All You Need is Love

Five

It's a semisweet Sunday out, and I'm thankful that I don't have work. Although I'd rather bury myself in work than come to face the harsh reality that I don't have any friends to spend my day off with. It's just me, me and me.

It's quiet except for the occasional bird coo from the doves outside my bedroom window. I look around my bedroom, it fits who I am. Red bedding for my constant pain and plain cream walls, boring as ever.

Three days ago Derek came to my house unexpected. It scared me, a lot. He was so sweet but I had to push him away, it's for the better.

He's a nice man, he's carrying, compassionate, has great features and he's a doctor. He's obviously well rounded and seems good with woman and words- probably thanks to his sisters- he comes from a loving family, he wouldn't understand what it's like to not be loved or wanted. And I hope he never does.

"You deserve better." His words fill my head. Do I really? Deserve better? Everything that has happened in my life has happened because of my actions. And because no one wanted me. I was disgusting, a let down, failure. I wasn't enough for either my biological mom or father.

Susan, oh how I miss Susan, she was so sweet and caring, she showed me love. Even after Lexie died, she still cared for me. And then one day she just died of the hiccups. How stupid is that.

Lexie was such a sweet and innocent girl, she was so smart, annoying yeah but I loved her. I loved having a sibling. I grew up with her. She was what I had. It's kind of weird, knowing that she's the same age as I and my half sister. But I'm glad she was and I had Susan. I wonder what I would have been like if my mother raised me. She probably would've hired countless nannies. I scoff at the thought of her ever being a mother.

Maybe I should go for a run today, it's nice enough out. I throw my covers off my body, strip my clothes off replacing them with yoga pant calf cut offs and a sports bra, and zip up my Nike jacket. I look in the mirror as I brush my teeth, God what a miserable excuse for a human being. I grab a hair tie and put my hair in a pony tail.

I jog down the stairs into the kitchen, grabbing my iPod and headphones. Time to clear my head.

I press shuffle and It's Time by Imagine Dragons fills my ears. My feet move quickly as I run downhill in my neighborhood. I feel the air escape my lungs, it makes me feel better. It's cold outside but not cold enough to see my breath. I stop after a mile or so, catching my breath and stretching out my legs. Then it's go time again.

Heading down 9th Avenue in the neighborhood I keep running, it's a nice little street with quaint old houses, the architecture appeals to me. After I check that I've ran about 2.43 miles I decide to head back home which will in total be 5 miles. I've still got it.

I turn onto my street running on the opposite side of the road, being a smart runner for oncoming traffic as cars pass me both ways. I turn into my driveway and my heart immediately stops.

He's sitting there, Derek, the piercing blue eyed man, on my doorstep. He looks up as he probably heard my heavy breathing. I lick my dry lips, trying to catch my breath. He offers a small smile.

"What are you doing here?" I let out between uneven breaths. This is way bizarre, how long has he been here for? His old fashioned hummer sits parked in my driveway.

"I wanted to see you." He replies. I make my way over to where he is. standing in front of him as he rises from where he was sitting. He's tall, I never quite realized that, maybe 5'11. He looks down, peering into my eyes.

I tentatively brush my bangs out of my face behind my ear. "Why?" I ask with a bit of disdain. I kicked him out of my house three nights ago and here he is.