Behind The Scenes ༻ Park Jisung

༻ 51

that must be so confusing for a little girl
and i know you're going to need me here with you
but i'm losing myself, and i'm afraid you're gonna lose me too

༻

jaemin

i doubt aster really meant what she said
you guys will be okay 💘💞💖
where ru right now?

at my parents house

okay well i hope you enjoy your stay there and it can clear your mind :)
if you need more space you can always come to the dorm and i'll tell the boys not to bother you

thanks jaemin
i really appreciate it

of course 🥰
03:39

Aruna knew it was absurd to visit her family after what went down with Aster but her parents were the only people who didn't care. They didn't want to know what happened and why she was so upset, immediately letting her go to her room once she arrived at the house.

It was typical but it worked.

Laying down on the purple bed that was covered by the universe sheets she owned, Aruna closed her eyes and let herself breathe properly. It had been a while since she was able to do that, the oxygen she usually kept to herself taken up by toxic gasses.

She gnawed on her lip, waiting for the anxiety to bubble up in her chest but the lack of emotion ended up making her even more anxious.

Her heart was racing faster than the vehicles passing by, a part of her wishing she was in one of those getaway cars where the ride didn't matter. As long as she reached the destination.

The clamminess of her hands that subconsciously gripped onto her sheets made her feel disgusted. It was too hot in the room she slept in as a child.

Everything seemed smaller and it just reminded her again that she was not just a kid. She was bigger than that, growing too fast to keep the bed a perfect fit for her body. And that sent her into more of a frenzy.

Deep breaths

It was a relentless cycle, familiar yet suffocating. Aruna found herself retreating from her troubles, only to collide with the invisible barrier of her own making, disappearing into the void of nothingness. Overwhelm herself with problems until she couldn't take it anymore.

Eventually it led to a state of panic that coursed through her veins, replacing the need for nutrients. A drug of insecurities eating her alive.

The last time Aruna went through a panic attack, Jisung had been there. Well- he still was here, the messages on her phone sounding off after an alarming text she sent him. He was probably freaking out over what she meant by missing him.

And as much as Aruna appreciated his concern, she was new to it. How could she assure him of her well-being when she herself was lost in the labyrinth of her own mind?

Time would pass and he would get mad at her for being a ghost. Jisung would realize how much of a weak and pathetic girlfriend Aruna was for wanting to disappear at every inconvenient moment.

But she couldn't just reappear in front of him because he would get scared. Jisung would fear her voice, the vulgar thoughts that killed her.

No
Stop
Stop it please

Jisung wasn't a bad man to want to leave her.

Shut up
He won't leave me...I know he won't