My Imagine

Chapter 26

Once you got out of the airport you were hastily hustled into a waiting car by Sawyer. He tried to help you with your bags, but you hissed a warning and he instantly backed off. The ride to the apartment was about an hour, so you gave up on resisting the temptation of your phone still at 73% and the earbuds. You started up Sawyer's music again and tried to ignore him for the remainder of the hour, but it's a little hard to do that when he's sitting two feet away from you.
A text comes in. It's from Sawyer yet again.
Don't want to bother you. We're stopping for lunch soon. It's only about noon here. Want something?
You desperately want to tell him to buzz off, but you are pretty hungry.
Little too late for not bothering me, and I'm not blind. I can see the time. I don't care anymore. I just want a drink or something. No McDonalds!!!
You catch him sighing out of the corner of your eye. He checks his phone, and chuckles at the last bit.
I know, I know. You hate fast food. How's the throat feeling?
You can't tell if he's actually genuinely concerned or just acting to be. You ignore the text and look out the window for a bit. After about ten minutes the car halts in front of a rest stop. Your phone dings again.
Is pizza and a water good? We can buy cough drops too.
Hmm. Wise choice there bucko. Luckily, it's all choices you like.
Sure. Thanks...
No problem. Ugh, there's a line. Got time to kill. Do you want to talk about this?
Not really...
Look, I understand you're furious. I'm sorry.
Furious? If only that was it...
I am mad, but I'm also disappointed. I thought you would be above doing something like that. How would you feel if I did something like that to you?
It takes a minute for his answer to come through. You're guessing he just ordered the pizza.
Well... I'm not sure. I'd be really mad, but at the same time... I'd be hurt. Bad. Oh gosh, I'm so sorry...
Save it, Sawyer. We have a lot of talking to do tonight. Until then, just understand the fact I'm furious with you. Got it?
Yeah... Coming out with the stuff in five. I'm sorry.
Save it.
Sawyer just thinks you're mad, but that's not the case at all. You're crushed inside. That clearly put a dent in your bond. This kind of dent can't be covered or forgotten, only forgiven and repainted. It will always be there, haunting you in the darkest of times, reminding you that no connection is perfect. Every relationship has a flaw, some bigger than others.
If only he knew what pain he causes you. He's both a blessing and a curse. His touch is torturous, yet soothing. His gaze is like staring into the sea, but it's so easy to get lost in those sparkling irises. His voice is the thing that lifts your spirits and flattens your hopes. His presence can make you calm, or he can make even the simplest tasks nerve wracking. The kindness and honesty of his words is what you live for, but they're also a cruel tease. A hurtful memory that he will always cause you this pain because you won't ever be good enough for him. He will never think of you as "special" or "his". Even if he ever did, his career would just go downhill from there. A split would happen one way or another, and you two would separate for good, one heartbroken, the other free from their burdens. You're still having difficulty figuring out who would be who in that equation.
Right on time, Sawyer and the man from the airport (who still hasn't said his name) duck into the car. Sawyer's holding two boxes, two waters, and a bag of cough drops. He hands you a pizza and a water and passes over the drops. You check the package and he rolls his eyes. "They're cherry. I remembered." he sighs. You open the pack and pop one in your mouth. "I was just checking." you mutter. "Good boy. What about the pizza?"
"Mushrooms and pepperoni, extra cheese, thin crust. I'm not stupid you know."
"Mmhmm. Nice job. You deserve a medal that says 'I got the order right!' on it."
It's tough pretending to be friendly with the same guy who tore your heart out, but somehow you're managing. Barely, but still... You only have to hang on for a few more hours.
Should I really leave? You contemplate the pros and cons. You never thought you'd actually go back to Fultonville, but it's a real possibility now.
The pros of leaving? I'd be free from his tormenting presence. He'd be free of dragging me along. It would give us time to think and work things out. We could both focus better on the important stuff. It's good practice for when he leaves in the future too. But...
The cons? I'd have to agonize over not seeing him every day. Knowing him, he'd be constantly worrying about me getting hurt. We wouldn't be able to focus. His career would plummet, and so would my academics. We would grow distant, and things wouldn't be the same.
Even though the cons outweigh the pros, you still keep the card on the table so to say. You never know what could happen tonight.
You eat the pizza slice and drink some of the water. You will admit, the burning sensation in your throat does subside a bit, but not much. It's like whatever you swallowed when you fell in the pond is trapped in your lungs and is escaping through frequent coughing. Oh well. Nothing you can do right now except load up on cough drops.
Another text comes in. Geez, he must be desperate. Can't he realize that you just want to be left alone right now?
Look, I just want to make this right. I feel awful. None of this was meant to hurt you. 
Sawyer, I said we'd talk about it later. Save your breath.
I can't! I feel so bad! I want to fix this now!
Well, you can't get everything you want in life. Give it a rest, okay?
But...
Sawyer, I mean it.
No answer comes.
He doesn't try any type of conversation for the rest of the ride. Nothing. Just silence. Honestly, it scares you. As miffed as you are at him, it's worrying when he's not his usual happy self.
He should feel guilty, you tell yourself. What he did was unforgivable. But as you watch his silence continue, you start to worry that you'll never see the old Sawyer again.
The one who cared. The one who was your friend. The one who would protect and provide for you.
The one you fell in love with all those years ago.
Is this who he's doomed to be? Selfish? Rude? Hot-headed? A jerk to his own best friend?
If this is the real Sawyer, then you're prepared to leave him before he hurts you again, but in your heart you know this isn't him. The real world changed him, and now you're determined to bring him back to the same boy he was two days ago.