If I was Yours

Chapter 34: This time

Sitting on the end of the corner was Hiccup Haddock. The one my heart never forgot. As much as I wanted to be with him at that time I knew it wasn't the right and I knew he was just confused because 4 years later he is still writing songs about his and Merida's break up.

For the same reason I cannot trust anything my friend says about him missing me. Truthfully, I always had visions of him purposely avoiding me because he feels awkward that he kissed me then just going back on his words. Some of the thoughts running to my mind was what if he doesn't feel awkward but afraid.. because he'll get exposed that he kissed me and he thinks I will ruin his and Merida's new relationship.

I never had thoughts of ruining another's relationship. Do I feel bad that they broke up and I kissed her boyfriend knowing well that he might've been confused and not even genuine about his actions and words? Yes. And not a moment at that time did I not feel regret and guilt build up inside of me, it won't go away after all these years.

I know it is hard for him and Merida, after breaking up like that. Everything that happened, the cause of the breakup.. everything the people knew. They were still low-key at that time and I can't believe that after all of those public gatherings and interactions with tons of people none still knew about them dating. It only came out after the "video" was posted, the same one that ruined Merida.

He made a press conference, he appointed one clearing everything about him and Merida. He fully ruined her when he admitted himself that his girlfriend of 1 year cheated on him by sleeping with another man. He said he couldn't forgive her for breaking his trust, but after some thinking I think he reconsidered everything. After all, he realized he still loved her.

Earlier when I entered the room, I expected him to be one of the first few that would greet me at the door, the one that would jump to hug me tight, the hug so long everyone would start to question if we just knew each other, if we're just friends or more?

Of course none of those are true. Because one, We are not lovers. Two, we are totally not friends. Lastly, we don't even know each other because I felt like we were strangers and only strangers.

We knew each other but soon forgot about one another's existence. At least for him. I held on to his words even though I kept seeing the signs he's going back to Merida. How foolish of me, I know. Loving is hard, it can hurt sometimes. At the end of the day, Love is what hurts one the most but it's the most worth it thing I have ever experienced.

But then, I felt myself burning inside as I saw a sexy girl approaching him. Once she was close enough, she touched his shoulder down to his hand and held it like some pr*stitute. Is this how disgusting they are willing just to be with him? I roll my eyes as I try to move my attention somewhere else. Heather was busy "catching up" with Fishlegs and I don't know about Ruff and Snot but they're using their time wisely on each other.

Soon I find myself hopeless, I looked stupid and alone. I tried my best to look for things to do yet I'm helpless. I looked around but failed miserably when I saw myself looking at old "friends". Jack was looking at me and Punzie as well.

I can't believe they're giving me so much attention when their leader is there flirting with another woman while Merida probably have no clue! I don't care either way. As long as I'm not involved I won't do anything stupid to get myself involved.

I just looked around but my head seems to be going against my own will because every 5 seconds I look away, my view always comes back to Hiccup. We made eye contact once in a while and I immediately look away but I never seem to learn my lesson because what felt like an eternity of making eye contact almost every minute became an embarrassment so much that my whole face turned red.