✔ Killer in the Attic

[Special Chapter] POST MORTEM

What happens before death?

No, I think the proper question is...

What happens after death?

Para sa mata ng ibang tao, alam kong nakakatakot ang kamatayan. Pero sa dalawang dekadang pananatili ko sa mundo, mabilis kong napagtanto na maraming tao ang hindi takot mamatay. Don't believe me? Humans do reckless things that shorten their years and damage their body. Some of them don't feel guilty and yet still fear death because of one idea alone:

Uncertainty.

"What happens after death?"

I didn't realize I voiced it out loud, loud enough for my sole companion to hear my lingering thoughts.

Tumitig sa'kin si Sebastian at ngumisi.

"Death is a complicated human concept, Oriana. Pero hindi ko rin naman ito mauunawaan dahil hindi naman ako tao," napabuntong-hininga siya. "Wala akong konsensiya, at 'yon ang rason kung bakit nagagawa kong pumatay. I can never understand what my victims were thinking in their last moments, what their eyes wanted to tell me as I put them to eternal sleep or chop off their heads... I never understand any of them, honesty. I never cared to understand other humans. The only person I devoted my whole existence to understand is you."

I will never understand how he looks at me with those eyes---as if I am his sunshine. Marami akong pagsisisi noong panahong magkasama pa kami sa Eastwood, but time cannot be reversed. We are where we are, and I have chosen to spend my eternity with him in this emptiness.

My Sebastian.

My savior.

Still, sometimes I can't help but wonder: if things went differently, if I never abandoned him in that attic for six years... will he still be a killer? Did my punishment made him worse?

Ilang sandali pa, naramdaman ko ang paghaplos niya ng pisngi ko. Sa gitna ng kawalan at kadiliman ng walang-hanggang ito, tanging si Sebastian lang ang nakikita ko.

"What's on your mind, little girl?"

I smiled. "I'm not little anymore."

"I know," he shrugged. "Think of it as an endearment."

"Because you find me endearing?"

Sebastian kissed my forehead.

"Always."

Hindi na naalis ang ngiti sa labi ko. Sa lahat ng mga bagay na kinuwestiyon ko sa buhay, hinding-hindi ko kinuwestiyon ang desisyon kong makasama siya. Kahit saan.

"Sometimes I wonder what it would be like... if we lived like normal humans, just for once," I murmured as I leaned against his shoulder. We were sitting side by side, and I can feel his arm wrap around me.

Hindi ko namalayang napipikit na pala ako habang pinapakinggan ko ang boses ni Sebastian.

"Hindi ko rin makita ang sarili ko na maging tao. Me? Nah. Ikaw lang talaga ang rason kung bakit ko minsang pinangarap ang ganoong buhay, Oriana..."

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"...Oriana?"

Naririnig ko ang boses niya.

Nagmulat ako ng mga mata. Agad na sumalubong sa'kin ang kulay tsokolateng mga mata ng isang binata. I then realized that I was laying with my back against a field of daisies, his face inches from mine as it hovered above me.

"Sebastian?"

He smiled. "Kanina ka pa natutulog. Ang akala ko 'di ka na gigising. Ano na lang sasabihin ng lola mo kapag bumalik ako nang wala ka? Baka isipin nilang pinatay kita." His laughter soon filled the summer air, as if that mere idea alone is just too impossible to happen.

Nagpakurap-kurap ako, pero wala na akong nagawa nang hilahin na ako paupo ni Sebastian.

"Nasaan tayo?"

Hindi ko alam pero para kaming nasa isang hardin ng mga bulaklak sa itaas ng isang burol. Kitang-kita ko ang bughaw na langit at ang luntiang paligid na pinagpipiyestahan ng mga paru-parong may iba't ibang kulay. Hindi masakit ang init ng araw, sariwa ang hangin, at malayong-malayo sa mga problema ng reyalidad ang pakiramdam.

I felt at peace.

"Oriana, ayos ka lang ba? Sumasakit na naman ba ang ulo mo?"

I shook my head, hearing him worry.

"A-Ayos lang ako. Hindi ko lang alam kung---ano 'to?" Doon ko lang napansin ang isang singsing sa kamay ko.

I gasped and stared at it closely. Sebastian  rested his chin on my shoulder as he hugged me from behind.

"You keep staring at our engagement ring," he commented.

Napanganga ako, literal. Bumilis ang pintig ng puso ko nang---teka, pintig? M-May pintig na ulit ang puso ko! I hurriedly glanced around the place until my eyes met Sebastian's, who looked confused as ever. Doon ko lang napansin na iba ang presensya niya sa nakagisnan ko. Iba ang aura niya. He looked happier. He almost looked...

"Human."

"Oriana, okay ka lang ba talaga? I'm getting worried."

My eyes started to water as I compared how he looked then and now. Malayong-malayo ang imahe niyang ito sa Sebastian na mamamatay-tao. The Sebastian who killed people for my sake, had a twisted way of thinking, no morality, always covered in blood, and loves his chainsaw.

He looked like a completely different person, and yet.... he's still the same.

My Sebastian.

My savior.

"Paano ka naging tao?" I almost cried, overwhelmed with so much love and happiness. "A-Ang akala ko ba nabubuhay ka sa imahinasyon ko? Ang akala ko wala nang paraan para mabuhay tayo nang normal? You lived in my head and I was already dead, I---"

Sebastian hugged me tight. The warmth of his human body made me calm down, like he always din when I was afraid of the dark. I can even feel the steady beating of his heart.

"Shhh. I'm here, Oriana. I have no idea what you're talking about, but I promise I won't leave your side. I will never abandon you. Never."

He kissed my tears.

I nodded. "And we'll be together for all eternity?"

Muli akong niyakap ni Sebastian, na tila ba nauunawaan ang lalim ng mga sinasabi ko.

"For all eternity. Susundan kita kahit saan ka man pumunta, Oriana."

He kissed my forehead.

Thank you, Sebastian.

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"...Oriana?"

I opened my eyes again, this time I was plunged back into the darkness with Sebastian looking at me worriedly. Wala na ang init ng kanyang katawan o ang tibok ng kanyang puso. Nagpalinga-linga ako, at doon ko napagtantong nakabalik na pala ako.

'Was that just... a dream?' No, it's impossible for me to dream at this state.

I am in a void inside my head, and there is no way for me to manifest that version of us to life. Pero sa kabilang banda, why did it feel so real? Like it happened before in the past? Or like it will happen some time in the future? Wala nga palang concept of time ang lugar na ito, kaya't mananatili na lang itong isang misteryo.

"Sebastian, I'm okay. I'm here," I hugged him to ease his worries. "And I'm not going anywhere, not without you."

Humigpit ang yakap niya sa'kin, ramdam ko ang takot niyang mawala na naman ako sa kanya.

I will never abandon you again.

Suddenly, he softly asked.

"Oriana... sa tingin mo ba magiging masaya tayo kahit maging tao ako?"

I know it's probably just wistful thinking, but that vision I had brought me a sense of relief and hope that maybe in another time, in another time and place, we lived another version of our story.

Uncertainty.

Napangiti ako at hinalikan ang noo niya.

"I know we will."

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