I am here.
In the place where I found love
Where I learned what receiving love feels like
Also, the heartbreak from the same person
There was a time when we stopped talking.
It was usual for us.
And he didn't know
Those scratches on my neck
Wasn't whatever he thought?
I don't know what he thought.
It was a family relative grabbing me by the neck in an attempt to kill me in a brutal fight happening at home.
Obviously, it wasn't successful.
I wish it was, though.
Every piece of me wanted to share that with him.
But he changed because he was not the same person.
He loved me madly like he used to, and I think he moved on.
So here I am, sitting near that place.
As if I could see the whole scene being repeated
Guess what
All I wanted to do was
Tell him how much I miss him and share what happened.
Instead, I think I returned all his stuff.
Because that was the only way I could see him again, and looking at all those things will only hurt me.
He changed, but I have these beautiful memories of him.
Ingrained in my head
Because I am toxic to myself
So I zoom in on the good things.
And forget and forgive to move on.
but that tends to fool me in moments of weakness.
You train yourself to be weak.
Subconsciously, in order to survive the day
By living in this delusional world
With all the happy memories combined
When you stop, if you do
You hate it all.
My delusional world was perfect, and
I get everything there—almost everything.
