The Dalish Warden (The Daughters of Thedas Book 1)

59: A Personal Sacrifice

Soundtrack:

Into the West ~ Annie Lennox (A Personal Sacrifice)

We were all, save Alistair, gathered in Eamon's study. Eamon and Teagan had already gone ahead. The door opened and we turned to see Alistair walk in.

He made a beeline for me. "We... need to talk." He glanced at the others. "Privately." He motioned out the door and we left the room, Tristan trailing behind us. Alistair led the way to the room he had taken during our stay here. "I don't really question why you did what you did. I didn't want to become king and you knew that but it had to be."

"It wasn't an easy choice, Alistair."

He sighed. He was acting a bit like he had when we first approached Redcliffe village and he grudgingly told us about his parentage. He had something to say and didn't want to say it. I had a guess on what it could be.

"Being king... raises questions about us. About you and me." The conversation I had been dreading since I named him as king. My guess was correct.

"What sort of questions?"

"First, there's the fact we're both Grey Wardens. It's not just a question of obligation but of blood. You know that Grey Wardens don't usually live to become old, right."

"Yes, I'm aware of that. Because of the taint."

"As king, I'll be required to have a child. Even more so because my death is assured. That's assuming that someone with the taint can or even should have a child." Already talking children? He hadn't been king for a few hours yet. Well, technically, he wasn't king. Okay, I'm rambling.

"Don't Grey Wardens have children?"

"Not with each other. Even one parent with tainted blood means having children is not recommended. All the Grey Wardens I knew with children had them before they joined the Order. I will need to find a wife, one who can bear a child. Who will live to raise it. I don't relish it but... I have a duty as the king."

I looked away so he couldn't see my hurt. "I guess you don't have to worry about me giving you half-blood bastard children then."

"That's not what I meant, Realin. I don't care that you are an Elf." Alistair put his hand on my cheek, turning my face towards him, although I couldn't meet his eyes. "I love you. More than I ever thought possible but... I have to face what this means. I can't run away from it anymore."

"Is this revenge for making you king?"

"No, of course not. I said I understand why you decided what you did and I do. But at the same time, I cannot avoid what that entails."

I looked down. I knew this would happen after Alistair became king. But it didn't mean it hurt any less. He lifted my chin.

"You are more of a Grey Warden than I could ever be." He looked into my eyes and I knew he could see the hurt in them. "You made that decision knowing what that could do to us, didn't you?"

"It's not an easy sacrifice to make, Alistair."

"I guess making sacrifices is what Grey Wardens are good at." He kissed me one last time. "I'm sorry, Realin." He turned away, unable to look at me. "I'm... going to go ahead and set up camp. I'll see all of you when you arrive but I need to be by myself for a while. Arl Eamon has left for Redcliffe. He says the army has gathered there and is almost ready to march. As soon as we're ready, we should head there ourselves. The Blight awaits, right?" He walked towards the door and stopped, slightly turning as if he were going to say something else. He opened his mouth but never said anything else before he walked out the door.