Legacies || Lorenzo Berkshire

Drunk

Ripped jeans and a cup that you just downed

▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||။‌‌‌‌‌၊|• 0:44

Wish You Were Sober • Conan Gray

Lorenzo Berkshire

Everyone was shrouded and enwrapped in conversation. My mind drifting off elsewhere. As I came to my senses I saw blue eyes staring at mine.

'You okay?' she mouthed and I gave her a light smile. I guess Evangeline took that as a sign that I was fine.

I mean, I wanted to be. But I just can't somehow.

I was rubbing the metal ring on my hand against my finger, feeling the cold metal tingle into heat with the friction.

I'd gone completely aghast. I hated vacation. Because it meant I didn't know where I belong.

I didn't know if I should be in the Lestrange manor, home of my mother's legal husband. If I should be in the Black manor, home of my monstrous mother. In the Berkshire manor, with the man who never once called me his son or barely sees me. Or if I should be in the Malfoy manor with Narcissa and Draco.

If family meant confusion, I certainly didn't want it.

No place to belong to. No place to call home. No one to call mother. No one to call father. No one to love. 

I wonder, if I play eenie meanie miny moe on all of them, would I be able to answer the question?

Who is my mother? eenie meanie miny moe! 

Who is my father? eenie meanie miny moe!

I was pulled off my train of thoughts as Draco nudged me, saying goodbye to the girls and leading them to the door.

I was out of it all night. And likely, the semantics ended for the day.

The girls were heading out and after a few seconds, I decided to go out as well. I followed the girls over to their dorms. 

They drank a little, and 2 sober girls weren't nearly enough to manage them all.

I waited in the corridor as they fumbled with their keys, the shadows doing well enough to conceal me, the rest was the alcohol kicking in. As I saw them all get in, my feet moved and continued down the hall looking for Daphne's dorm.

I knocked on her door. There was no answer. 

I knocked on her door, yet again. And still, there was no answer.

I held my hand out to the knob only to find it unlocked.

I let out a sigh. "Daphne, I'm coming in."

I was surprised by the scene unfolding in front of me. There she was, Daphne Greengrass, my supposedly 'girlfriend.' She was kissing her friend. Her female friend. She gasped as she saw me in the doorway. 

She stood up, walking towards where I am, stumbling a bit every now and then.

"Lorenzo~~" she walked over to me. Tipsy.

I pushed her back, smelling the fire whiskey's scent lingering on her.

I didn't like her. And she didn't like me. She liked the idea of me.

Because to everyone, that was somehow all I was. A trophe.

She liked showing me off. Her parents greatly praised her for it.

But she was scared. Scared of me. Scared of my mother. Scared of her own mother. Scared of herself.

She thought of me as an illusion she could provide her family, that she liked men. That she wasn't 'weird' or 'unusual.' That she SHOULD be loved like how they loved her younger sister.

As for me?

She was an escape. My mother who fashioned dark curly hair and dark eyes. Those were combatted by her. Green eyes, blonde hair. She was the opposite of my mother.

In other words, we were using each other.

"Lorenzo... I love you." she muttered.

"Shut up, Daphne. You're drunk." I pushed her on her bed and sighed.

If someone's going to tell me they love me, shouldn't they at least be sober? Don't I at least deserve an amount of sincerity.

"Daphne, we're over. Whatever this is, it's over." she kneeled down crying.

I couldn't. I can't. I never will. I refuse to.

I refuse to keep using her and allowing her to use me. We both deserve love, we both know we won't gain that from each other. Better a break up now than a heartbreak later.

"No, no, no..." she whispered, shaking her head. "Mother, she... she'll get angry again."

"I'm sorry, Daphne." she looked me in the eye.

"Am I not enough?" she asked, tears streaming down her eyes. I didn't answer. She closed her eyes and inhaled before nodding and plopping herself down on her bed.

"You know that's not true, it's just that whatever this is, it's not real." I try to console her as I sat on the edge of her bed.

"But it's the only way I'll get their approval." she looked at me before looking down.

Approval. Praise. Honor. Worth. 

You'd think Slytherins were stuck up selfish jerks. But we truly only yearn for love. We aren't evil. And if we are, evil is born. It's made.

"Go." I didn't answer.

"You don't have to feel guilty that our parents are fucked up you know. But if you fuck your life up, you'll be guilty." she smiled.

I didn't want to be this way. But it just was. Life was often times like that. A bitch. Life didn't need an explanation, whatever she wanted was it. It just was.

You'd think it would be Mattheo who took his parents the worst. Being the son of the Dark Lord. But he's come to terms with that, especially since it didn't really bother him. He was strong.

Draco, he has Narcissa. And Theodore? At least he was loved as a child. Blaise may have had an absent mother most of the time, but she cared.

Me? I had no one.

I'm not invalidating their feelings. Or, at least I think I'm not.

I sigh and grab the bottle of fire whiskey by Daphne's side table. The girl she was making out with fast asleep on the floor.

I left her dorm but her words never left my mind.

"Am I not enough?"

I knew. I knew it was directed at her. But I couldn't help but feel like it was shot at me.

I was crazy. Maybe, it ran in the family. Maybe heartlessness does too. Mother did cheat on Rodolpho Lestrange with my father. Maybe, it was just in my blood.

Because how could I just throw away a girl who was depending on me so easily?

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the drowsiness. But it definitely was false courage. Liquid courage maybe. 

Goodness, sober Enzo is a Slytherin, but drunk Enzo deserves to be in Gryffindor at this point.

I sat down in the common room. Closing my eyes and dozing off for a bit. And before I even knew, I was betrayed too, by my own body. Silent tears escaping my eyes.

I refused to let the world know that I knew. That I felt it. That I saw it.

So I kept my eyes closed, drowning in my own sorrow.