something missing..(G!p X Girl)

19. Hesitant.

becky flung her TV remote onto the coffee table, hearing it clatter against the glass.

she had been flipping through the channels for the past thirty minutes but couldn't seem to find something to capture her attention. Not even ESPN was enough to distract her from her thoughts.

she rose from her chair and wandered her living room, restless and anxious...All she could think about was tomorrow's therapy session, and whether or not freen would show up... she couldn't imagine what she'd do if freen didn't, and she had a feeling that calling her would be a mistake.

she had left the ball in freen court, she would find out her answer tomorrow, but the anticipation was enough to kill her.

becky made her way to the kitchenette area and opened the refrigerator door, staring at the contents.

she would kill for a beer or maybe a glass of scotch...she glanced at her watch to see if the stores would still be open...

The minute the thought crossed her mind, becky cursed herself.
"What the fuck are you doing?"
she berated herself aloud.
"That's the kind of shit that got you into this mess in the first place, asshole!
That's the reason you're in this shitty situation.... you are losing your wife, idiot"

she slammed the refrigerator door shut, pissed at herself.
Stalking to her bedroom, she quickly undressed and washed up before getting into bed.

becky lay on her back, her hands folded behind her head, trying to make her brain to shut itself off.

No matter how hard she tried, sleep wouldn't come... Ever since she'd moved in here, she'd had a difficult time getting to sleep every night, the other side of the mattress just felt empty without freen there.

she just couldn't stop thinking about freen and how they'd spent time in this apartment when becky she was uni student and freen was visiting her almost every day, sometimes she was spend the night there and sometimes becky send her home, freen was renting a big apartment, it was so close to one of her father houses...

then they lived here in this apartment right now right after they were first married because becky refused to stay in the apartment that freen was renting and she didn't let freen ask her father to help them to buy house, so they stayed here for months before they buy thier first house with thier money... yes freen put more in that house but becky told her she will pay her until she reach the half price of the house and that was what she did.

They'd been so in love then..
becky remembered with a stab of pain.

Blissfully happy and in love, and they'd found it nearly impossible to pull themselves out of bed...or restrain themselves from having sex on every flat surface in their place.

Turning onto her side, becky punched her pillow, attempting in vain to find a comfortable position.

The only way she'd truly be comfortable would be with freen curled up against her, an arm thrown over her wife hip as they slept spooned up together....

becky missed the sound of freen breathing, the way she'd cuddle up to her, seeking warmth on cold mornings and even colder nights.

Idly, she wondered what freen was doing now.... If she was able to sleep or if she stayed awake at night like she did, replaying all of their fights in her head and rehashing everything that had gone so wrong between them over the past year.