A small glimmer of hope

Chapter 2 (welcome to school!)

(Dazai pov)

As I finally approached school, it was a little after seven. When I finally got to the campus, I walked in hanging my head trying "hide" myself. After a bit of walking I approach my locker- as usual a group of four- 3 girls and one guy- we're next to it waiting for me. ' oh, I just wish I could disappear.' I thought to myself as I continued to walk towards the group. " excuse me." I said to the group as I wanted to get into my locker.
"ExCuSe Me" a girl named Yuan mocked. Another girl then followed " yeah, why would we let you pass us? You don't even deserve to be here."
This girl name was Akari. ' yeah, yeah, I know- you guys never shut up about me not belonging or deserving to be here.' I thought, rolling my eyes in my head. "Tch" the guy known as Buichirō then said " come on now. Don't cry on us."

Slowly, but surely, my blood started to boil. I knew for a fact I couldn't cause a scene. My father would kill me if I got into trouble. So I just stood there taking insult after insult- like usual.

This was a daily thing, there was nothing I could do to change it.
I mean, even if I tried. They just kept badgering me about how I was never gonna be good enough or how I was never smart enough to be here. How I didn't belong there and was just a burden.

I've known them since middle school. I don't quite understand why they say all of the stuff about me when they don't know about my grades or even know me. But after hearing the same words over and over again for several years- i'm starting to believe it.

I get frustrated to the point where I lose control of my actions. I shove Buichiro off of my locker and open the door to take my stuff out. Once they recover from their initial shock. Yuan grabs my hair and pulls me back, staring at me on the floor.

" who the hell do you think you are?!
You can't do that no- I won't allow you to do that. " with that she starts kicking me, leaving me battered in bruise. Before she goes and helps Buichirō making sure he's okay. As they leave, they all give me this disgusted look- like I'm some sort of germ.

'why did I have to do that? At least now I know what will happen if I retaliate. Sadly although I probably look horrible, I don't feel a thing. *sigh* I better go get cleaned up.' With that I head to the bathroom as if nothing happened.

' sigh, great I thought I look like shit before but look at me now.' I say, as I arrived at the sink, looking into the mirror. I turn on the faucet and feel as the cold water rushes on my hands. I put my hands in a bowl like shape as it fills up with water. I then put my hands to my face to wash it. After I finish, washing the dirt, blood, and grime I grab a couple paper towels and dry off my face. ' I wonder if this will be a reoccurring thing now? There all such idiots *sigh* not like I'm any better.'
'come on try it! Try killing yourself no one will even care. You can end it all right here right now!' He says as he laughs like a madman. 'Stop! Get out of my head!' I say/think with clear desperation as I pull out my razor and unravel the bandages on my left arm. I cut several times until the voice stops. '*Sigh* this voice here has just started to speak(?) i guess...There always there- when I'm at my lowest, and try to tear me down when I'm at my highest. Which is really never- but that doesn't matter.' I say as I snap of my thoughts. I look down to see at least 10-20 cuts on my arm and blood running down it.

   I run it under the water until all the blood it gone and rewrap it with its original bandage.

With that I left the bathroom heading back to my locker to get the books I never got the chance to grab. Then off to class I went.