Getting to Nirvana {editing}

Chapter 26

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion
- The Dalai Lama

Chapter 26

Daniel

Woah that kiss.

That's the only intelligibly sentence I can conjure up in my scrambled hormonal filled mind as I recount what just played out not even 20 minutes ago. I've kissed plenty of girls before in my life, but nothing can compare to that, not even close, not even the kisses that lead up to my de-virginization.

Her lips, so plump and full and soft. Her touch, so warm that it left a trail of goosebumps every time she touched me. Her beautiful exotic almond eyes and curly brown hair drive me crazy, and have me feeling like a school boy with a school girl crush. Everything about her is so beautiful and perfect. Her slender frame, long legs and caramel brown skin. Even things that she doesn't find attractive about herself, like her scars I find enticing and beautiful, and I wish I could run my fingers over them again and see her shiver under my touch. That kiss is all I can think about. But I think that's the farthest thing from her mind.

Instead she's seated opposite from where I'm seated on the basically vacant bus. Not even bothering to spare a glance my way, instead opting to look at the scenery outside. Surely I'm more interesting to look at them some trees, old buildings at a big hunk of metal? Well maybe not but I'm not too bad to look at.

I clutch on to my giant teddy bear like its a life saver the only thing holding in my feelings. Because if I don't I might damn near well propose to her and do something else I had in mind. I don't think she would like that very much, but I can't say the same thing for my friend downstairs. Good thing I have this teddy bear to hide that.

"So did you have a good time today?" I ask. I immediately wish I could take those words back. I mentally hit myself over the head I probably sounded like an idiot. I've literally asked that same damn question five times since we got on this stupid bus.

Nirvana just nods her head distractedly. Not even acknowledging my repetitive question or me for that matter. Disappointment and regret seep into me like a waterfall at her lack of interest in me. I thought that kissed meant something to her like it meant something to me. I thought I saw the same vulnerability in her light brown eyes that mirrored my own. I thought she felt the goosebumps, the electricity, the rush that I felt with her in my arms and her mouth on my own. But I guess those feelings were pretty one sided.

I resist the urge to bang my head against the bus door. Why did I even kiss her? Besides the obvious attraction for her I've felt ever since she stepped into that bar. I was stupid to think it was reciprocated.

Daniel Travers the nineteen year old college dropout with a serious problem of getting drunk and into trouble. The boy who spent his college funds that he'd spent his whole highscool years saving up for on booze and gambling. One of the main reasons he had to quit. The boy with no future, no family, no life and a turbulent past.

Yeah I was crazy to think a beautiful, smart and spectacular girl like her would fall for a a guy like me. Yeah right. Only in books.

By the time the bus comes to a stop. My mood has completely darkened. Gone are the thoughts of Nirvana and I kissing, of the sensation of her soft lips against mine, and the feel of her in my arms. That already seems like ages ago. The only thoughts that plague me are the dark ones. The dark thoughts that shackle me and make me its slave until I give into its demands. The dark thoughts I can never seem to shake and probably never will. They're winning me over. They always do.

"Daniel?" I hear Nirvana's soft resonant voice temporarily breaking me out of my trance. It's then that I notice that we're the only two passengers left on the bus.