He is my liberty. Only him? (Fyodor x reader x Nikolai)

Supera mortem

Drowning. A feeling you wasn't exactly unfamiliar with. You hadn't ever tried to drown yourself on purpose, but there have been some situations where you felt like you were sinking into a deep, never ending ocean, unable to move even one muscle. You didn't know how to categories this feeling. On one side it is suffocating, crushing and leaves a heavy feeling in your rib cage. On the other side it had also something peaceful to it.

The feeling of completely numbness, sinking into the depths of something unknown. You didn't know how long you would sink, how deeper down it went. You didn't know where you would land either. If there was even an end to this process or if you would just keep drowning forever. The chilling, yet comforting feeling of ignorance to everything happening in the world made the whole procedure of drowning in an ocean always so enticing to you.

And right now, you were feeling exactly that. Comforted but suffocated. You didn't want to do something about it. Let's just end it all in a slow and leisurely way. There wasn't anything that mattered to you anymore. Now that you finally remembered everything that had happened to this point. Your childhood, your relationship with Nikolai, your move to germany and Nikolai's seperation from you. Then your time at university and your work as the 'Angel' of the underground.

Nikolai's return and the sudden appearence of Fyodor in your life. And how everything went down hill from that point. You were blind, truly blind to the men's intention. How couldn't you hav seen it from the beginning. From the minute you started feeling worse about yourself. How have you not thought of it before?

The family curse.

That was what your parents called it. The secret behind the supernatural abilities in this world. All written down in a notebook.

The notebook belonged to an ancestor of you. The first ability user ever. His ability was called 'Psychosis of a dead man'. No one actually knew what his ability was, how it worked or why it was still functional. Only two things were known. It had something to do with that notebook and it resulted in anyone, who has been affected by it, killing themselves. Your parents, especially your father, had told you to never open this notebook, under no circumstances.

The only problem was that even if you didn't open it yourself, others were still able to do it and the mental problems it was followed by opening it would only affect you since you were the 'heir' of the curse. The last one was your biological mother and she ended up hanging herself. Back then you didn't connect the notebook with that incident.

But now, that experienced everything what she had to go through, you understood why she would do that. Nothing on earth was worthy enough to live in this agony. The notebook was in your possession since you left your childhood home in ukraine. Then, your father had denied you the access to that powerful yet dangerous artefact, but naive and stubborn as you were back then, you stole it the night before you left.

Oh, how foolish you were. It would've been more secured if it was in the hand of your father. No matter the relationship you had with him, you knew that he would've locked it away for your own sake. Why he did it, if he either did because he actually cared for you or because he didn't want you become like your mother, 'sick and useless' in his words, was another question. But he would have made sure that no one besides him knew how to receive the notebook.

And now here you were, caught in an illusion, a nightmare build for you by fate. How could you not see the malice intention these two criminals had with you. If you thought back at it now, none of their affection or words of affirmation really seemed genuine. It was more like an act they put up for you to fall for their little games. All that while they had found the notebook and opened it. Without a second thought what it caused for you.