eyeless - steddie✩

𝟏𝟑.

!!TW!!: mentions of suicide. Btw I headcanon Steve is VERY European so he can speak French and he's Italian🤌this is relevant in this chapter bc this is the first time I'm bringing it up lmao.
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Another week passed me by and school started again. The days blended together in an endless nothing with periods of despair in between.

"The fuck is up, Steve?" Robin snapped at me at the lunch table. I was surprised at her sudden stop of rambling. "You've been super depressed for months and you look like death, what's up?" She questioned. I was taken aback at the sudden recognition of me and my sulky attitude. "I-I don't know, Rob. I've just been down lately and the only thing making me not feel like shit is when I'm with you or-" I stopped myself short. "Him." I said.

She furrowed her eyebrows together in worry. "I appreciate that but, what's going on? Are things okay with family?" She whispered and leaned closer to me. I rolled my eyes and she hit my shoulder in a 'I'm-not-fucking-around' way. "I've just been feeling depressed or something. Just questioning what I'd be like if I weren't here, but I'm NOT gonna kill myself. I'm just- I don't know" I ran my hands across my face in frustration to find the words to explain my shitty feelings. "Killing yourself? Are you serious? That's like- a big statement" her voice became quiet and calm but serious and worrying. It sucks seeing her worry about me. "I'm not going to! I've just-" I stopped talking as I realized I've said too much. I felt tears in my eyes form but I quickly blinked them away.

Robin just sat there, wide-eyed and speechless.
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I sat in the back of Eddie's van with my head in his lap. He played with my hair as he rambled about the DND club he had today. "Mike saved our asses in game today, along with that Erica kid. She doesn't fuck around I'll tell you what." He laughed. I smiled up at him.

The conversation I had with Robin at lunch today really bummed me out and all I can do is just pretend I'm fin when I'm with him. "She is tough." I agreed. I turned my head toward him so my head was kind of buried into his stomach. He hummed as he closed his eyes and leaned his head back. "You tired?" I asked. "Very." He mumbled. I smirked as an idea came to my head.

I lifted my head off his lap and crawled on top of his lap, holding his face. He chuckled as his hand landed automatically on my hips and one on the back of my thigh. I kissed him deeply and passionately as he held me close.

I gripped his neck as I made love to his pretty lips and he just smiled on mine. I turned my head to kiss him more and more until I couldn't even bear it. I broke away from him. "I think I understand why the girls like you so much" he laughed again. "Shut up" I kissed him again, his hand slithered up to my hair.

He swayed our heads as we made out in the back of his van.

I moved my mouth away from his and made my way to his neck, placing dark hickeys on his lower neck. Unseeable. He chuckled and I pulled my head away from the crook of his neck. I rested my hands on his chest and just sat there with Eddie's hands wrapped around me and mine around him. I didn't feel empty anymore—well, less empty—I guess.

I shifted off of his lap and just laid on the floor staring up at the ceiling of his shitty van. "What's up?" Eddie tapped my leg repeatedly, almost in a rhythm. 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 1 & 2 & 3 & 4. Fuck. Did I have to open up to him too?

"Nothing, I'm just tired. Didn't sleep last night." I lied. He hummed as he continued to tap my leg in his rhythm. "Are you tired of me yet?" He blurted out, and I could tell he regretted it immediately after he said it. I furrowed my eyebrows together in disbelief at the question. TIRED of him? I sprung up to face him. "tired of you? God no. You keep me-" It nearly slipped. "You keep me going, Eddie." I said. He cocked his eyebrow as he stopped tapping my legs and just rubbed it with one finger back and forth.