Hard As It Is

Chapter 16

Amir

It just doesn't make any sense! Every time something bad happens, he automatically faults himself and that causes him to close himself off. What he said back in that hospital, it not only hurt me, but it pissed me off also. We had just had a heart-to-heart, and he knows why I want to help him, for him, Soul, and myself. I mean weren't we supposed to be sticking together? Damn! I hate that I care this much, and I hate that I involved myself in this warped shit. I should've just stayed in my lane, did my shit with my gang! I press on my brakes, stopping at a red light before sighing.

Would we be going through this if I hadn't gotten involved with him? I'm not blaming him for anything, more so myself, if I had just let go of my hatred and greed, would Marcello still be alive now? I watch the light change to green, pulling off.

None of this is neither our fault, what happened in the past, or what's happening now. I wish I could make him understand, but I don't know how to. I bite my lip, thinking about how he must be stuck in his head about now, drowning in his thoughts. I know he's scared like a puppy, but why doesn't he want me to shield him? Why does he believe he has to protect everyone around him, and no one can do the same for him?

I turn into the trap's parking lot, getting out of the car, and slamming the door. I walk up the steps seeing Lorenzo drinking a soda when I step into the house. "Why the fuck are you still here?" I walk past him, not in the mood to hear his answer, his presence irking me.

"I'm laying low, and the best place to lay low is at your trap." He calmly says twirling his spoon in whatever he is drinking. "Go lay low at your trap, I don't feel like dealing with you King anymore," I sneer at him and he looks up at me from his cup. A small smirk replaced the stone look. "Is it trouble in paradise already the day hasn't even ended yet. Although these days the days seem to last forever when you live in nightmares," He tells me before placing his cup down on the counter.

"Look at you a smooth Mob, tried to play a King and winded up falling in love yourself. Walking around looking like a mini Donsilo, with the feelings of a Maverick," He tells me before his eyes narrow and I scoff glaring at him. "In love? Nigga I'm not in love with anybody, and stop talking like you know me 'cause you don't," I tell him before turning my body towards him. Me in love and I know he's not referring to Jahmir, as that'll never happen!

Lorenzo chuckles stroking his goatee as he closes his eyes before reopening them, "But I do know you, and even if I don't I got a hint of what you are, and who you are. This is the result of you being your Uncle's nephew, that righteousness, that wall around you that you built not to keep people out but to lock them in, and I know you wanna lock Jet and Soul in even if you try to deny it."

This nigga done lost his mind wonder what he's sipping on? He is on the planet of delusion right now. I don't have a wall built around me, and I'm not trying to lock anyone in it. "You need to chill off the drugs old nigga, and whatever you sipping on got you spiraling nonsense, I could care less about what happens with Jahmir now, since he pushed me away even after I tried with him. I'm not perfect I got my flaws, but if you wanna read someone, read that nigga and tell me why he's so difficult? Tell me why he takes two steps forward and then fifty steps backward!"

I feel myself growing heated watching his smile still plastered on his fuck face grow. "Why dont you ask him? Have you ever tried asking him, why he is pushing you away, especially after ya'll tongue dance earlier? In fact, why are you here now, that tells me you just accepted that he pushed you away even though you already know how he is." He asks me his smile dropping as his voice turns serious and his eyes narrow.

I'm speechless at him trying to turn it around on me even if he doesn't know what happened it's like he was there. Like he already knew what happened. "Tell me what am I supposed to do then if a nigga don't want me to be there, am I suppose to beg him to allow me to-