My Imagine

Chapter 22

You sleepily open your eyes. The last thing you can remember is falling asleep on Sawyer's shoulder. Sure enough, you're curled up against his chest, him leaning into the couch in a sitting position, fast asleep. One of his arms is draped over you and the other is resting on the back of the couch. His golden hair is cascading beautifully down his sleeping form. His chest rises and falls as he dreams peacefully.
You watch him longingly as he sleeps. Your mind wanders freely, and you settle on thinking about Sawyer. You've only been best friends for four years, yet you feel like you've known him all his life. You were always friendly during school, you just weren't officially friends until after the little, ah, 'bullying incident'. After that, he wouldn't leave your side. He was like a protective older brother, and you actually liked it to some degree. You secretly liked him for years, and then he was your automatic best friend. It was amazing. You finally admitted to yourself that you were head over heels for him a year later, but your happiness soon deflated. He was older and more popular: surely he would ditch you in high school for the cool crew?
Nope. Just the opposite. Instead, you became closer than ever. You spent almost every weekend at his farm with his family, and they immediately took you in practically as their own. While Sawyer was away for The Voice you still went to his place every weekend, but you mostly stayed in the barn reading or texting him when he was free. The family knew you were there, they just chose to leave you be. Sometimes Aric or Skylar would come down and chat with you, but it was mostly solitude. Actually, you quite liked the confinement. It was peaceful, and it allowed you to think, just like you are now. You could pretend that he was still there, sitting next to you strumming his guitar like he always does, singing a song or two. The barn was your own little universe. Only the two of you existed. All of your problems disappeared into oblivion so you could relax and be with your best friend. It was your little escape, and it was perfect.
Then that all changed. It was May nineteenth. You were watching The Voice on your phone by yourself in the barn. Part of you wanted him to win so bad, yet another was yearning for his return as the same boy who he was when he left, not some national celebrity. You were elated and crushed as you watched him win. You were soon joined by his two whooping brothers in the barn, but you ducked out soon after to accept Sawyer's call from LA. You faked a smile for him to mask the fact that you were hurting inside, and he bought your act. You knew that your precious days with him would never be the same again, and that the old Sawyer you knew was gone.
With a heavy heart, you slide away from him and walk out of the house. You don't care anymore if he wakes up or not. You just want to go back to your old paradise. You make your way to the barn and close the doors. You sit in the darkest back corner and hug your knees to your chest, remembering all the memories this place holds. It's painful to recall, but you're happy at the same time. As long as you live you'll have these memories to cling to, even if Sawyer isn't by your side to cherish them with you.
A solitary tear slips down your face as you try to suppress the gut-wrenching feeling of loneliness. Even Sawyer leaving for two months didn't hurt this bad. It's torture, having something you desire so close yet so distant.
Sawyer isn't a want anymore. He's a need. You need him to keep you whole. Without him your life is meaningless. Just then, the doors creak open. Sawyer stands there silently. "Why are you here?" he says, his voice still raspy with sleepiness. You turn and flash a smile that falters, but you try not to let him see. "I couldn't sleep." you explain. "Thought I'd come here for some relaxation."
He comes closer and studies your face. "You've been crying again," he murmurs. You turn back to the wall. "It's nothing," you tell him. "I'm fine."
"You know I don't believe you when you say that." He sits down next to you, but you turn away yet again. He frowns. "What's the matter? Did I do something wrong?"
You sigh. "No Sawyer, of course not. It's just... I'm still adjusting to things. Sometimes I miss the peace and quiet of this place. I just need a break now and then. I like to come here and remember my days spent with you." You blush. Did I really just say that out loud?
He sighs. "I miss those days too. I wish we could have time to have another one of those, but I've got some work to do. Better get an early start while I'm up." He gets up stiffly and starts towards the house. He turns to look at you. "Coming?" he asks. You smile, this time genuinely. "Of course." He grins. "One of these days I'll make it up to you." he promises. "We'll have an entire day to ourselves just like we used to, and it'll all be calm."
You laugh at him, and he glances at you with a hurt expression. "What?" he says. You soften under his look. "Sawyer, you're a celebrity. Soon enough you'll be forced to move on from here. Those days can't ever come back, especially not now with you working on your album. It's just too complicated for both of us. Things will never be the same."
He sighs. "I know, I just don't like to think about it that way. It's hard to accept."
You nudge him gently. "Hey, maybe we can start a new tradition. Wanna see how many Twitter fights we can start in under ten minutes?"
He just rolls his eyes. "I question you sometimes," he mutters. You giggle.
"Only sometimes? I'm disappointed in you Sawyer!"