FAUX LOVE

☆[23]☆

Thank you Tash for my first ever tip. (Twt: @purplebloom309)Lots of love to you. 🥰

~20240220

Taehyung was curled up, holding onto his knees tightly while staring into emptiness, consumed by his thoughts.

His mental state was tumultuous, besieged by a plethora of pessimistic thoughts. Never before had he experienced such disarray.

Taehyung did not feel a sense of loneliness solely due to his mother's passing, despite this event being the catalyst for such emotions. Various factors associated with this bereavement also played a role in shaping his subsequent actions.

Upon losing his mother, he felt directionless.

Without his father's support and guidance, he struggled to understand and cope with the permanent void left in his heart. Overwhelmed by a sense of resignation, he found solace in isolation, opting to shield himself from the weight of his emotions. It felt natural; like this was how his life was supposed to be.

Being alone is not something that came to stay with the loss. It was a deliberate practice he religiously followed to navigate his situation. Occasionally, he felt the urge to express his emotions, be it sadness or joy, by his mother's grave, but he intentionally buried them inside, gradually numbing his feelings over time.

His emotional detachment extended to a chilling demeanor that repelled even the faintest hint of warmth.

Loneliness and emotional detachment were not something he WANTED, it was something he NEEDED.

If he WANTED them, then it would be just as easy for him to not want them because, at the end of the day, it's his choice. But he built the wall around him because he needed to breathe. He wanted to normalize being alone so much that he wouldn't feel the pain every time he thought about how he lost his parents. And that was only possible if he turned numb.

Taehyung allowed himself to lower his emotional barriers and embrace the feeling of warmth from Jungkook, but he found himself overwhelmed by conflicting emotions in his mind and heart.

He longs to feel the freedom of the walls coming down but the familiarity of suffocation has made fresh air feel poisonous. It's not just a routine for Taehyung to be the way he is, it's a deeply ingrained habit that's hard to break.

Changes in routines can be managed, but altering habits can disrupt your entire schedule and lead to questioning many aspects of life. And that's what exactly happened with him.

Despite coming to terms with his life journey, Taehyung got scared of the little warmth he encountered.

Wasn't he always supposed to be alone, sad, and grieving the loss, considering how it was the base of how he built his life that he stood on right now? Then how can he turn away from the same life just because he felt some comfort?