eyeless - steddie✩

𝟏𝟓.

!!TW!! Mentions of suicide
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I felt weak. Disgusting. Wet. My face was wet with emotional breakdown. I couldn't stop the feelings pouring into me and then out. It hurt. It hurt so much. I can't stop thinking about "what if". Why not end it all?

But that's not how that works, is it? I can't just "end it all" because it doesn't really end. I have people to look after, people I need to be here for. People who care. Then again, do I even care about myself? Had I ever?

Maybe I should cut myself some slack, I mean, I've been through the lowest and I've made it out alive. But I don't know about this one.

And Robin, oh god, Robin. She wouldn't know what to do with herself if I ended it. I matter. (You matter).

Eddie was sound asleep below my body, snoring lowly. I held onto him, staring at the bookshelf with a wandering mind. I kept him up for 2 hours talking about what goes on in my head. And he cared. He listened to every word while looking me in my eyes and reassuring me. Somehow it didn't feel like enough. He kissed me and when I fell into his touch again, and it healed me for a while. That addiction made me feel wild. His eyes made me feel wild. His lips. His hair.

His hands. The way he moved them. He moved them like a broken ballerina searching for desire. Aspiration to be loved and to love.

I felt myself slip into the dark void of sleep, dreaming away on his rising chest. I wish I could never leave this. I want to stay here forever. Forever and ever. Never leaving this rising and falling dream world where I can have peace and solitude with the pretty long-haired boy who held me when I felt like I could disappear at any moment.
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I woke up to the same boy who held me the night before, stilling snoring. I continued to lay on his body, just to cherish this before it evaporated into another memory. His heartbeat rhythm lulled me and kept me calm, it distracted me from the terrors of my head. My eyes fluttered to rest on his soul, healing me with every movement.
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When I woke up again, Eddie had to get up from the couch to make cereal as breakfast. I sat at the counter admiring the guy in front of me, just casually. "Watcha looking at?" He smirked at me. I smiled tiredly. "You" I said. He chuckled. I smiled back at him. Almost wanting to cry again. He's done everything and more for me, how can I even thank him?

"Thank you for staying with me, it- it means a lot, Eddie." I stuttered. He handed me the bowl. "Don't worry about it. I care about you, Steve." He locked his eyes with mine. I couldn't look away. I nodded. So beautiful.

He ate from his Frosted Flakes bowl, staring into it. I felt sick but starving so I devoured that bowl in minutes. I checked my my watch and almost choked on my cereal. "Holy shit, I am SO late for work" I started scrambling to get dressed. My watch read 11:52, work started at 9:30. I ran up the stairs and bolted into my room and heading straight for my closet, I heard Eddie's footsteps following behind me. "How late are you?" He asked. "Almost 3 hours late" I said, panicking. I grabbed dark blue jeans and a nice navy and yellow polo shirt and ran to my bathroom.

"Why not stay home? Call in sick?" Eddie was in my room now. "I can't! I'll get fired if I have another sick day and my boss is gonna kick my ass" I stepped out of the bathroom and was met by the messy haired boy. I nearly stopped in my tracks, somehow amazed by his presence. "Plus, Robin is gonna kill me if I don't show up. I'm surprised she hasn't called a billion times" I rushed to put on my shoes. I rapidly tied the laces as Eddie stood there.

"I'll wait here for you, when does your shift end?" He stepped in front of me, my eyes at his feet. I looked up at him, I was entranced and blushed immediately at the position. He was looking down at me. My eyes fluttered.

I looked up at him with pleading eyes, unsure what I was pleading for. Touch? Maybe. Yes, touch. Touch me, Eddie. I thought. His hand reached down to my face and pulled my up, I was face to face with him.

We stared for a couple seconds before he kissed me with an open mouth and tongue. Forget work. I moaned and gripped his neck, melting into his touch.

He's fucking addicting. I felt like an addict when he touched me, I needed more and I'd give my soul for his love.

I let his tongue slip across mine and I felt his tongue ring against mine. Good fucking lord. I felt him smile and break away, just to attack at my neck. His fingers wrapped around my neck to keep me still and at attention. I groaned in his ear as my digits tugged at his hair my other hand on his torso. He bite my lower neck and I winced and I nearly threw my head back at the action. "Fuck.." I whispered. He licked the mark and kissed it then broke away from my body, kissing me as a send off. I held onto that kiss for a second and painfully left his touch. "Good god..I-I gotta get to work. I-I'll see you later, Eds" I stuttered. I love how he made me nervous, and I knew he loved it too. I reached for the door and almost fell down the stairs recalling what just happened.
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A/N: leaving this chapter on a romantic note, idk listening to Alice In Chains got me in a mood🤷‍♀️ enjoy this romance