Philophobia - Thorin Oakenshield - English version

Part 9

Erebor felt cold and desolate since Terwyn left. Frerin had been locked in a small room for a fortnight where only Thrain and Thror were allowed to visit him or guards brought him food. Thorin and Dis were not allowed into his quarters on the pretext that he would try to talk his sibling into helping him.

As if Thorin did not suffer enough from the realisation that he had been unable to defend young Terwyn, he now felt doubly bad with Frerin also living in captivity in his own home.

'Father, please be reasonable. Frerin loves Terwyn. If he wishes to be with her let him go. I am here, am I not? Surely you have a successor, surely Thror can be sure that Durin's line remains safe and sound in this realm.' Spoke Thorin at breakfast.

Thrain sighed and offered no reply.

'Father, he is my brother!' Hummed Thorin and slammed his fist on the table.

'Your brother urgently needs to learn his place and you yours! If you had let Terwyn leave the night we banished her none of this would have been necessary.' Thrain hissed back.

Thorin bit his teeth to keep from jumping upright and knocking over the table.

'I will do anything you demand of me, anything! Let Frerin go his own way, you have enough of one successor and you know it and if you are so afraid that one day I will fail you let Terwyn return and Frerin will do anything you want.' Thorin tried to strike a deal in as calm a manner as possible.

Thrain, however, laughed.

'Oh Thorin, you are young, naive. One day you will understand why your grandfather and I have to make such hard choices. One day you will be king and hopefully by then you will have a wife by your side and some children who will make every choice you make ten times harder.' Spoke he.

Thorin shook his head and got up to go back to training. He shuddered at the idea that one day he would have to choose a wife or worse that his father and grandfather would choose a wife for him after which he would have to continue the line of Durin. As if there wasn't enough pressure on his shoulders already. As if he would ever have time for love and create a happy family. He couldn't even protect Terwyn, one of the few women he cared about was sent away and he didn't try to stop it.

With quick steps, he walked into the training hall.

This routine he had been following for days, going to breakfast as early as possible to avoid as many others as possible, he could no longer see the sad looks of Dis, he detested the cheerful way his grandfather walked through this realm and he hated the expectant and compassionate looks of some of the bodyguards.

After breakfast, he made his way to the training hall where he exhausted himself in every possible way; archery, sword fighting, axe throwing and running power courses himself. He threw himself completely into these things so that he did not have to think about his poor brother who was locked up and consumed by heartbreak.

But most of all, that way he didn't have to think about sweet Terwyn, the girl with the warm brown-red hair and soft grey eyes who was all alone in the Iron Hills and might have married Dain by now.

Maybe Thrain was right, maybe Terwyn was cursed. Thorin had always had a soft spot for the dwarven girl. Ever since she arrived here as a child, he had taken her under his wing. She had become more than his little sister or best friend in all these years. She was his confidant. The only person in all of Erebor who knew how scared Thorin was of failing. As children, Terwyn was the only one Thorin could sometimes talk to about his mother and how he missed her, Terwyn understood him but would never reveal what he told anyone.

When he got older and got completely upset by Thror and Thrain's high expectations, Terwyn was the one who helped him calm down and fled Erebor with him to unwind.

Terwyn understood his fear of failure, she saw his pain, fear and sadness and only when he was with her did he dare to vent his heart and let it all out. With her, he did not have to constantly think about rules and etiquette, with her it did not matter how he dressed, how he spoke or how well he could fight. With Terwyn, Thorin had always been able to remain himself.

Terwyn may have had feelings for Frerin and Frerin for her. His brother was not the only one suffering from the parting.

A pained scream left Thorin's mouth when he hit a sandbag with his bare fists for the umpteenth time that day. His knuckles already completely cracked open and red with blood.

When he sank to his knees wearily, he felt his body trembling, unexpectedly a sob escaped his lips.

Startled and with bated breath, Thorin brought his hands to his cheeks, when he felt the warm tears touch his fingertips he quickly hid his face in his palms. Afraid that someone would see them, he quickly tried to pull himself back together and took a deep breath before drying his tears.

Just when he wanted to stand up he felt someone place a hand on his shoulder.

Startled, he jumped upright and looked back. To his surprise, it was Dis who had come to stand behind him. 'It's ok, it's just me.' She murmured softly.

Dis had been suffering in silence since Terwyn's departure, Thorin saw how at times she seemed lost in the corridors of the mountain, but she would never complain. It was as if she saw this as her moment to stay strong while both her brothers seemed to lose themselves in their frustration and grief.

'Frerin is back.' Spoke Dis suddenly softly after which Thorin looked at her in confusion until he also saw Frerin walking into the hall, causing the prince to walk towards his younger brother with quick strides and take him in his arms.

For the first time in all these years, some tears escaped the prince as he clasped both his younger sister, and brother in his arms and a sense of pride overwhelmed him as he held both of them tightly and they too clung to him as if he was their rock.

'I'm sorry.' Prevaricated Thorin, but Frerin shook his head and rested his forehead against his brother's.

'It's ok. Everything will be fine, we'll find a way to get her back, with time.' Whispered Frerin, making Thorin nod and playfully run his hands through Frerin's hair in an attempt to create a lighter mood.

The princes were therefore thrilled when, a few weeks later, they received an invitation from King Gror himself to come to the Iron Hills.