Water Under The Bridge • Gracie Abrams

04 One last shot

04 one last shot

I stayed quiet, the gears in my head practically audible as I searched for the right words. Every silent second gave me a shot at piecing together the perfect response to prevent her from freaking out, though the look on her face, seemed to say what I dreaded hearing: 'He's your brother; you can't do that to him.' I expected judgment, but then her expression softened, offering a glimmer of hope for what she might say.

"Since when have you two been like this?" Katie whispered, her words hanging in the air with a gentle touch.

"It's really not what you think."

She gave me this look, and I wished I could figure it out, but I was stuck. She stayed quiet, and honestly, I just wanted her to spill what was on her mind because the silence was getting too much to handle.

"The worst thing is, it doesn't even surprise me," she chuckled, running a hand through her hair. "God this is a lot too think about."

I raised a brow, my confusion evident. "What are you talking about? Gracie and I are nothing. We're not together, not having an affair," I clarified, even though saying that felt ten times worse.

"So, why do I walk into the room, and you two are so close? Not to mention, if I had arrived a little bit later, you were about to kiss your brother's girlfriend," she scolded, her tone laced with a combination of frustration and disappointment.

"You know a kiss involves two mouths," I replied, my leg starting to bounce nervously.

"Which is worse."

"Katie is really not what you're imagining," I said, meeting her gaze, I wished I had stayed in the hotel.

She sighed softly, "look, I'm not really here to judge you, but when I found you with Gracie, you looked like I was a ghost. I remember Leon said you don't really talk about your feelings with anyone, and I really don't want to bring it up. The only one you talked to is your mom." She put her hand on my bouncy leg as she continued, "I just wanted to make sure you know you can talk to me for any advice or literally anything. I am here for you. I know it must be hard liking a person you can't have."

Her not freaking out caught me by surprise; I was ready for a scolding, not this understanding vibe. It made me feel a bit relieved, like I could actually talk to her about what's going on without the world crashing down.

"Thanks, but I can't talk about something I don't know about. Gracie and I, we're not together. It's... I don't know how to explain. We just have these moments, but she's never cheated on Mark with me. I have to go back years If I want to explain," I admitted, feeling my chest tightening, because of the situation pressing in on me.

"We have time. It's seven, and my appointment is in two hours," she said, a smirk curving on her lips as she lean back, she continued, "I want to help you with all this, but I can't if you don't talk."

"Okay," I said, "Everything started at my mom's funeral. Well, it started before, but it was just me being head over heels for Gracie."

•
August, 24, 2021

Last night, mom died. It's like a punch in the gut, especially because she seemed to be getting better, and they even threw out her pills. We stuck by her side the whole night, just trying to bring some comfort to the chaos. The void left behind is so heavy, and memories of her laughter and warmth flood my thoughts. I was right there when she took her last breath, and the reality of it is a tough pill to swallow. It feels like there's this gaping hole, and I am here trying to keep up while I'm navigating this weird mix of grief and disbelief. The doctor gave her some morphine so she could drift off to sleep, ensuring she wouldn't feel a thing. It was a bittersweet relief, knowing that in those final moments, she was at peace, free from pain.