Is this love? | Hyunlix - DISCONTINUED

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When Felix woke up Hyunjin was in the shower and his roommate was still sleeping in his own bed, lying on his stomach with an arm dangling out of bed.

He looked around and found his cell phone in his pants pocket on the floor. He had 5 missed calls from Jisung and a message saying "I saw you sleeping with Hyunjin when you wake up call me". But he did not what he was told to, he preferred to try to fix the thoughts that flooded his brain and then get dressed, and only at that point he decided to write him back.

Are you in our room?

The answer came only seconds later.

Yes, join me

Similar messages from Jisung did not accept a no in response.

"You can go now," a voice filled the silence of that room and Felix raised his head, looking at the person who had just greeted him so kindly.

"Good morning to you too" Felix gave voice to his thoughts before he could stop himself.

Hyunjin was not looking at him, his low face was pointed at the chair where the blond had left the clothes that had been lent to him after changing, that handsome face was largely hidden by the raven hair that fell light, eyes covered and lips outstretched, like they almost wanted to say something, but no answer was heard.

Hyunjin couldn't speak. The pain stuck every word in his throat, and he couldn't get them out.

Felix was good at reading silences, but this was one of the ones he couldn't interpret well, which he gave a completely wrong meaning.

"Why don't you speak? It's all right?" A painful wrong awareness made room within himself, but he didn't want to accept it. He couldn't accept it.

"Hyunjin...".

Felix was interrupted before he could continue the sentence, "I told you you can go now, Minho and Jisung came back, you can go to your room now" Hyunjin managed to get out.

A part of himself wanted to hold him tight and never let him go, caress his hair and smell his scent all the time, hear him talk and look at him in those beautiful eyes without ever getting tired. On the other hand, he just wanted to see him walk out the door and out of his life, leaving no trace. And if that meant being hated, he would be hated. It was something he had already done, it wouldn't have been different or difficult just because it was Felix. He was no exception.

"You could say good morning at least" the youngest's voice was bitter, his heart was writhing and his stomach was knotted. He didn't want to give in to that awareness, because it wasn't true, it couldn't be true.

"Good morning, Felix" he said slowly, rolling his eyes.

"What's so hard about saying good morning?" the blond's voice almost cracked, his eyebrows curled framing his beautiful face of that so intimate and spoiled feeling.

"Nothing".

"Then why do you look so annoyed?! If something is wrong you can talk-".

"There's nothing wrong" the other interrupted, acid, "You have to learn to fucking mind your own business Felix, and even if there actually was something bothering me I wouldn't come to tell you" Hyunjin could swear to feel the heart of the youngest break into a thousand sharp shards inside his rib cage, falling to the ground. But he wouldn't bend down to pick them up.

The moment Felix offered his help, Hyunjin realized that if he let him finish his sentence, he could never go back. He had to stop him and stop the previous words from entering him, his heart, because he would never get them out. He had mentally blocked his ears and raised his voice, giving voice to thoughts that were not his, but that he could not help but show.

"You... used me" Felix remarked, bringing out the truth that neither of them wanted to admit, "Why did you do it?" Hyunjin was too good to do such a thing, Felix knew it; his words could not be telling the truth.

But the raven-haired, who wanted to remain silent, had noticed the determination in Felix's eyes that they thought, that they knew things were not like that, and he was forced to speak. He pulled out the worst part of his heart, or maybe it was his mind talking, not that he was much interested at the time.

"You have a beautiful body," he began, without looking directly at the other. He didn't want him to read the insecurity in his eyes with which he uttered every single syllable, "Everyone bragged so much about having a turn on you that I said to myself: why not? In fact, I hadn't had sex in a while" He looked up at the youngest, regretting it as soon as he saw his eyes surrounded by tears and his face reddened. He felt a burden in his heart and for a moment he hesitated. He wondered if it was the best decision. What if he didn't finish it there? What if he ran to hug him and whisper words of apology hoping for his forgiveness?His broken heart, kept closed for too long, gave him the answer.

"I want you out of here now, I don't need you anymore" those words slowly left his lips, sounding every word well so that he could come directly to him without any syllables left aside.He swallowed looking at him. Felix trembled slightly, almost imperceptibly, and he promised to himself not to let his tears run down his cheeks; he would no longer be seen weak in front of him, he could not do it. His hands were clenched in trembling fists, he wanted to speak but his voice would betray him.

He turned and left the room quickly, slamming the door behind him.

Jeongin had listened to the final part of the conversation but pretended to be asleep even after the blond had left.

After that, the only sound that was heard was the silent sobs that came from Hyunjin, lying in the other bed facing the wall.

Entering his room, a sob broke him, vibrating in his throat. And soon two arms were holding him, holding him up because his knees were too weak to support his entire body weight.

Felix had believed it. He had believed that it could work, he had seen something good in him despite the rumors, but he was wrong. He was so wrong, he wouldn't forgive himself.

"I'm terrible" he had sobbed in tears, "I can never do anything good" he cried in his friend's the arms, suffocated voice on his chest, "They always tire of me and leave me so" strong tremors shook his body and he found it difficult to swallow, "What's wrong with me?".

'Why does it always have to end like this for me?'.

Jisung held him tight, as if he could dissolve at any moment without either of them having time to notice. His hands caressed his body and hair trying to reassure him as best he could.

He took his face in his hands and placed it in front of his own. His face was reddened, his eyes swollen and red, his eyelashes dampened and his cheeks wet, lined with tears that kept sliding out of his precious eyes, constantly.

"You're fine as you are, Felix. You're perfect. You are sweet, kind, funny, caring, cute, accept the spaces of others, you are understanding, attentive to other's feelings and do not make them feel bad, and I could go on forever" he began to list his merits, seeing the other pull up with his nose and curve his tremulous lips upwards, for what he could. He smiled and caressed his cheeks with his thumbs carefully.

"You're not the problem, they are, and you don't have to change just because of their bastard attitudes" they looked into each other's eyes for a long time, "It'll be all right, I promise you" he passed his thumbs over the blond's cheeks, trying to wipe away his tears.

Felix returned to press his face against Jisung's chest, but this time with less tears to wet the fabric of the shirt.

My babies ):