All You Need is Love

Thirteen

Why I dare ever challenged Derek to go running up in the mountains is far beyond me. The man has crazy stamina. I stop and rest my hands on my knees, bending over while trying to breathe.

Derek continues running for a bit before he realizes I'm no longer next to him and turns back around. "Aw are you tired?" He teases. I groan in response. What I would give to strangle him right now.

"Watch it Shepherd, I'll stick a fork in your Kevorkian." I hiss back. I down my water, thankful I still have three bottles.

Derek stretches out his hamstrings while I pace, calming my heart rate. "Can we walk a bit?" I ask him.

"So you are tired." He answers back smartly.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd, unlike you I am an intern with demands that I have to meet on a physical level and that is lacking right now. Cut me some slack." I scold. My lips are dry and so I lick them. I look up at Derek and find his piercing blue eyes immediately. "What?" I throw my arms around, emphasizing my annoyance.

"You're bossy. And very sassy. I like it." He grins at me. I pick up my walking pace and begin running again.

"Hope you can catch up old man." I joke, although it's a weak one considering he's only two or three years older than me, it was definitely worth a try.

"I'll show you old." I hear from my right and he takes off sprinting. What an immature child.

//

I get home and shower feeling terribly gross. It's nice to be able to chill out considering how exhausted I am. Why I just ran I don't know hit it was good for me.

After I've showered I put on some comfy clothes and make my way over to the opening on my street that overhangs the seattle view, the space needle right before me.

I sit there and think of all the times I sat there with Lexie and just talked about anything. I miss her so much, I wonder what my life would be like if she were still here. I would've never met Derek. I gasp for air, what a shitty thought. Because my sister is dead I met someone to take care of me whereas if my sister didn't die I would be.. okay? Would Susan still have died? Would my mother have gotten Alzheimer's? Would my dad be a mean drunk? What would life be like?

I shiver at the possibility, I don't want to think about it. I head back inside after a while, just in time too as the weather turns sour. It starts pouring instantly.

I make it up to my room and climb into bed, good sleeping weather.

It hurts.
The sharp unwelcome pain in my body.
My most sacred place.
A man violates me over and over again.
Getting off on my pain for his pleasure.
He groans and groans and alas me hard across the face but I can't move.
I'm paralyzed. Against my will.
He gets off finally and he looks at me, telling me it was fun.
And I think that it may be over. But I'm wrong, so wrong.
It's only the beginning.

I scream, forgetting where I am and then I remember I'm at home alone. the sheets are soaking wet from my sweat and my hair is drenched. Tears stream down my face and I hate the feeling I have. When will these nightmares end? I take deep breaths and manage to get out of bed, I don't want to go back to sleep.

Instead I think about the date I went on two nights ago with Derek. He rented out a ferryboat for the night, I didn't even know that was possible.

Something changed when we sat down at the dinner table. I think he looked at me differently that night and I him. It was in his eyes, they turned a different shade, a darker shade. They looked beautiful.