eyeless - steddie✩

𝟏𝟎.

I woke up feeling like shit. A sudden wave of depression invaded my body. No motivation to do..anything, really. Of course Eddie made me feel better, but there was a lurking ache in the air falling from me. I stood against the kitchen counter, watching Eddie attempting to make scrambled eggs.

I felt empty again like I did a few weeks ago. I didn't feel euphoric like I did last night or at the night of the party, I just feel like I don't want to deal with anyone.

"What's up, Steve?" He said without even looking at me. Does he have a sixth sense or something?

"Nothing. Just staring at you" I smiled. He laughed at my comment and kept fiddling with the stove handles. He still kept his rings on.

"Do you sleep in those? Your rings?" I crossed my arms. "Sometimes, but I try not to. I just feel naked without them on" he shrugged. "They look so pretty" I went for his right hand. He let me take his decorated digits as he cracked an egg with his other hand. I studied the metal designs on his fingers. A skull with red sparkles for eyes, a goat with sharp horns and a normal silver one with disappearing writing on it.

"What did this one say?" I tapped his ring finger. He paused for a second and sighed. "my uncle Wayne gave it to me for my 18th birthday. It has my last name on it." He said with a smile. "It's pretty" I was mesmerized. I could see a cursive M left over from the beat up engraving of his name. "What happened to it?" I fidgeted with his rings as I watched him stir the egg in the pan.

"Fights, falling, guitar strumming, or other" he listed without thought. He let me play with his hands as he chopped up the eggs with a spatula. "Can I kiss you?" I said after a couple moments of silence.

He placed the spatula down quickly and grabbed my face. He connected his lips with mine for what seemed like endless moments of bliss. I wrapped my arms around his torso and held him close to me. So so so close. He let go and gave me a warm pretty smile. I felt my gloomy achey mood lift just at the touch of his fingertips.

"I-" I began. The words nearly slipped from my tongue. "I really really like you, Eddie" I buried my face into his neck as I whispered. He let his arms wrap around my neck and his fingers in my hair. It was comforting to say the least.

"I like you more, Stevie" he kissed my cheek. We stood there connected for a couple minutes. I opened my eyes and giggled. "Your eggs are burning Eds" I laughed. "Oh shit!" He let go of me and attended to the burning breakfast. A string of curses fell from his mouth and all I could do was laugh. I wish it could be like this all the time.

He returned to the eggs with hit tongue sticking out as he focused. I chuckled and walked to the couch. As I walked away, my smile faded and the achey feelings came back. It's like Eddie has some magical aura or some shit. Every time I was near him all of my sadness floated away. How does he do that?

I slumped down and laid across the couch staring at the ceiling. Dark thoughts crowded my headspace as I stared into the yellow painted ceiling. 'Does Eddie even really like me? What if I'm just another one-time thing? Do I even matter to him? Does he even care? What if he stops liking me? What if he forgets me? Why do I like him so much? Did last night even mean anything to him?' As I kept questioning practically everything, tears puddled into my eyes. I couldn't let Eddie see me cry, I couldn't.

I blinked the salty tears away and wiped my eyes. I can't help but overthink this whole thing, it's too perfect. I've never been loved like this before, not even from my parents. I guess "loved" is a strong word for my mom and dad. Eddie always presented himself as a badass but we all knew he was just a fucking nerd. Maybe that's why I like him so much. He can be badass, I guess. He told me stories about fights he's had and how he cut someone because they fucked up his friend Garrett.

He has a leftover scar from Jason Carver. "Devil" it read. It was barely noticeable and you couldn't read it from the shitty handwriting—or carving. Eddie was sitting on a picnic table smoking and crying because his mother died in a shooting in Chicago. He never really knew his mother but he remembers her. He spent 9 years with his parents before Wayne got custody after he convicted his parents of abuse. His mother was always out but she could be kind when she wasn't drunk. She defended Eddie from his father when he hit him, but that only made her worse. Soon she blamed everything that happened to her on Eddie and she resented him. Eddie's dad was jailed for 25 years, and Eddie said he's gonna be gone before his dad can find him.

Anyway, Jason and his friends found him sitting there, so they took the opportunity to ambush him. They grabbed him and pinned him to the dirt floor, which almost gave him a concussion. Or so he said. Jason pulled out a switchblade and cut into Eddie's abdomen. It makes me sick thinking about it. Eddie said they just left him there after he stopped fighting and just kept crying, defenseless. He told me he cried for hours every night for two weeks after that.

My throat closes up just thinking of that story. I didn't cry but I couldn't say anything. To be honest, it only made me more depressed. Eddie told me about his life and his club and even about his personal interests. We talked about our sex lives and our dating life too, and we felt comfortable with each other. He's really special to me, and it's incredible we clicked so much. He perfect.

I've never found anyone to be perfect, at all. Being an observent person comes with studying. I know almost everything about Eddie. His mannerisms, his favorite food, and even all his tattoos. I guess you could say Eddie and I were like kindred spirits, or something. I'm not one to be smart or some shit like that, but I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him.
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