Vita Mia: My life
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She has never wanted to take any part in the mafia world that her abusive and manipulative parents control. All she wants is to be free of them. All she wants is to be free of her trauma th...
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"I never craved attention until I tasted yours"
Arabella Karve You think after twenty years you would get used to being alone. Not just physically alone, but that ache of complete loneliness that sits in the depth of your soul. That deafening feeling that no one cares about you that slowly eats you away.
I have been alone my entire life. Except for the few years where Tara was hired as a nurse for our 'business' and we immediately became best friends. And after I lost her, I think I lost a part of myself.
After she was gone and I murdered Dominik, I physically couldn't feel anything. Everything was numb. Life was a lonely repetitive nightmare of nothingness. Then I met Eros.
I was suddenly washed over with feelings of hate and anger. Which was still somehow better than feeling nothing. We slowly began to understand each other. When he is around I feel like that part of me that I lost is somehow back.
But now he's gone, and now he hates me.
"My heart hearts" I whisper to Montague with a broken voice as a small tear rolls down my cheek. I gently run my pale fingers down Montages black fur as he purrs peacefully.
It seems to be the same cycle. The second I love someone, I loose them. At this fucking point I'm cursed.
It's been three days since I snuck out to go with Dimitri. I haven't talked to anyone in three days. I haven't talked to him in three days.
I've barely left me room, I've barely even moved from my bed. Everything hurts, my heart feels heavy, and I still feel gross no matter how many times I've washed my skin.
My phone chimes from beside me for the millionth time and I reluctantly turn it over. I squint my eyes because of the bright screen while looking over the text.
Dimitri: Arabella please respond. I know I messed up the other night, and I am truly sorry. We both had too much to drink. I thought that you were feeling the same way I felt. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Thursday-6:23pm
I look over the other seventeen messages he sent me, but I can't bring myself to respond. I am fucking pathetic.
I slowly sit up and dizziness immediately washes over me. I blink rapidly, trying to ignore the intensity of the nausea.
"Shit" I mumble realizing that I haven't eaten all day. I don't want to leave my bedroom.
I carefully step out of my bedroom, and try to ignore how lightheaded I feel as I make my way down to the kitchen.
