Promise

Chapter 29

"What's this?"
I stared down at the paper my dad silently put in front of me on the dining table as I finished pouring myself some cereal the next morning. My dad didn't respond while my eyes grazed over the paper. I felt a ball forming in my stomach and the words became jumbled in my brain.
It was a protection order. One my dad had filed without me.
"Dad, I told you I didn't want this!" I exclaimed. I stood up from my chair, my heart beginning to race at the thought of Jay being served with this new protective order.
"Amore, calm down," Dad said.
"No! Do you know what you've done?"
My dad's calm expression was replaced with frustration as he looked at me.
"What I've done is protect my daughter," he said. "You're underage, I don't need your permission to get a restraining order. If I feel you're in danger then I'm going to do what I have to do."
My body started shaking as I slowly sat back in my seat, still staring at the paper, my vision getting blurry.
I thought about the previous night. How happy Jay and I were being together. How sorry he seemed. How desperate he was to get me to trust him again. I'd given him another chance and now the opportunity to fix everything was being taken away from us. Jay was going to get in trouble now all because of me.
Maybe if I talked to Jay and explained I didn't want my dad to file a new order, he would understand. I didn't want to be away from him so it wasn't like the restraining order mattered anyway. We could still be together. I didn't care what anyone thought of me or him, all I cared about was returning my life back to how it was and that included having Jay in it. My dad just ruined the small bit of progress Jay and I had barely started to make. I had to make this right.
"Dad, please," I said," I don't need this anymore. Jay and I are going to work things out. He wants to make things right between us. He's apologized and-"
"I don't want to hear it anymore," my dad interrupted. "That boy can no longer see you or be near you. The school has been notified as well as his parents so unless he wants to get arrested, there's nothing he or you can do."
I swallowed to prevent myself from crying but my tears overcame me anyway. My dad's demeanor softened immediately but I rejected his comfort as he placed a hand on my shoulder, shoving it off of me. I crossed my arms and let my tears streak down my face.
"Why are you being like this, Amore?" Dad asked, his voice still calm as he sat down in a chair next to me. I didn't reply and my dad sighed, rubbing in between his eyebrows as if I was causing him the biggest headache. "I was scared, you know? That day he kidnapped you."
I avoided eye contact with him as he continued talking. I'd managed to force that memory in the back of my brain, trying not to relive that night.
"He could've seriously hurt you," my dad continued. "He has hurt you. I don't want you to end up dead."
The comment was sharp and unexpected. Jay could never...he would never. Although he'd threatened to in the past, I couldn't imagine Jay actually killing me. He loved me. He said it all the time. He said it yesterday.
I shook my head, trying to convince myself that what my dad had just said was the most outrageous thing in the world.
"Is that what you want, to end up dead?" My dad asked.
I abruptly stood up, the chair scraping on the floor and nearly falling backwards.
"Just stop it," I snapped. I grabbed my backpack from the floor and put it over my shoulders, my hands shaking.
"Stop what? Giving you a reality check?" My dad's patience with me was wearing thin once again, as the conversation progressed.
I wiped my face with the sleeve of my sweater. Everyone was just making this worse and they didn't understand that. I had everything under control. Jay and I were headed in the right direction again and now I just felt like we were back to square one.
"Sweetheart, please, I love you," my dad said. He stood up and walked over to me. "I just want you safe." He wrapped me in a hug and I stood there limply, crying into his shirt. He wanted me to be safe but what he'd done had jeopardized that.

