This Is Me Without You→Johlex Fanfic

Without You, There Is No Me

Alex's POV~

"Feminism?"

"Nope."

"Gay rights?"

"Duh, I'm only like, the hugest Kohnnie shipper ever." I playfully roll my eyes.

"I believe you mean shipette," Johnnie chuckles. "Oh, whatever!" I laugh, playfully shoving his arm.

"Hey! I am driving!" he laughs, "What about age is just a number?"

"Does this have to do with Chloe and Tyler?" I bite my lip, looking over at him as he turns onto the highway. For some reason, he refuses to tell me where we're going.

"He really likes her, okay? He just-he just wants to make sure he's not being set-up and that she's not-"

"Johnnie, babe," I say softly, chuckling at the fact I can call him babe now, "I would never be friends with someone like that, let alone sit back and watch it happen. You know that," I tell him, remembering what I was thinking when Chloe was freaking out about Tyler liking her. "Yeah, I know. He's just been hurt so many times before." he sighs, merging into the left lane. I just bite my lip and look down, letting the silence end the conversation. After what felt like forever, Johnnie finally speaks up, "We're going to see The Gallows, then we're going to dinner, then I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise for me?" I squeak, grinning as I feel my heart almost flutter out of my chest. Johnnie just smirks and merges over a lane, "Where are we going to eat?" I ask.

"Ladies choice."

"Chipotle!" I yell. "Chipotle it is then," Johnnie laughs. I chew on the inside of my lip and stare out the window, thinking of how Iza and Octavia were interacting earlier. I mean, it seems like a hard commitment to make and no offence Octavia but, I don't want me and Johnnie to be like that. I have less thank twenty-four hours left with who possibly could be the love of my life and then what? We just see each other whenever we can? That's scary. What if he falls for someone else in person here? Or what if he just suddenly looses interest? Or what if h- "Alex," he says my name firmly, so firm it sends chill bumps down my spine. I look over at him and raise an eyebrow, quizzically. "Where are you?" he adds. "Twenty-four hours ahead. When I'm in shitty Texas with Octavia and Chloe, and you're here with the guys and Tay." I admit, and it's not until I say it that I realize that I'll also be leaving behind one of my best friends. "Alex," he sighs, rubbing his forehead as he takes the next exit. "No, Johnnie!" I say a bit loudly, I'm tired of him always pushing our problems away, things can't always be perfect, we're going to have problems we need to talk about, "We need to talk about this and deal with it."

"Okay so what? We talk about it, get all upset and shit, and nothing changes! The only difference is we're reminding ourselves of it so why not just handle it when the time comes?"

"So you want to talk about how we're going to stay connected, when we'll see each other next, and how hard it's going to be while I'm waiting on the plane to arrive?"

"Oh my god, it's not that big of a deal, drop it!" he shouts. "No Johnnie," I shout back, "I'm tired of just dropping things, some things need to be taken care o-"

"And some things need to be left alone!" he yells over me. I sigh and seep back in my chair, staring out my window. Part of me is disappointed in myself for bringing the whole thing up, the other part is disappointed in Johnnie for being so close-minded. Then it comes to my head. The stupidest, most hurtful thing I could say. And, of course, I say it, "You're just like Bryan." I regret it as soon as it leaves my lips, as Johnnie basically slams on his breaks and pulls into the abandon gas station, pulling over in the middle of the parking lot and looking over at me, pain and anger swelling in his eyes, "You know what! I'm done! I've been breaking my fucking back this whole week trying to make this fun and perfect for you! And what do I get? Huh? A few kisses every here and there? I'm over it! I'm done!" he screams, pounding his fist on the steering wheel with almost every word. "Johnnie, I didn't mea-"

"You didn't mean it! Oh, the blasphemy! If I had a fucking quarter for every time a filthy, disgusting statement came out of someones infected mouth followed by, 'I didn't mean it,' I swear to god! I-" I kind of tune him out at this point, his screams echoing in my head as I go back to that place, that place we're supposed to be floating in together. He's floating away. Fast. But this isn't a time for me to go to that place, I have to try and fix this. After a moment of staring into his eyes and listening to not his words, but his voice, I realize this isn't about me. This whole angry facade wasn't about me or even about us. It's about Bryan. It's about his dad. It's about his mom. It's about his brother and sister. It's about him. Then I also realize that Johnnie is far more broken than I ever imagined. He is broken and hurt. And I have two choices; A) leave him until he can get his life together or B) stay with him and help put him back together. And as of right now, as he's screaming into my face, tears streaming down his face from his hurt, infuriated eyes, I think I know my answer. But then something else hits me; what does Johnnie mean by "I'm done". Does he mean we're done, he's done with me? Or is Johnnie Guilbert done? My heart aches and I feel like I've been spinning around for too long as what I'm sure is the correct answer hits me hard. And before I know it, I swing open the door to my best friends red jeep, sprint to the grass, hold my throat, bend over, and all the emotions I've been swallowing for the past two days come out my throat, vomit form. The end of Johnnie Guilbert. That would mean the end of us. Which would probably mean the end of me. But most importantly, the end of Johnnie Guilbert. Well, you know what they say (well, they being Pierce The Veil). Without you, there is no me.

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Soooo this is their first fight T-T I'm going to post another chapter right after this one except the next chapter shall include ZE FRICKLE FRACKLE! XD I dunno why I love saying that so much. Anywhore, stay rad and I'll see ya next time ♥♥♥