Dancing To Your Tune

Why Always Me?

Why?

Akk hoped someone could answer it for him. Why always him? Why does it always has to be him? He sounds pathetic, wallowing in self pity like always but what else could he do. Damien was acting strange. No, that was putting it mildly. Damien was being creepy and it was terrifying him. What else could go wrong in his life? When he met Damien on one of those chat forums for bdsm lifestyle. He wasn't hoping to find a partner, he just wanted to satiate his curiosity and maybe get to know himself better. The conversation between Damien and him had started very innocently and Damien had done his best to answer his never ending questions. Akk had his reservation at the beginning, he didn't do well with people anyway and strangers were always worst.

Damien broke through his walls like a sledgehammer through glass. Maybe he was just weak, a love starved boy desperate for any sort of intimacy. He had been cautious about not sharing any personal information especially his pictures. Damien talked a lot about his personal life and that eased Akk into talking about his own life and problems. Before he knew he had already regaled about his childhood and adolescent time, how he never felt truly loved at home, how he had no friends to rely on, how he was finally following his heart by quitting his job and starting as a webtoon producer.

He still remembers when they did a scene together for the first time. Akk had been a nervous mess, doubting everything and being self conscious of every action. Damien had quickly zeroed on that and made it as comfortable as possible. He hadn't jumped straight into the hardcore stuff instead eased Akk in gently. Negotiation of every possible soft and hard kink had been done. Damien had patiently explained anything Akk didn't understand, even when Akk felt stupid for asking so many questions. It had been challenging to do a scene without meeting each other. Damien had understood Akk's apprehension for not meeting in real life.

Maybe Akk should have questioned it. Why was a stranger being so nice? Maybe he should've been a little cynical, but that has never been his nature. Dissecting every conversation to pick out suspicious thoughts was a cumbersome task and Akk didn't like dwelling on negative aspects, except when it was about himself. He liked to think people could be nice without any ulterior motive, if not how was he ever supposed to make friends and fall in love? Damien made it all seem easy, meeting a stranger and making a friend. Granted they weren't normal friends but the bond between them felt a bit special to be termed as crass as friends with benefits. Damien never treated Akk like a toy or just someone to get off with. He treated him like a person, someone with thoughts and feelings. It wasn't always about their dom-sub dynamic, most of the time they talked like old friends.

He had never thought it could come to this. Damien had never shown any indication of liking him. He even talked about his crush on this guy at his work. Where did this all even come from? He had been supportive about him liking Ayan. Shouldn't he have said something back then if he actually liked Akk? What was Damien even trying to do? Why was he being like this? He even know about Akk's engagement. Shouldn't he already back off? Akk was pacing around his living room in absolute fear. Should he meet Damien? What if he hurt Akk? He wouldn't, right? Maybe he was just worked up on phone? Akk had already shown his face to Damien. They had video called many times so it's not like Damien couldn't recognize him. If he really wanted he could even find Akk's house. Akk had once told him the area he lived him though not the complete address.

Most importantly, Damien knew which company Akk worked for. How could have he been so stupid to let that information slip by? Akk grabbed his hair in pure frustration. Why was he even in this mess? As if he didn't already have enough problems to deal with. He glanced at his phone, it was a message from Gulf. Oh right, they were supposed to meet. Oh god, why were these people set on ruining his life? He grabbed his phone and car keys and left to deal with one of many problematic men in his life. He was going to get this over with today. He reached the said location and saw Gulf sitting inside the cafe. He took a deep breath and headed inside.

Gulf nodded in greeting and they placed the order for coffee. Akk gathered his courage to say his point. He was going to reject this marriage. He didn't want to get married, not to Gulf or anyone else for now. He had given in one too many times when it came to his family. He couldn't compromise on this. He had thought maybe he could, maybe he could do this for his family, he could be a good son but not anymore. That call with Damien made him realize something. People walked over him all the time. He was partially to blame because he allowed them to. Why should he always be the one sacrificing everything? Why was it always about others and not him? Why should it always be him being considerate and yet not receive even a thank you in return? When have his parents said a single good thing to him? So how long must he be the considerate son? Akk decided he had paid them back for raising him, he couldn't keep paying the price for that his entire life.

"I'm rejecting this marriage."

Akk stared in bewilderment because it wasn't him who had said it. "What?"

Gulf sighed, "I don't want to marry you."

Akk rolled his eyes, "Don't make it sound like I want to. Why this sudden change of heart?"

"I like someone else."

"You?" Akk said in disbelief.

"Hey, don't sound so astonished."

"Do playboys also fall in love?"

"I'm not a playboy."

"Yeah, could've fooled me." Akk said.

"I'll have talk with my parents this weekend and tell them this wedding is off."

Akk felt confused, "O.....Okay. So it'll be over?"

"Not that easily, I'm sure. They will throw a fuss but I'm thinking of running away."

"What!"

Gulf looked away, "My parents threatened to cut me out of the will if I didn't marry you."

"Oh."

"Yeah, I know I have been a jerk to you but-"

"You do?" Akk asked sarcastically.

"Hey, I'm apologizing here."

"I haven't actually heard a apology yet. You're just telling your side."

"Okay, fine. I'm sorry, Akk. I treated you really terribly and I shouldn't have done that. You didn't deserve it."

"I accept your apology. This situation wasn't our fault to begin with."

"I'll make sure my parents get the message clearly. If you want you can tell your parents I was the one to call it off. I don't mind."

Akk smiled, "It's okay. Thanks for doing this. I'll deal with my parents."

Gulf stood up, "I hope you well, Akk."

They walked out of the cafe and shool hands as departing gesture, Akk said, "Me too. I wish we had met under different circumstances."