He is my liberty. Only him? (Fyodor x reader x Nikolai)

Our liberty

Life changes. Constantly. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. And so does yours, even though you didn't have any idea as what you would categorise it. Better, because your mental state and over all health started to regenerate. Wors, because you got betrayed, used and left with a broken heart.

After you were able to leave the hospital, you got admitted to a mental facility. And stayed there. For a long time. Looking back, you can't really remember how long it exactly was. However, it wasn't nearly as bad as you initially feared it to be. Most people there were polite, kind even. Your therapist was very insightful and it didn't take you long to open up to her. A bit at least.

You got regular visits from the orphans. Mostly Sasha, Mason and Christa. Christa had taken over the task to pay Cerberus a visit from time to time and bring him carrots. They also started to take care of your house and your garden as the weather started to get warmer again.

Another big change was the sudden entrance of your father into your life. He really seemed to strive to fix your relationship even though even he knew that this was not possible anymore. What he had done, was done and cannot be changed anymore. Still you were thankful that he at least tried to make things better. He had realised his mistakes.

Your step mother has passed away, shortly after got into the mental hospital. Your therapist was reluctant to let you go to her funeral, worrying that you may not be able to handle it. But at the end you could persuade her to let you go. It wasn't a big funeral. A short burial and funeral service. At your time in the ukraine for the funeral, you had stayed in your childhood home where your father still lived.

He had changed as well. Drastically changed. He had retired and therefore didn't work anymore. As he had a lot of time now, he had started to write. And that a lot. He wrote mostly poems, which he showed you. Every single one of them. At first you weren't that impressed but over time you noticed how he had improved. Sometimes you had clear visions of the scenes he was describing.

You two slowly but surely started to form a bond over art. It wasn't a father-daughter relationship, not even a friendship. It was more like an acquaintance or collegues even. But at least you didn't fear him anymore. Your father also payed you visits as you were in the mental hospital. On walks he told you lot about his own childhood and his relationship with your biological mother.

Their romance reminded you a lot of your early years with Nikolai. Childhood sweethearts with big dreams and ambitions, oathing to always stay at each others side. Your father had told you how he sneaked into your mother's room at night, through the window witha bouquet of flowers. You also got to know what the favourite flowers of your mother were. She really loved daisies.

Hearing all these stories made your heart melt and ache at the same time. You couldn't deny that you missed these times with Nikolai. The time of honesty and genuine love. What had happened? Why did it had to end up like this? You also missed Fyodor, maybe just as much as you missed Nikolai even though you hadn't known him for as long. He just had something that drew you to him. Nikolau must have felt the same. Because at the end, he had chosen Fyodor over you.

As you finally were allowed to leave the mental hospital, you moved back in into your old house. But it became obvious soon that you couldn't live there for anylonger. The reasons for that shouldn't be a secret. Too many memories, too much pain and suffering. But there were still a few things you wanted to do.

The first thing you did, was to take Cerberus back into your care as well as another goat. A white female one named Venus. Shortly after that, you had bought a small farm, farther in the west of germany. You had also sold your house. As much as you loved it as your home, you didn't feel able to keep it any longer. The last thing you did before moving to the farm you bought, was to adopt Sasha and Mason.