☠︎︎ 19. Between the Past and the Future ☠︎︎

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— in the night when the sleep is gone

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— in the night when the sleep is gone

I'm lucky because I have you now

When you look for the things of the past

Be careful because the ocean is vast —


Chay smelled like jasmine and vanilla. It was an interesting combination that Kim hadn't smelled on him before. He wondered if he smelled like that as well. He wondered if it was because of that shower gel as Chay called it. Chay's soft hair was covering Chay's face obstructing Kim's beautiful view in an already dark room. He brushed his fingers gently through Chay's hair and closed his own eyes again. Chay's bed was the most comfortable bed Kim had ever laid in and yet it had been hours since Chay kissed him good night and Kim still couldn't sleep.

He was so worried about his ships and his crew. When he was away from them in his own time it was different, but now? Now he was three hundred years away from them and he didn't even know how to get back to them. Or if he ever would. Chay promised him that they would get back. And he trusted Chay. Of course, he did. But the suffocating feeling inside of him stayed present no matter what he did. He simply needed to get back. Not only for his ships and his crew but for his mother. Especially for his mother. He thought that he would never again feel the need, the hunger for the Ruby Red. Since Chay came into his life, the Ruby Red stopped being the object of his desires. But now, the need for Ruby Red was back. However, it was different. Kim didn't need the Ruby Red simply because he felt like he physically couldn't live without it; no, this time it was because he knew that it was the only way to get back to his home. No matter what would happen, no matter how long they would have to look for it... they had to find it. There was no other option...

"Can't sleep?" Chay's sleepy voice pulled Kim back from his spiralling thoughts. Chay lifted himself up on his elbows and looked down at Kim. "Are you alright?"

"I am. I just...yeah, I can't sleep," Kim whispered into the night and rolled over even closer to Chay. "I'm sorry if I woke you up."

"That's okay," Chay whispered back and leaned in to peck Kim's lips. "You are worried about your ships, aren't you?"

Kim hummed.

"I told you we will find the way back. I mean it, Kim. And until we find the way, don't worry alone. Let me in—I want to worry with you."

"You are too good for me," Kim whispered and closed his eyes. Chay truly was too good for Kim. What did Kim do in his life to have Chay by his side? All Kim did since he was twelve was kill, kidnap, steal, lie, torture, use... basically, all he did was being a pirate. When they took away his mother, he thought that he would never be loved again. And he was good with that. He learned how to accept that. But then this boy, who was now looking at Kim as if he was the most precious thing in the world, came and turned Kim's world upside down... even more... he brought his own world with him.

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