Illicit [Harry Styles]

Chapter 32

"He said you have to choose?" Mckenzie confirmed.

We were sitting in English on our first day back at sixth form after the half term. It was a Monday morning and I definitely was not interested in paying attention, but Mckenzie's need to know all the gossip and talk about something secretive at all times was doing my head in. I couldn't take my eyes off the ticking clock, not even blinking as I watched the little red hand jolt forward in what looked like slow motion.

"Yeah," I mumbled, diverting my gaze and staring at the whiteboard at the front of the class absentmindedly with my chin resting on the heel of my palm.

Despite not feeling like talking about it, what Harry had said was the reason I couldn't pay attention. Not only was I bored out of my mind right now, but also all I could hear was his voice telling me that basically it was all or nothing playing over and over on repeat.

"What are you gonna do? Did he say how soon he wants you to decide?"

"I have no idea," my response was intended to address both parts of her question. I was genuinely clueless.

I wanted so badly for it to be the easiest thing in the world to tell one of them it's over, but to put it simply, it's just not. I like the security Liam offers - we've always been close even before we starting going out, and he's kind and caring and just the sort of person everyone dreams of being with. I guess you could say Liam is the safe option, but I don't know if that's what I want anymore. I want excitement, I want new experiences and I want to become more of a fun and careless person, and I believe Harry could be the one to shape me into that person. Sure, Harry is an absolutely arse most of the time, he can be cruel and ruthless and I sometimes wonder if he's capable of caring for another person at all, but then I see this side to him that I suppose he wants to keep hidden, and I know deep down that he's a good person. I want to bring that side out of him and get to know the real Harry.

"I know what I'd do..." she muttered, mostly to herself in a sarcastic kind of way as if she thought this was the most obvious and easy decision in the world. If I was looking at her she definitely would've been rolling her eyes or giving me some kind of look - she wasn't exactly Liam's number one fan.

"Yeah, well-"

"Jessica, Mckenzie, would you two like to share your conversation with the class? It must be important since it's taking priority over my teaching," our English teacher snapped. She was a short woman with dark hair cut into a bob and she wore these ugly glasses; she kind of reminded me of a mouse, but she was quite strict when she wanted to be. I didn't like her, but then again I didn't like most of my teachers.

"No," we both replied in unison, sounding as píssed off as possible simply to spite her.

Only five painful minutes of staring into space passed before Mckenzie was eager to carry on our conversation.

"I can't believe Harry said if you left Liam he'd be waiting for you, and now he says you have to choose between the two of them. This is like some movie shít!"

"Will you please drop it!" I begged, my voice just above a whisper as I scolded her. Apparently, just above a whisper was like shouting into a megaphone in the eyes (or rather, ears) of our teacher, because she glared at me like I'd just killed someone, her face twisting with rage.

"Right, Jessica, that was your second and final warning - I've had enough now! If you're not half asleep and not listening to me, you're engaging in your own private conversations. I think you should leave," she shouted.

I looked at Mckenzie with wide, disbelieving eyes and she looked back with a face full of regret like she was silently apologising to me that I was getting the blame piled onto me and only me. She gave a small shrug and I looked around helplessly at my peers, noticing every single pair of eyes in the room were on me. I was more annoyed than anything - it was like I was in year seven again, I was nearly eighteen years old and I was getting sent out of my A Level class for chatting.