Getting to Nirvana {editing}

Chapter 8

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting. ~Buddha

Chapter 8

Zephyr

I wake up thinking that it's just like any other day. When I wipe the crum out of my eyes and brush my teeth, I realize that yesterday something happened. My parents found out that I was pregnant.

It's not like I wasn't going to tell them. I just didn't know when. Didn't know how. I still can't seem to shake the look of utter and sheer disappointment written on my mom's face, out of my mind. But she has every right to be disappointed in me, heck even hate me. I hate me.

I look at my stomach in my dirty mirror. 3 months pregnant. Soon I'll start to show. My heart clenches at the thought. What will my other family members and kids at school think? I'm the captain of the volleyball team, homecoming queen candidate and loved and admired by my peers. But soon I'll be reduced to some cheap slut.

Tears spring to my eyes. One stupid night with one stupid guy. My first time and I get pregnant. Life's unfair. My whole life's ruined. I stare bitterly down at my stomach. Will I even be able to go to college? Or will I be forced to become one of those teen moms you see on TV. I used to laugh at them. Mock them. And now I'm one of them.

When I first found out about it I called the "dad". He told me he'd help me with whatever I decided to do, but I knew he wanted me to get an abortion. So at first I decided to do it. But I couldn't even get through the doors before I realized that I just couldn't go through with it. I couldn't kill my baby. I saw how my whole life could just go back to normal after it. No one would have to know. Not even my parents. But I would know. My whole life would be burdened with the guilt of killing an innocent child who did nothing wrong.

Later that night when I told him I didn't get the abortion he hung up in my face and hasn't contacted me back since.

"What's wrong with my daughters! Ones knocked up and the others run away!" My mother yells.

My eyes sting at the words but nevertheless I wipe the tears out of my eyes and go downstairs to see what's going on.

My mom has her face in her hands and my dad is comforting her. There's a note on the kitchen counter and I pick it up and read it.

DEAR FAMILY,

I'VE RUN AWAY FOR A LITTLE BIT TO CLEAR MY HEAD. DON'T LOOK FOR ME. YOU WONT FIND ME. AND PLEASE DON'T CALL THE POLICE. EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T TELL YOU WHERE I AM I CAN ENSURE YOU THAT I'M SAFE.
NIRVANA

I roll my eyes. Typical Nirvana. Always running away when the going gets tough. Sure there's a nasty rumor going around about her at school but I'm pregnant. I'm pretty sure I have bigger fish to fry. She's always been so selfish, so angry, so bitter. Which contributes to our strained relationship, but I can't stop feeling a pang of concern for the whereabouts of my sister. What if she's in danger or hurt? Hopefully like the note indicates she's okay and safe.

"What's wrong with this family!" My mother wails and then bursts into tears. After each heart wrenching sob my heart breaks a little knowing that I contributed to her heartache. I feel so guilty I want to com-bust on the spot. Just so I wont hear her cry again. While my father consoles her I slowly head back up stairs to get ready for school.

When my friends Allison and Imani pick me up I have to put on a facade and pretend that nothing is wrong with me, and that I'm happy and cheerful. Even though I haven't been happy for months."Hey Z." Imani greets me. Her kinky black hair is always styled in a cute afro and she has the cutest sense of style which I've always envied. With her ebony brown skin, plump lips, and beyonce figure, she's easily one of the most beautiful girls at our school and she makes sure that everyone knows it. "Hey." I reply and hop in the backseat.