Illicit [Harry Styles]

Chapter 55

"I-it's late... You should get back. Louis, drive Jess home?"

"'Course," Louis nodded sincerely, taking his hand out of his pocket and holding it out to me, inclining his head in the direction of his car.

"Why can't you?" I looked to Harry with what could only be described as sad eyes. I don't know why - after all of this - I was disappointed that he didn't want to drive me home.

"I don't think it's a good idea," he confessed, just as glumly as me and just as sincerely as Louis. He attempted his kind of smile to encourage me to go, but his mouth only flattened into an awkward line that tugged at my heart.

As always, I wanted to cry, and tell him that I wanted him to drive me home. Not only did I want that, I wanted him to take me home with him. I wanted to forget everything had happened and sleep in the warmth of his arms like nothing had ever been wrong.

But you don't always get what you want.

I must've been staring at him for ages, looking deep into his eyes, before I eventually snivelled and nodded. I turned away slowly and stepped towards Louis, who put his outstretched hand around my shoulders, drawing me into his side as we walked and rubbing my arm in a way that made me think he was trying to take my attention away from the drama by reminding me it was cold.

When we reached the gap between the trees I glanced back at Harry, seeing him still standing in the same spot watching after us. I felt horrible. I felt absolutely awful at the idea of him being upset over me. I shouldn't feel that way, though, and that's what made it worse. He was the one that had made a mistake and needed to experience the consequences, not me.

I realised we were at the car when the door was opened for me and Louis was nudging me to get in. I was in a world of my own. I gave him a tiny smile as I ducked down to get in, which he returned as he closed the door after me.

This was another instance where he drove extra carefully with the windows wound up and the radio on low - what I liked to call the pity drive. He would be extra attentive whenever he felt sorry for me.

You would think that after everything that'd been unveiled, I wouldn't trust Louis nor Harry. But I did. I believed that Harry hadn't done what we thought he had and I knew that neither of them would hurt me, in the criminal sense I mean. We had to stick together if someone was trying to tear us apart. Louis was like a big brother to me, as weird as that sounds. He was secretly rather protective, and he was always looking out for me and giving me advice when I was in trouble.

The inside of the car was toasty as I sat there beside Louis, the warmth was making me feel slightly better and the hum of the engine and barely audible song on the radio had a calming effect. I felt safe, safer than I'd felt in a while.

"He's gutted, you know," Louis spoke up, his voice loud enough to fill the whole space of the car.

"I know," I responded. Of course I knew; you could see it in his eyes, in the way he held himself, in the desperation behind his voice whenever I was around.

"He's not exactly hiding it, either. I think that's really saying something."

"What do you mean?" I eyed his side profile curiously, his jaw was covered in a light stubble and his eyes looked thoughtfully off into the distance through the windshield as he drove. Moonlight was cast on his narrow face, highlighting his exquisite bone structure.

"Think about it, would the Harry we knew a month ago have let anyone know that he was hurting? It's the effect you have on him, he's changing."

"Do you really think so, though? Is he changing or is it all an act to try and win me over?" I mused, not taking my eyes off him though he was yet to meet my gaze in our conversation.