting yours as you entered.

You stared at each other for a while before you decided to speak up.

"Already awake?"

____________________________________________________________

YAY, Fyodor is awake!

By the way, guess who bought 12 volumes of the BSD manga today :)

Pinterest link: https://pin.it/2gjxykT