Hard As It Is

Chapter 14

Jahmir

"Shit, that hurts," Amir groans reaching for my hand as I try to pull the bullet out his leg with my tweezers.  "Sorry," I tell him shakily trying to be gentler.

The face of Dimitri popping into my mind as I pause before continuing.   "You good?" Amir questions me hissing as I finally remove the bullet.   "Yeah," I tell him trying to cut the conversation, not wanting to talk about the situation any longer.

I barely wanted to think about it happening, but I couldn't stop because it did.

Shaq and Quez hadn't made it over yet either.

"Was that your uncle? You kept saying Unc," he asks. I nod my head slightly my mind couldn't process why Dimitri would try to kill me, and what had he meant one down two remained? 

"You did what you had to do Pa, so don't blame yourself too much okay?" He tells me, and I paused on bandaging his wound staring up at him.

"I know but how come I feel so guilty? How come I can't help but feel like I'm at fault for all the shit that happened and is happening now?"

I tell him honestly continuing to wrap the white bandage around his leg.  "We both read the same thing in that envelope, from the drug I created, to everything that happened after, wasn't it my fault?"

My voice is shaking, as I try to control my emotions swallowing my growing saliva. Trying to choke back a sob.

"You have to stop feeling guilty for other people's actions Jahmir. That's your problem right there, and that problem is you take the fault of everyone else's wrong doing on your shoulders. Nigga you have to stop that shit," He tells me as I put the items back into the first aid kit. 

I shake my head at him trying to deny the claims. He just didn't understand, when August found out I was creating my own drugs, that nigga acknowledge me, and from that point on I was in his shadows helping him to succeed, but now I'm finding out that half the shit that went on was my fault it's fucking with me.

"Don't shake your head no at me Jahmir, especially when you know a nigga telling no lies," Amir says peeping into my thoughts as he puts his hand over mine closing the kit.

"Mir-

"Detach yourself from the shit that happened with some greedy ass niggas that wanted power," Amir tells me taking his hand off of mine putting his hand on his thigh.

"Would you say the same thing if you would've succeeded in your plan?" I question him from the irony of his statement.

"Yes and No." He tells me honestly his eyes looked hazel under the dim light. I look at him for more detail in his answer and he gives a small smirk, "You're too trusting for your own good. You get attach to people so easily Pa, and that right there is dangerous."

I couldn't argue with that, it was true.

Understand that you are in a gang my nigga, and you are the leader, you can't open your arms to every nigga that flashes you a smile."  Amir plays with the bandages around his ankle.

"So basically, you're telling me not to trust snakes with smiles, so in general niggas like you," I mock the irony in his statement once more and he looks at me as though he's trying to see something.

Drawing his over his lips; he shrugs his shoulders, as he pours salt on the already open wound by saying, " I'm not the nigga you just had to put to bullets in his chest, but take it how you want to.  Understand this though nigga a wolf in sheep's clothing isn't always someone you don't know, honestly its more painful when that someone is the one you least expect. "