I hadn't heard a word from Jay so far nor had I seen him on campus as the day went by. I even kept an eye out for his sister. Any sign to show me he was here.
Once lunch came around, my nerves had only gotten worse. As I stood in line, I couldn't help but think about the first time I interacted with Jay in this very spot. How he'd paid for my lunch. He wasn't always so mean. He had a heart and he cared about me. I didn't want to be like everyone else, only seeing the bad. Jay deserved the benefit of the doubt.
I felt someone tap my shoulder and I turned around a part of me hoping it was Jay but another part of me was relieved when I saw it was just Kendra.
She smiled but it faltered when I stared back at her.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
Everyone was always asking me that and I was tired of giving the same answer. I was never okay.
"Um, yeah," I mumbled.
"Do you want to sit together?" Kendra asked.
I glanced over at the table me, Kendra, Chantel and Yasmine all used to sit at together. Chantel and Yasmine were sitting at the table talking to each other not aware of Kendra and I having a conversation. I was already feeling anxious about running into Jay now I was anxious about reconnecting with my old friends.
"We miss you," Kendra said as if sensing my hesitancy.
Kendra I could believe, but I didn't know if Chantel had the same sentiments. I wanted to hold a grudge against them for not being around after the incident but I didn't want to be a hypocrite. If I could forgive Jay then I could make up with them as well.
"Sure," I said. I paid for my lunch and waited for Kendra to pay for hers before following her to the table.
"Look who decided to join us," Kendra said with excitement as we approached the table.
Chantel and Yasmine looked up at me, Chantel giving me an awkward smile while Yasmine got out of her seat to give me a surprising enthusiastic hug.
"The gangs all here," Yasmine said sitting back down.
I took my sets next to Kendra and unwrapped my spork set, not knowing what to say or do.
"We were just talking about prom," Yasmine said. "We're thinking of going dress shopping soon if you want to come."
"Oh, yeah, sure," I said, knowing full well that was something I didn't want to do.
"Are you gonna have a date or what?" Chantel asked in her same old nosey tone.
I caught Yasmine nudging her with her elbow and Chantel gave her an innocent look. Kendra looked at me also curious to my answer.
"Are you going to have a date?" I asked back. "I know you're not over my brother yet but he hasn't mentioned taking you."
"Ooh," Yasmine covered her mouth dramatically, looking at Chantel for her reaction.
Surprisingly, she laughed.
"I forgot you're just as much of a bitch as me," she said. Her tone was playful making some of the tension I felt go away. "To answer your question, though, I have some options lined up, you can tell Chris that."
I controlled the urge to roll my eyes. As far as I knew, Chris was not worried about her. Even if he was giving me the silent treatment at the moment, I knew my brother. Chantel had her chance with him and she blew it.
The conversation shifted from prom, to the latest breakups and rumors going around. I didn't completely miss these baseless conversations the four us would have during lunch, but I couldn't deny it brought me a bit of happiness being in the loop again. It also helped temporarily distract me from the brewing problems going on in my private life.
However I couldn't completely ignore them.
"Why you looking so miserable, girl?" Chantel asked all of a sudden, bringing the attention of the table to me.
"I'm not," I said, shrugging my shoulders awkwardly. I glanced at her cheer sweatshirt and decided to switch subjects. "So, how's cheer going? Anything new happening?"
"Nope, but how come you never came back on the team?" Kendra asked. "I know you were suspended but coach thought you would stay."
I didn't know how to answer the question honestly. I'm sure they knew or at least suspected the reason. Jay had played a major factor in me leaving the team. Even after we broke up I didn't have the guts to ask for my spot back.
"You should come to practice after school," Kendra continued. "I'm sure coach wouldn't mind."
"I don't know about that," I mumbled.
I didn't want to admit it to them but I didn't necessarily have the confidence to be cheering. Not to mention I'm sure I was rusty, I hadn't done any physical activity for months.
"Just come, you seem like you need something to do," Kendra said gently.
I didn't reply, swallowing a bit of my food even though I hardly could taste what I was eating.
"She's right, you too depressed for me," Chantel said with a stank face.
I wanted to be offended by her comment but she was right. I felt like I'd been bringing the mood down for a lot of people in my life. It wouldn't hurt to push aside all of the turmoil going on and exchange it for just a moment of normalcy and happiness. This could be good for me.