eyeless - steddie✩

𝟏𝟒. 𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐝𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝

!!TW!! Suicide mention and SH is shown in this chapter. Skip this chapter if you need to. From this point forward, these chapters will get darker and more depressing, it's part of Steve's storyline.
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I laid on the bathroom floor, crying. I get like this when I'm alone.

I've been less alone now that I have Eddie in my life, but everything comes back to those words repeating quietly in my head. "You should die because you have no purpose." It said. I knew I had a purpose, but I don't know what it was. Is my purpose to stay stuck in this shitty town forever? Stay stuck working the same job until I'm ashes? Watch everyone around me grow a life while I stay stuck in the past?

I press my palms to my eyes to stop the stinging after I've been sobbing for a while now. I felt my arms pulsate, screaming something at me. I held myself back, knowing this was a bad option but the screams kept becoming louder and my arms itches. I groaned in pain.

I sniffed and became lightheaded at the amount of air I took in every few seconds, I nearly wanted to faint. I looked up at the bathroom countertop knowing there was a shaver up there. I shook my head and screamed of frustration, my decisions were unclear. Had I wanted to harm myself or was that just the anger talking? I didn't know.

‼️𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆‼️
I grabbed a towel and wiped my tear-stained face and stinging eyes. I threw the towel aside and brought myself up, becoming lightheaded from the amount of time I laid on the floor. I opened the bathroom door and trudged to my dark room, my eyes continuing to be like poisonous daggers. I spotted a lighter in my room next to a bunch of shit on my desk and grabbed it. I stared at my hand for a while, the red lighter staring back. My breathing became uneven and stuttered. I let out a whimper of disappointment and sadness. I traced my eyes to my bare,tanned, and smooth skin with guilt and certainty.

I gulped. Was I really about to do this? Don't I deserve it, for everything that's happened to me?

I flicked the lighter with shaky hands. I brought the lighter to my forearm, becoming dangerously close. The burning sensation coated my tanned skin and I lifted my head back in pain, realizing that was a terrible idea. I threw the lighter in panic and a dark spot formed on my arm. "shit...fuck.." I said, getting up from the floor. Tears welled in my eyes and I felt the aching pain in my chest, the kind that screamed out of your mouth.

I let out whimpers of weakness, had it really gotten this bad? I thought I'd never.

I wiped the tears before they even fell and stared at the burn. I sniffled and decided I would just pretended from now on, pretended for everyone until I actually felt okay again. "Stop stop stop stop stop stop" I muttered while pacing and shaking my left hand fast. I controlled my breathing and knew what I had to do.

I rushed to the phone and dialed his number, biting at my nails while I waited for him to pick up. "Munson residence" a smooth tone said. "Eddie!" I gasped. "Hey Steve, what's up?" He sounded concerned, he was noticing. "Uhm- nothing, really. I just- I need you to come over" I said shakily but I attempted to calm myself. "You sound like you've been sobbing? Are you sure you're okay? I'll be over in 10." He confirmed. "Uhm- can I just talk to you when you get here?" I stuttered. "Yeah, I'll see you soon" then he hung up. I wanted to break down again. I can't handle this.

I sat around, laying on the carpeted floor staring at my ceiling while salty drops fell down into my ears. Darker thoughts had consumed me and all I could do was space out while laying on the floor, completely vulnerable to my own thoughts. I don't remember how long I've been sitting here, but I heard rapid knocks at my front door. I got up with blurry eyes and opened the door. I was met with an incredible impact to my whole body, arms wrapped around my torso and one on my head, keeping me close.

I just stood there. "Are you okay, Steve?" Eddie pulled away, placing his hands on my side of my head. I frowned and sobbed, he quickly held me again. I sobbed into his chest and nearly felt myself collapse into his arms. I sobs became loud and loud even hard for me to listen to. I gasped for air as I felt my arms weaken into his touch and all he could do was hold me tight and whisper into my ear, 'I've got you'. "It's okay, it's okay. I have you, I've got you." I could tell he was confused and didn't know what to do.

"I'm sorry" I sobbed into his neck. "No, no. It's okay" he sniffled. But it wasn't okay, I was pouring everything onto him without warning. I kept bawling to him and I couldn't seem to stop, my knees weakened. We fell to the floor together as he held me.
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A/N: hey!! Sorry I've been gone a LONG time. I'm battling with some problems right now and i had to focus on myself for a while. I'm back though :-)