decode|| Felix Catton

9

sabrina's pov
i've been avoiding them these past few weeks. felix keeps trying. sending flowers. letters. i can't sleep. set an alarm for my dorm now too. not only am i having nightmares of oliver but the other men too. felix still hangs out with oliver and that just makes everything hurt more. he either watched the tape and didn't care or never bothered watching it. i've been drinking more than ever to have sleep and peace. pills to keep the dreams away. never thought it'd come to this.

even through all of this...i miss felix. so much. i sit at the bar finishing my shift despite the fact im a multi billionaire now. josh says "please welcome Sabrina meyers" on stage and i take my apron off and grab the guitar as its performance night and i start

you're good at the falling
not the staying there
you're the good at the giving too much
then getting scared
you're good at impersonating
someone who cares
and you had me for a minute there
but now i wonder why
i let your confusion keep me up at night
im so tired
reread every single undertone and i
over analyzed it,
front back and beside it
where else can we go?
there's nothing left here
for you to decode
done looking for signs in
the gaps and the silence
it's just getting old
there's nothing left here to decode
mmm
there's a weight off my shoulders
now that i don't chase you
being myself did it emasculate you?
learning from you
that i can walk way too
and you had me for a minute too
but now i
wonder why
i let your indecision
keep me up at night
i'm so tired
unpacked every word you wrote and i
overanalyzed it
front back and beside it
where else can we go?
there's nothing left here to decode
done looking for signs in
the gaps and the silence
it's just getting old
there's nothing left here to decode
mmm there's nothing left to decode
mmm now i wonder why
i let your confusion keep me up at night
i'm so tired
reread every single undertone and i
over analyzed it
front back and beside it
where else can i go
there's nothing left to decode
done looking for signs in
the gaps and the silence
it's just getting old
there's nothing left to decode
there's nothing there's nothing

i finish and they clap and i put the guitar down seeing him staring with sad eyes. i say "thank you" leaving and i hear him "Sab! Sab please wait!" i sigh and stop "what felix?" looking at him. oliver followed him and i shake my head "i can't do this anymore" he says and adds "i need you" "i can't be with you felix. especially while you continue to hang out with my assaulter and ignore every warning i've given about him and all his red flags. i can't do it anymore" i say. he says "he told me he was drunk and did it and he actually wants to apologize" i scoff "he was not drunk felix! i don't give a shit for his apology. the fact that he's admitted it to you and you don't care because he said he's drunk is fucking sick! you're both fucking sick. you really deserve one another in that sense huh?" he grabs my hand and i tear away from him "don't touch me."

"i need you sab. i heard your song and it's the first thing i've heard from you in a while. look at us baby! were falling apart without one another! i love you" he says stroking my face and i move away "not enough to rid of him. not enough to believe me! truly believe me! i gave you that fucking tape and i can bet you haven't even watched it! you're fine without me felix! you have your new shiny toy! go ruin him for all i care" he says "oliver is just a friend. i" i say "what about me and what i want felix?! huh?! i'm trying to heal. move on. i can't do that with you here flaunting your hangouts with the man that assaulted me in my dorm room! just leave me alone felix! please!"

he asks "do you not love me anymore" "of course i love you felix! i just can't do this anymore" motioning to what were doing more importantly to oliver. "you love me. and i love you. that should be enough to get through this" he says. i say "i thought the same way. i really did felix. but here you are hanging out with the guy who assaulted me. i can't just let that go because he's your friend! you don't even care. you don't. and i can't sit and fight and make you do so either and i shouldn't have to." he strokes the tear away that falls sweetly letting his own fall "this doesn't have to be the end. not for us" "but it is" i tell him wiping his. and he kisses me softly "i don't want it to be. i love you" i kiss him and say "i love you too but i can't be with you...not now" he nods letting me go sniffling "one day" i nod "one day" and i leave him pain in my chest and tears streaming down my face"