Getting to Nirvana {editing}

Chaper 27

Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most. -Buddha

Chapter 27

Nirvana

I get a call on my cellphone but don't check the caller ID. I already know who it's going to be. What does he want? To break my heart even further? I ignore it and continue packing my clothes into my luggage as I try to simultaneously pack everything that happened in the last 24 hours into the deepest crevices of my mind, so I won't have to think about it anymore.

The second time I put myself out there for a guy and it blows up in my face. Again. Well not anymore. As soon as I get back home I'm either becoming a lesbian, or moving into a nunnery. I sigh loudly to myself at those notions. Who am I kidding? I'm about as attracted to another female, as I am to a wall, and I wouldn't last a day in a covent, I'd get bored within the first hour.

I finish zipping up my suitcase and heave myself off the floor from my kneeling position. Without all my belongings sprawled around the hotel room it looks barren and gloomy, a poor reflection of the fun Daniel and I had for the past month. Damn I need to stop thinking about him.

I wheel my heavy suitcase to the door and sit on my bed one last time. Should I leave Daniel a note telling him I've gone? Or should I take the key with me so he'll have no way of getting back into our hotel room and he'll figure out I'm gone by that?  No. I'm not that mean. I'll leave a note.

I ruffle through the bed side drawer, and find a pencil and paper.

Dear, Daniel I scrawl. I scratch that out. Too formal.

Daniel you dickhead why would you kiss me and make me think we had a chance together and then screw that up. I scratch that out too. Too angry.

Daniel I'm leaving. I don't think I can spend another day in the same room as you with all that happened between us, it would be too awkward and tense. I'll be leaving home in a couple of days anyways so yeah it was nice knowing you.

There. Short and to the point. Only halfway conveying all my feelings about him.

A tight feeling in my chest grips me at the realization of what I'm about to do. I need to leave. I have to leave, but I just can't get my legs to assent to the matter. Instead my legs lead me to lay on Daniel's bed, with my knees tucked against my chest and my arms wrapped around my legs. My head rest against his pillow and I get a whiff of his scent. After shave, a little hint of weed, and something woodsy. It makes me feel homesick for some strange reason.

I suddenly get this need to pack this pillow with me as something to remember him by, because I might not see him again. I move the pillow and see a plastic shiny bag with something green inside it. I lift it up in the light for closer inspection and realize it's weed.

I can't help but let out a laugh. I laugh loud and boisterously until tears stream down my eyes, as something finally dawns on me. I love him. I love him a lot, and despite everything that's happened between us despite whether he loves me or not, I have to tell him. Even if he is on a stupid date with some stupid girl.

I quickly grab my phone and dial his number but it goes straight to voicemail. I try again with the same results. With a frustrated sigh I check my call log. I'm pretty sure he's the one that called me earlier. But it's not him it's a number that I don't know. Curious I call it back.

"Hello." A rough base voice answers. "C'est Picardy jail."

"How'd you get my number?" I question.

"How'd you get our number?"

I roll my eyes even though he can't see me. "You called me first."