eyeless - steddie✩

𝟎𝟏.

!!TW!! Strong mentions of suicide.

I lit my cigarette with empty thoughts. There was nothing to THINK about. My life was regular and nothing had changed beside meeting Robin and the mall burning down. I was finishing school as a senior and I don't plan on college because they parents refused to pay for it and I can't make that type of money from working at the register of a video store

The kids are normal and just got into their freshmen year, which is unbelievable to me. I'd been depressed lately and debated killing myself once or twice, but I knew I was being irrational and dramatic. What would I kill myself for? Nothing was going wrong in my life except for love. Now that was something to think about, love.

It's been years since I've romantically liked someone, and that was only Nancy. Nancy Wheeler's a tough girl and smart, but our spark is gone now. I've tried dates but none of them worked out and I just ended up feeling unfulfilled after, like I wasted my time. Not to suck my own dick, but I know girls are attracted to me and want me, but it seems to be all the wrong girls. None of them are actually interested in me as a person, they just want to know how it feels to date the "king" and suck my dick once in a while. They'll look back on their teenage life and reminisce to their kids about how she dated the most popular guy in her high school. It's all bullshit anyway, like Nancy said.

I feel like nothing except a thing to show off. A defense mechanism. A guard. A man.

A man. I love being a man, but I feel as if I am not 'manly' enough to be one. I literally debated killing myself over feeling like I wasn't getting enough attention. I could never kill myself though, I have people that care about me and I care about them. I could never do that to Dustin or...Robin. Robin.

Robin is my number one, the only person I've trusted with my life. She is the brightest and funniest person I know and I wouldn't know what I would do without her to be honest. She would instantly make me feel better if I felt horrible and she would give me decent advice. I've never been more grateful to have someone in my life before.

I finished my cigarette and stomped on it before I went back into my workplace, the video store. I opened the door and I was met by a wide-eyed Robin and she was on the phone with—I assume—a crazy customer. I shut the door and walked behind the register, putting my ear up against the phone. It was an upset woman's voice, she was saying something about refund or not saying anything about the return policy. I chuckled as I lifted away from the phone and sat on the stool in front of the computer.

Robin obliged with the woman and eventually said her goodbyes. "Holy shit Steve. I was at least on the phone with her for 20 minutes. She was yapping about the fucking return policy even though there's a big sign in front of the door AND on the counter. Dumbass fucking bitch." She complained in a fast speed. I laughed at her comment, I could tell she was extremely frustrated.

I spun around in the stool and faced the door, the sun was still beating down and there was very few customers in the store. It was a slow day for a weekend day, which was surprising. I leaned against the counter with my elbow and hand holding my face as my other arm lay across the cold counter.

A boy came up to the counter with 2 VHS in his hand. His hands were littered with rings and messy black nail polish. I looked up and saw—none other than—Eddie Munson. I almost stopped in my tracks. He looked so different and so...good? His hair was curled perfectly around his face and shoulders and his grin fit his attitude so well.

"Hey" he greeted. "Hi" I smiled, but not too much. I rung him up and told him the total. "That'll be $4.50" I leaned against the counter with my hand. "For two VHS tapes?" He snorted. "Unfortunately" I smiled at his laugh. He pulled out 5 bucks from his pocket and put it down on the table. "Keep the change, Harrington" he winked as he turned back to the door and exited the store.

All I could do was just freeze. I snapped back to reality when I realized I had to but the cash in the register. Eddie filled my brain now. His aroma, his style, his grin, his attitude, even the way he spoke. He spoke in this low raspy voice but it was occasionally not that low. He smelled of weed and cheap cologne that he seemed to have doused himself in. His grin was daring and made him look tough, but also kind at the same time.

What is happening to me? Why do I care so much about how Eddie Munson smells and his smile? I don't care.
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a/n: let me know what you think of the first chapter! I know it's pretty depressing at the start but I write this like it's a book lol.