Philophobia - Thorin Oakenshield - English version

Part 25

A few more weeks passed in which the people were clearly gaining strength and also became increasingly eager to set off again, whether this was to the mountain or some other place in Middle Earth remained unspoken. So came the day when Terwyn stood at Thorin's chamber door, the prince who soon opened it looked at her somewhat questioningly.

"Can I help you with something?" He asked slightly concerned as it did seem an odd sight to see Terwyn fidgeting somewhat nervously at the door.

"I need to speak to you." Terwyn then said formally, causing Thorin to immediately open the door a little further and gesture for her to come in. Terwyn quickly took a seat on the couch in the room after which Thorin sat down with her.

"Tell me Terwyn." He curiously spoke causing the young woman to take a deep breath.

"I am very grateful for everything King Gror does for us here and it is safe here, the people are pleasant, there is work for everyone. Still, I don't feel at home here and want to explore Middle Earth further." Terwyn openly admitted.

Thorin let this sink in for a moment before replying. "Are you sure, I mean you know the dangers outside these mountains. You have a son, you have lost so much already." Thorin then spoke doubtfully, Terwyn nodded as a sign that she understood his question.

"I have to leave here Thorin, I don't know what it is, but as a child I always wanted to see the world, wanted to know where I came from. I have so many vague memories of places and people that mean nothing to me now, but I want to know what they once meant. Yes I have a son, but this one is safe here and should grow up safe. Yes, growing up with his mother by his side would be best, but I don't mean to stay away forever, I just don't think I can be a good mother to him until my own past becomes clear. He can stay with Dis, with Fain, they will take care of him like he was their own child." Terwyn began. She noticed Thorin holding his breath so she quickly continued before he could stop her.

"I know the dangers out here Thorin, but you know them too, just like the rest of our remaining people, since when should some orcs, wargs and bad weather stop us from finding out who we are and what we can make of our lives?"

Thorin sighed and remained quiet for a while, yet he had to agree with her.

"I see daily how our people turn their eyes to the mountain, to the world beyond the Iron Hills, Maybe you are right and it is time for us to look for our own home. Wherever this may be." He said. This gave Terwyn a hopeful smile on her face. "Are you serious? Are we really going on an adventure?" She then asked in a cheerful tone which made Thorin laugh.

"We're going on an adventure, we've been hiding long enough' He replied after which Terwyn flew around his neck causing the king to petrify for a moment. Fortunately, he quickly recovered and before Terwyn could guiltily retreat, he also wrapped his arms around her so he could hug her tight.

There in that moment a feeling of warmth was flowing through his body, he could barely remember what it felt like to be happy with all the recent events, but in that moment with Terwyn in his arms he finally felt a part of him come to life again

"You're a good king Thorin, thank you for everything." Terwyn spoke after which Thorin shook his head.

"For you I'll stay Thorin, please I don't want things to feel different between us. I still want to be me when I'm with you." He softly spoke causing Terwyn to let go of him and look at him in surprise.

"A prince or a king, you'll always be Thorin, my guardian." She whispered after which Thorin briefly ran his fingers through her hair. A thankful smile on his lips.

"Tomorrow we will gather our things. In two days we will leave at sunrise!" Thorin enthusiastically said whereby Terwyn stood up and left the room with a clear nod to gather her things and spend some more time with her little son Farryn whom she was going to miss a lot, even though she truly believed she was doing what was best for both of them.

Fifteen dwarves eventually set off into the wilderness two days later. They had been given a number of ponies by King Gror so they could carry enough provisions and clothing. At dawn, everyone was cheerfully ready at the lookout waiting for Thorin. Meanwhile, Terwyn still held her son tightly against her.

"I love you so much little friend, but now you must behave like a real brave prince! Take good care of Fili and Kili, and Dis of course, be nice to everyone here and just enjoy this home until Mummy finds an even better home!" She spoke to Farryn who nodded vigorously and hugged his mother tightly too. The little boy was already used to seeing people leave and returning from outings so he was not particularly worried and knew he was fine in the Iron Hills.

"I love you too mummy." He spoke after which Terwyn still had to bite her teeth not to tear up. She quickly pressed a kiss to his forehead before she also hugged Dis tightly and pressed a kiss to Fili and Kili's cheek.

"Take care of yourselves, and let's hope for a happy reunion." Terwyn spoke after which Thorin too came outside and said another goodbye to his family.

After this, he walked to the group of dwarves who had already said goodbyes, also thanked King Gror who was on the lookout and then left with the sun.

Terwyn walked next to Thorin and waved exuberantly to Farryn, Dis, Kili, Fili and Fain who had now also put her hand on Farryn's shoulder. "Thank you! I love you guys!" She shouted before they disappeared from sight and the adventure really began.

Once they walked fully into the wilderness and there was no village anywhere around them, Terwyn felt a great pressure fall off her shoulders. As if she was finally freed from all the shackles that had held her back from getting to know her true self. As if she was finally freed of playing the princess who tried so hard to make Thror proud, but could now finally search for who she was meant to be. Of course, she would always see Thror and his line as her family, but now this was a choice, not an obligation.

Rather, Thorin had been silent since they had left the Iron Hills. The people did sing songs or talk cheerfully about what they would discover along the way or where they could build a new home. At the same time, everyone did think about the impending danger that could be lurking everywhere, waiting for a snack from dwarves.

Still, the first day passed quietly and by the time the sun had once again reached its lowest point, the dwarves were able to set up camp against a wall of rocks that kept them somewhat out of sight of orcs or other dangerous creatures. Everyone was snug around the campfire. Terwyn had joined brothers Oin and Gloin. Oin was possibly the oldest in the party and had been a healer among the dwarves of Erebor, since their home had been taken away he had only been able to use his healing techniques at the battle of Moria. Gloin in turn had a newborn son in the Iron Hills, he was lucky that his wife had made it to the Iron Hills and gave birth to their son there, the wilderness was definitely no place for a newborn child. Gloin, however, wanted his son to grow up in a real home, not as a guest in the Iron Hills. He was therefore along on this trek for the same reason as Terwyn, in search of a real home.

All the 15 dwarves on this anyway had a reason to undertake this dangerous trek, if only to be able to stay with their last family member like Bombur who was absolutely not an adventurous type, but went along purely to be with his brother Bofur and cousin Bifur. Of course, he came in handy since he was a cook in Erebor and could therefore now prepare the best food for the group. The only one who seemed to be here for no reason was Thorin, although he himself kept his eyes tightly on the mountain since this home had been taken from him he had never spoken to anyone about a new home. Terwyn therefore did not believe he was looking for a new home.

He did not want a home other than Erebor, but he knew he currently stood no chance against the dragon. Not without a real army, and he didn't get that army from Gror. So Terwyn believed Thorin was only coming along to please his people and protect them on the journey they had long been looking forward to. While it was a nice gesture, Terwyn had still hoped that he too would be able to let go of the mountain and join the people in a sincere search for another home.

What no one knew was that Thorin did have a plan for this journey, however, a new home did not interest him as much as anyone would hope, but he did want to find his father. How he was going to do this he did not yet know but he was not dead, he was sure.